The Blue Moon

Like the proverbial lonely wolf staring at the moon’s reflection on the pond, longing for something that seems so near , yet so far , I sit here in this unearthly hour , staring at my monitor screen , with a mundane , post-depression feeling , accompanied by a melodramatic music playing in the background. Surreal.

Finally , it ends. The onslaught of activities that once cornered and strangled me , almost killing me in the process, have finally ceased to exist. They have finally ended. No more. I should be happy , shedding the tears of joy , jumping around like mad man , grinning like a clown , and be on cloud nine , yet none of that happens. It was just a simple feeling of relief , and that’s all . Before this I was deeply anticipating the end of it , the beginning of something new , but now that it has ended, I still feel as empty as I was feeling during the activities were held.

I wonder if I have feelings anymore. I feel so tired . Sometimes, I really wonder, do I really have a place to belong to ? It was weird , seeing how the rest relentlessly commit themselves, sacrificing their sweat ,blood and tears to do something that , in logical and rational thinking , will almost contribute nothing much to their future . Yet they seemed so happy doing it , and seems to be fully enjoying themselves every second.

I dunno . Somehow, the things that can intrigue or amused me seems to be gone little by little. Perhaps it is the process of growing up , but I am getting less amused by everyday happenings. It is as though there are nothing much that can bring my moods up and amuse me. It is as though as I give up looking forward for optimism and the promised happiness. It is as though hope has abandoned me.

From the start, I knew that I have strong inter and intrapersonal skills. It may sound abit egoistic and arrogant , but trust me , it is not. This statement is a mere jurisdiction of my analytical skills judging from my interest of people. I also knew that I am easily bored and can be very hard to be entertained from the start. However, I couldn’t imagine it could be this bad.

I know that I am not alone. I know that there are thousands , or maybe even millions more out there that have the same personality or attitude as mine. We, the silent millions are the ones who smile and put on a cheerful persona outside , the ones who are labeled optimists , happy-go-lucky people , the one who never gets tired or depressed. Yet, we know, deep inside, when we are alone , mind tricks began to collude our minds , the inner pessimistic realists take over , and we are left perplexed with the onslaught of confusing questions bombarding our minds.

So, tell me brothers and sisters , how do we solve the age-old mystery of acquiring happiness ? A few days ago , I was walking with one of my friend when we were asked to make a wish on the wishing tree nearby. I wished for happiness, love and joy. Is it that hard to achieve? In retrospect , I had acquired a prediction from a temple . The prediction, or more precisely , premonition about me states that in my life and future undertakings, I will be faced with a lot of obstacles before gaining tremendous success in the end. However, the pain is slowly killing me. How much longer must I endure to taste the sweet victory of success ?

 Just a moment ago , I was reading an article in newspaper that intrigues me. That article was talking about recognition and acknowledgement after death , which truly make a point. The writer cites the case of Amy Winehouse, a singer whose life was plagued with drugs abuse and whole lots of problems . Only after her death , she was recognized and acknowledged for her good deeds, the good side of her , the pain she suffered battling drugs , the fragility and tragedy of her life story. This is terrible. Why do we , humans only notice the hidden sides of someone , only after his/her death ? Why do we fail to know a person’s idiosyncrasies , the story of his life , the multiple facets of him when he was alive ? Why must we wait for his death only to moan and regrets not spending a little more time with him, eulogizing words of appreciation and his good deeds. Why? In the writer’s word “ Dying is the key to getting noticed” .

In a way , I supposed it was true. Maybe death is a way of saying that someone is human. Someone wants to be known , to be noticed . Someone has a story to tell. Someone has desires and wishes , hopes and failures. Someone wants a place in this world to belong to , to be loved and to love. Someone’s life wasn’t just about the things he did or said,but also about the things left undone or unsaid.

When I read the article , I felt a deep sense of nostalgia and a strong connection . Perhaps I am that someone who craves attention , but did not ever have the proper channel to display it, someone who is trying to find a place to belong to , yet fails to fit in any community . I am trying to change. I have had enough of being the “cheerful” guy . Sick and tired of being the joker or clown of the group . People ought to be more sensitive with their remarks.Just because I might fool around and crack some nonsensical jokes, it doesn't mean I can't be serious and emotional .So , please , grant me the strength to change , to overcome the fear of rejection , and to accept the courage of conviction.

As mentioned afore, the premonition states that I have many more battles to overcome before I can finally achieve success. So , I guess that means there will be more emotional , depressing even , gloomy blog posts to come in the future . Oh well , only those who had braved the stormy seas will find glory anyway. I guess that’s all for now. Wishing all the best for myself , and as always , hoping for love, happiness and peace for you and me ;). Until next rant ~. =D

 

Time Management.

Awh, one more week till SPM Trials. =.-. Last minute preparation.Way to go.... lol..Hope I can make it. Good luck for others having the similar test.As exam is approaching , this will be a very short update only.What I wanna stress is... TIME management is damn important! Lack of it and you will end up stressing yourself,trying to be a lifeless zombie devouring all the facts in matter of days =.-. (much like wat i am doing now). Frankly, I think with proper time management, one can enjoy life even when major exam is approaching. Why didn't I publish this post sooner and remind myself of it I wonder? Again, Good luck to all!

Of Dependance and Reliance

How often do you think of this?When you have a choice, do you rely on others or do it yourself?I believe I did blogged about this last time before but I couldn't help to repost this entry again.Why?Well, there are always reason for my every actions.Yesterday night,something happened.Let's not stress on the detail,shall we? But all I can say is that some family problem occured.It is scary how alcoholism can turn one's life upside down.

Adults are idiots.Thats what I think.No, wait , I should specify it a little.Adults that don't know how to think are idiots.After all these years, can't they think a little?Think of their responsibility , think of their duty and think of other's future .Can't that be done?On usual time,their mind should be clear.Yet, with just a little sip of wine, their attitudes turned upside down.From a thoughtful,caring men to a fool,mindless monkey.All it takes is just a sip of wine and some smokes from cigarette.That is total bullshit.I despises them.I can't stand it.

That set me thinking again.Why? Why bother relying on others?After all, our reliance might be loss anytime.Worse yet, the trust and reliance we are placing on others might backfire and left nothing done for us.I have given up on hope.I guess, 3 months is just too short for anything to change.Let it be 3 years then.In 3 years time, I swear, I will be completely dependent on myself.Then,I will have no excuses or anyone to blame on anymore.

This few days are very gloomy days for me.Almost as if my whole life is turning their backs on me.But never mind. Who cares anyway.I shall persevere even if I am the only one left in my own world.Just you wait!!!

Mindless

As much as it pains me to say it, I have to admit one fact.I am always in constant mood swing.One moment you might see me smiling happily, the next you might see me being depressed,sulking in the corner.And this is what makes me very frustrated.I am frustrated with myself,with my ever changing mood that comes and go as freely as wind.I am annoyed too with my inability to complete tasks and assignments as promised,with my procrastination that never ever fails to amaze me every time I wanna do something,leading into an always incomplete work.And then there is this mindless,stupidity of mine to not be able to utilise and appreciate whatever I am having now and take things for granted.Yet, if I was asked to name one of my worst habit, it would be my inability to make choices,correct choices.

There are so many bad thing that I hate about myself that I sometimes would go crazy rambling over them.Yea,much like what I am doing now currently.I can't even comprehend this meaningless act of mine now.

Recently, it sets me thinking again.Some of my own friends claimed that my blog is too "wordy" and the presence of many words and less pictures has driven their interest away from viewing this blog.I don't blame them for that.They are teenagers.I just have to blame fate that I don't have enough "matured" friends that actually care to read it and understand it.I noticed that my age generation of blogger is quite few.Most of the bloggers are of age 20 and above,so maybe that explains why most teenagers my age could care less of reading blogs.Now,I could care less too as of who reads my blog.As I said earlier in my previous entries, my blog is just a place to vent out my thoughts, my convictions, my opinions and have others that perhaps might have similar thoughts could relate to it and discuss about it.But somehow, over the time , my writing style seems to deviate a bit from it's original purpose.

Yeah, there are a lot of blogging styles in this vast blogosphere.There are some embedded with sense of humour such as those like kennysia's, there are those thought-provoking writing style like Matthew-Zachary's blog.And there are those of teenagers style of bimbo blogs ( involves the blogger filling up their blogs with thousands of their own pics with diff styles ).As for me ,I personally prefer Matthew-Zachary's style of producing thought-provoking entries.That explains the lengthy entries sometimes.However,somehow,recently,my writing style seems to deviate from it's original intented to be thought-provoking style.Surely, I am hoping my blog would be as popular as one of the celebrity's blog mentioned above but yet if I were to accomplish it by copying other's ideas or changing my original writing style that I am comfortable with, I don't think it would be so much of a pleasant experience.

So, with that in mind, I have to apologize first.If you think this blog is too "wordy" and not worth reading, do please click on the close button [X] on top of your browser.No one is stopping you from leaving,alright ?Lastly, I would like to thank those readers that are willing to share a piece of your mind and relates your stories by leaving comments.Your opinions are really much appreciated,sincerely. =D

* A quick note to myself*
Indeed luck is something you can't control that will affect your life but more than often it is the decision making skills that counts in the end.Every time you wanna regret , think again, remember you HAD the choices,it is up to you whether to choose the devil or the angel.

Next Two Days.

Listening to :Fen Kai Yi Hou [分開以後 ]-Danson Tang Yu Zhe

There are two more days left till this holiday , oops i mean study break to end.Yes,those two days are 2morrow which is a Saturday , and Sunday.Two more days to go till this end.I swear I will definitely make good use of this two days. Let's compare what I have been doing today with what I will be doing 2morrow.

Today :
Woke up at 1 p.m. Read blogs, on9 a bit,read newspaper and spent the rest of the day hearing songs and banging my head to it.Well,as of normal day, this kind of activities being done should pose no problems at all.Sure,I mean,what's wrong with reading blogs ,newspapers and hear songs all day.Besides,reading newspaper is good right?And blogs too.All good stuffs right?True, nothing is wrong... but somehow I felt something is wrong.Something is missing.Oh yeah.....WHERE IS MY personal dosage of STUDYING and workouts?????And it doesn't help it that exam is coming Woo hoo!

I don't want to end up looking
Like that !!!

OR

Yeah , like this guy.You wanna know what he is thinking?Lemme tell u .He is thinking " Hu cares bout study, I just wanna bomb ur house tonite Muahahaz "

Oh well. Ok. So technically, all I did today was of no use.Or issit ? I reckon reading blogs and hearing songs are quite entertaining xD.Alright,now for my resolution for the next two days.

STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!

For heaven sake, PLEASE STUDY HARD o' The super lazy pig zen (See my previous post for my piggy pic :P ) !!!!! I still wanna get 10A1's for SPM ok!

That's it.For the next two days,I am gonna be a .....

ROBOT! A lifeless,emotionless robot that only purpose of existence is to devour all those mind-blowing ,crazy, idiotic , stupid, useless facts in all the reference books.Good Bye my songs.Good Bye msn. Good Bye computer *sniffs*

See ya back in 2 days time!

Mental Battle

I dunno why.Everytime I go out with my entire family,(consisting my parents and my sister) , I will somehow end up coming back with a gloomy,sad expression, having a rather pissed-off sort of look.And by everytime , i do mean it.Today's hang out has been indifferent.I wasn't in a good mood before going out with them.However, after coming back I am seriously pissed off.

I wonder why ? Issit the retarded mentality of my younger,bratty sister that always annoy me with her vanity and extravagant spending ?Or issit my parent's child-like attitude that always argues with each other regarding some seemingly trivial things?Or maybe today is just isn't my day.Seriously, every outing with them will eventually end up the same,whether I was happy or not before.

This leads me to believe that either there is something wrong with the family or something wrong with me.Nevertheless, one thing for sure, I don't like family outing.As much as I like to hate them ( my parents and sis ) for being the way they are, I can't.We know that every humans make mistakes right?So do my parents and sis.Everytime they make mistakes, I did notice it and often in my mind, I will start having thoughts like " Oh, come on,look at them, how pathetic.Don't you just hate them ?"

But then again ,another part of me would start defending and argues my point by saying things like "You can't hate them, they are your parents and your sisters,related to you by bloods and veins.Just think of what you would have become if it wasn't for them."

Ok,I might be exaggerating but there definitely exists some sort mental battle going on in my mind whenever I think of something.If I were to put it in words,you could say that it is a battle between my instincts and reasonings.To further demonstrate it,let me illustrate it with this picture below.( those onion heads are damn cute ain't they ?:P )
Yeah,basically that's what has been happening in my mind everytime I think of something.And the whole process repeats itself over and over again.So,more than often, all the bad things and evil intentions my instinct suggests will be balanced with my good counterpart, logical and reasoning me .It is a good thing actually.If it wasn't for my thinking self,you may already see me in newspaper headline becoming an infamous criminal =D.

Oh well, today is the 3rd day of my one week holiday already. I tried to become the mindless and lifeless machine to devour all the facts in my referrence book but to no avail.Maybe I didn't try too hard? Alright, now I am beginning to think that more time is better =D.Alright, til next time folks. Whenever there is another mental battle in my head, I will definitely blog it out here =D.So, be sure to check it out !!!

Time

As of now, I am currently having my first day of my one week holiday.Though being known as "holiday",it isn't actually that enjoyable.Why?Simple, because about now, probably everyone around my age would be having an exam fever.Yeah, the much like football fever, this exam fever forces one to study and study to prepare for their biggest fear yet , the SPM (Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia ) examination.In fact,straight after this holiday , there are only a few days left till SPM Trial comes.So,that's instead of going hang out at Queensbay /Gurney or go have fun dating with gfs/bfs , most of us teens that are having SPM this year are busy studying,depriving themselves of any entertainment.


I too, am being affected by this exam fever.Often, I will be in the state of panic and fear, thinking about the result I would get when the time comes.Probably due to the traumatic experience of getting 4As 1 B in my UPSR ( Ujian Penilaian Sekolah Rendah ) during my primary school life.That painful and depressing memory of me watching all my other friends achieving straight As is still firmly etched into my mind.I definitely won't want to experience the same thing again.

Back to reality,for today, I did some studying in the morning and afternoon.I have to say ,even though it isn't that great, but at least my effort wasn't pointless.At around 4 , when the beaming hot suns shine through my window and hit me on my face,I had decided ,Enough is enough.No way can I study in this almost half-baked room.Not especially when I don't even have air-conditionals .With this super hot condition, there is no way I can do anything, heck not even a sleep!!!Frustrated, I on my com and start looking for interesting blogs to lighten up the mood.Then, it starts me thinking again.What I truly want now ?

Now,I just want the time to sped up so that this hellish 3 months can be fast forward and the heavy burden of scoring straight A's can be lifted off from me.I am saying this as I know in this coming 3 months , it will be nothing but study, study and more studying.Frankly, I am not a studious,nerdy type.I do enjoy reading but not the scientific and historic facts from the reference book or dictionary.Therefore, I want the next 3 months of pure suffering and torture to end RIGHT NOW!!!!Unfortunately, as much as I want it to be, things aren't meant to happen however we want.Time cannot be controlled.

Picture Source : Flickr

Then again, I find it pretty ironic.There are times when I want time to go slower or even to stop moving completely and then there are times like now, where I want it to go fast and skip through months.This is just like our life.When we are young , we want to grow up so fast so that we are capable of being like other adults, to be able to work ,earn money,having controls over our lifes instead of being told what to do and the biggest reason being .... don't have to go to school =D ( I am sure most of you have this thoughts ^^). Yet when we are already a grown-up,we miss all the early childhood memories we had, all the fun and sweet smiles others gave, all the pure and innocent world without a single care or responsibility.That's when we change our hope to be able to return to our childhood life.Isn't it strange?

I know that time is precious and every seconds counts but still,for now , I truly want things to speed up a little.Maybe just a little?Yet,deep in my heart , I have a sensation that I will regret it in the near future trying to recover the time that I had lost.Maybe the best solution is to "store and keep away " the time I am having now and use it next time when I wants more time ?Again, this is impossible. Oh well .. just keep enduring .

National Service

12th August 2008,at around 8 something , I had a shocking news.Just as usual , I wake up from my deep slumber and online immediately." Ah, everything is gonna be the same , it will be just a few people that online and there will be nothing new." ,such was my thought at that moment.Boy,I couldn 't be more wrong than that.My usually "dead " and contacts-less msn suddenly displays a lot of people online.As I glanced through my contact's personal message,I saw something in common.They all have more or less has a " NS " word in their pm.That's when I realise something was wrong.Something was going on that time.Not until one of my friend messages me to tell me that the National Service (NS) results has been announced.

ZOMG ! OMG OMG OMG ! Unlike some others that decided not to know about it , I quickly heads to the official website and check it.Unfortunately,it seems that the website is lagging due to the absurb numbers of visitors.Or maybe just poor website maintainance. Either way, It seem that I can check using phone too.So, in hurry, I smsed NS(space)my ic to 33995 and WAH LA.My result....

"TAHNIAH,Anda telah DIPILIH untuk menyertai Program Latihan Khidmat Negara sesi 6/2009 " =.- And there goes my hope of spending my holiday happily with my own plans.Upon receiving the result, I fell in the state of panic and fear,words alone can't even describe this feeling.There,I will let this pictures do the talking.





Cute eh those pics?XD. OK.... Calm Down... After a few minutes of asking others whether they got the "gift" of going NS or not, finally I has decided to accept the truth. Well, since I am being selected to go , there is nothing I can do ( Actually , I can choose to skip it by several means which I will discuss later ).So,might as well be calm and accept it naturally .Afterall,it could be fun =D or it could be my worst nightmare =/. Either way, after some "creative " discussion with friends, I found out that there are actually several ways one can avoid it.

1)If you have a severe,contagious sickness with an official medical certificate and approval from doctor,you can easily skip it. Ok maybe no need to be severe and contagious, Better yet,if yuo have a doctor as your parent,just ask your father to scribble some letter about a disease and make it sounds very bad and believable can d xD (example : WLINCS (Will die if No computer syndrome )

2) You can postpone it or go to overseas to study till the expiry age(lol expiry age,how did I get that term ).One of my friend told me that the expiry age for NS is 35 years old =.-.So,for those going overseas, stay there till 35! XD.

3)I dunno, just somehow, run all over the country and live as a fugitive =D

Ah.. I dunno. I have mixed feelings now.A part of me is getting excited of what lies ahead in the NS training camp while the other part of me fears that something will go wrong and it will be a disaster there.Lets judge the pros and cons of this NS thingy,shall we?

Pros
-Able to meet new friends ( hot chicks should inspire you if you are a guy =D ,if u are a gay,...well there are still guys for you ^^.)
-Able to do some fitness training there .( Hoping to get six pack and muscles all over your body?Dream on la , some scars maybe la )
-Able to get closer to your old friends. Perhaps they are gonna be in the same camp as you?
-Able to waste spend your time wisely. (HAH you must be a super bored guy to be willing to go there to spend your time )

Cons
-Wasting all the times that you can use for other purposes.(I.e Study? Nawh Have fun la Spm over! GO out with friends everyday ,Go party , Go overnight , Go do whatever that are "beneficial " )
-You will get a nice hairstyle for free! BALD hair!(There goes all the super cool hairstyle that you dream of doing )
-Worse, you might not meet new friends or even old friends.Unlucky and you will meet some racists bastards that will jeer and bully you for the rest 3 months.
-You end up getting all those bumps and scars instead of muscles.

There ya go, pros and cons. I shall do nothing for now while let time decide my future.We shall see ! I am hoping for a good ending though =D.Here are some pictures that I "borrow" from other's blog lol.


Air-conditioned sleeping room? No, haze-conditioned maybe
The uniforms blends you together with nature, so even if you lost, don't worry, no one will notice.
Human cannon anyone?

Pics Source : This blog

A happy memory .. awh... maybe? hehe

Hope I can get a memorable experience in NS if I am going.

Self-Esteem

Listening to : Wilber Pan-Lu Tai Wan
Like any other normal teenagers in this world, I faced yet another one of the common problems.Self-esteem, or rather commonly known as confidence, is definitely a big issue in a man's life.Not only does it apply to guys , but I am pretty sure it does made much impacts towards woman's life too right?Lack of self-esteem can be a big problem.

I think I definitely have a lot of problems regarding this confidence issue.I believe most guys do have this problem too , or issit only me?Most of the time , I will be questioning my abilities.For example,I would always ask myself

1) Who are you compared to others?
2)What is/are your passion(s)?
3)What talents do you have?

The answers for the above question... for me , are definitely bad ones.To be honest, I don't really know my interests or what I wish to do.For now, I am just doing whatever I can do to pass time to discover what awaits me after SPM.I have no interest or whatsoever passion that I wish to indulge in.Oh wait,maybe there are.. Yeah,there are passions but the problem with it is that I can't accomplish it.No, not as a teenager now.If only I could skip forward some time ahead or even reverse back to my past.All but mere impossible dreams.

Talents? Logically speaking , talents only exists when you have passions.That is how talents are born.If you are interested in something , definitely you would be talented in it after some time.So,without knowing my passion , automatically I don't have any talents as well.I do have some secret desires to do something out of my mind but then again,I know it is impossible as I do not have the fund to do so.I can only blame it on fate.Yeah nothing but fate and luck.

Just yesterday I was talking to my friend and he told me about some great ,talented kids in his school,achieveing great feat at his mere age of 15.Honestly,I was amazed yet at the same time felt jealous.Yes,jealous over his talents.The world has seen many great talents surfacing over this few decades.I just wonder why am I not part of them ?Sure ,I believe with great talent,comes great responsibility and problems too but I don't mind if I do possess some talents.

Awh, in the end of the day ,It is just me not being myself.Yeah, there is a quote saying " Just be yourself".Then again, who is myself?I am starting to doubt my own existence as well.Why am I here?What am I doing now?For what purpose do we,men, lives?

After much thoughts,finally, one conclusion , albeit incomplete has been reached.In conclusion, just don't think too much.Those questions are mysteries that aren't meant to be answered by us.Lets just say we existed for the sake of it.Since I am already here,who cares how or why am i being born into this world as me?Depending on other's perspective, I might be unlucky ,judging from my own viewpoint, yet I am considered damn lucky compared to other poorer guys.I just have to appreciate life as it is.Though I might not be able to indulge in every field I am interested in, Though I might not have any talents , though I am ,but a simple-minded fool, I don't care anymore.

I should be happy being born into this world!I live a better life compared to some others. So ,why am I lamenting and sulking over other more fortunate people while there are thousand others suffering over their misfortune?Geez,thinking back, it kinda make me feel bad. Ah,for now,I just have to endure! Day after day, it is gonna change. Time gonna change me.Definitely ,my life would change for better!Oh yeah,there is saying that says "everyone possess their own talents " So, I shall just surrender myself to that saying and believe it just for a little longer =D.I will just wait till my talent surfaces . Until then,Just ENDURE and be PATIENCE !




Just be Patient and sulking in the corner =X .

Rants of D Day!

Tsk .. what a day.When I finally thought I made the correct decision,it turns out to be quite the contrary.Yes,ladies and gentleman, I had made the wrong decision once more.Dang!Today,I was given the choice to choose between staying at home doing god-knows-what-I-can-do or going to gurney plaza to watch The Mummy :Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

If it was any other day, I would definitely choose the latter without any hesitation. Sadly,today was an exception,after spending a wholesome of money , I decided to quit.Yeah, stop for a moment that is.I chose the former option, that is to stay at home and not to waste a single cent.

Oh yeah,, today is my friend’s birthday celebration too.I would have gone if it wasn’t for this messy “problem” of mine =.-. Either way,lets just say for this few days, I would rather remain stationery in my house.Hmm.. this plan was initially a perfect one BUT thanks to a little event hosted by my younger sis … My whole plan was ruined -.-.

She planned her birthday party… in the house.Ah,Imagine the horror when I knew it. To make things worse,it is on TODAY! The day that I thought being at home would be better .Ah geez why today of all days?What is wrong with birthday party,you might ask ? Nothing is wrong with it.It is just me that is wrong.This birthday party of hers invited almost all my relatives and her friends.

I have always been an introvert guy since young.Shy towards other people excluding my friends.Yup,shy even towards my relatives.Hmm.. I wasn’t too sure whether “shy “ is a correct word to use in this situation. Yes,I believe “awkward” would be a better word.I felt awkward whenever I was with my relatives.I even hated some of them.Honestly, I wasn’t in good terms to either one of them.I don’t ever recall having a great conversation with either one of them at all.Being the only male teenager and English educated child among my relatives and cousins, I will always be the weird one. .Whenever I am with them,I will always be quiet,introvert guy playing with his handphone only.Thanks to that,all my older relatives ( all the aunties , uncles and etc ) will somehow look at me as a nerdy guy.Well,if that is what their impression of me,so be it.I could care less on what are their impressions towards me.In fact, I would gladly accept this opinions of them.All that’s matters is that they don’t disturb me.

For that particular reason, I truly hates family gatherings more than anything else.Yea,I hate it.Totally.What could be more “entertaining” than being with some guys/gals that you don’t talk to for a few hours?And here I am, being in this situation where I am surrounded by those relatives of mine.How I wish that it would end faster…Arg, I got my bratty sis to thank for having this stupid party.Not only does it costs a Bomb but it even creates chaos and ruin my plans.crap!

Oh yeah,on the side note, stupid streamyx and msn manages to ruin my day too.Thank you for providing such bizarre service,TMNUT!argggggggg how I wish I actually go to gurney just now TT. But then again, who knows how it would turn out ? =D Ah... how i wish there is someone to hug me now T_T !



Oh Wait, i got my bolster =D *hug * ^^

Rants

Listening to : Zhuan Shu Tian Shi by TANK to calm my emotions

Look , I prefer not to rant if I could but then again, who am I kidding?In this world there is no way one such as me is capable of suppressing angers and feeling to rant out everything in my mind.Today, I am extremely pissed off by one person.I wanted to blog about this before but I did not last time.So,today, No mercy! I am gonna bitch like there is no 2morrow!

There is one person in my life that irritates and annoyed me to no end.She's a women, a girl to be exact... A childish , vain and extravagant girl.Worse of all, she had got my family blood running through her veins ! Yeah, none other than my younger sister.I know some of you out there are lucky because you have a good ,superb sis and maintain a good relationship with her/them but Not for me here.Why? I just couldn't get along with her no matter what I try.Never !

She,being the youngest in my family,gets all the luck.Computer at the age of 10, followed by handphone that is even greater than mine,plus all the money she spent on buying clothes and throwing party.Bang! It may seems like I am jealous of her but actually that is not the case.....Alright maybe I am just a little jealous but that doesn't change my point.She, being the luckiest and yet still bitchs around and dare to demands more money from my mother.WTH la? Damn,when I was her age, I didn't even spent a cent on all those gadgets and here she is complaining she is not lucky enough.

Despite her constant vanity,she is also an extravagant brat.Capable of spending money like water.She thinks our family cop money issit now?Damn.Thanks to her , I am capable of getting nothing but pure misery.Imagine all the things I could have gotten without her? Arg ,she spent nearly half the family fortunes on useless stuffs!The point is, I DONT LIKE HER! and neither does she ! How I wish I can get out of this misery right now and lift off this burden of being her brother.DANG!