Sometimes...

*dup dup * Heart palpitates with furious beats, with each beat producing a more distinctly louder thumping sound than the previous beat , eventually it reaches even the echoes of my ears then *thump* a loud thump , and a sudden stop.

*Dead silence*
Then, a ray of light shines glamorously towards me ,signalling the end of my bus trip. I have arrived , finally, at K.L , again.

***

My mind just refuses to think anymore . Too much worries and stress clouded my rational thinking that my brain decides to just give up on thinking about it. I have been to K.L for more than 10 times already now, yet the 5 hours bus journey from my hometown , Penang to K.L has never failed to amaze me . Each bus journey is always different from the previous one due to the different kind of bus and the roads they travel , but one thing remains more or less the same ,the travel time.

This time is no difference. I boarded the bus at 3.30 pm and reached Pudu Sentral at approximately 9 pm. That is a freaking 5 hours and 30 minutes travel time in a bus.But I am not complaining. There's a cliche that says that you will only realize how important some stuff is after you lost it. I learnt this the hard way. I have lost the precious time that I could spend in my hometown , sacrificing it for some other activities. While other people are going back to their respective uni on 19th of February, here I am , ranting about my predicament right in my university on 2nd of February. Not exactly something I really wanted.

But then again, as the camp and activities have yet to be executed, I shouldn't be judgmental and assume that I will be happier at home rather than here for the next 2 weeks. Who knows, the next 2 week here would be the best time I will ever have in my life? Haha , hopes ~ ahh

I digressed, anyhow, as I have mentioned before, every bus journey is different, and 5 hours 30 minutes is a pretty long time . And being a big thinker that thinks a lot, I used a a bulk of that time to reflect on my current self .

I am sure there are a lot of people that think of me as that friendly,happy-go-lucky, childish guy that always goes around making people laugh , the silly joker, clown that won't grow up forever.Heck,even I think myself to be like that sometimes. But then again, deep inside my heart, it's not really who I wanna be. I have never intended to be childish and be the silly joker that makes people laugh while suffering all the gloom and despair myself. I never did. But it just so happened to be that my outer shell , the way I presented myself is like that. All I ever wanted was to make people happy, and I succeed, most of the time anyway. But in the end , I myself am the one who suffers the most.

I truly refuse to be thought as the childish clown anymore. I refuse to accept such label and I intended to change all that. What I truly wanna be is the matured , helpful guy that is worth being considered as potential partner, not some silly clown that is helpful , but forever be in the friend zone. And I notice i complain too much too sometimes , often for a good reason and logical purpose, but it just seems that people fail to understand why I did that sometimes? Is it wrong to stand up for what you believe in? Is it wrong to be romantic and sensitive? Is it wrong to act the way I am yet still believing in hope? As my reflection goes on , so does my bus continue moving...

As I approaches my destination , slowly but surely , a familiar feeling began to surface from the corner of my heart , accelerating my heart beats rate . Ah... the unwelcomed feeling of loneliness and darkness have arrived . I hate to say this , but even I can get scared and lonely sometimes. No, a better way to phrase this is that everyone gets lonely,depressed and gloomy sometimes. This is especially true to those who always smiles a lot and cheerful in front of people. In fact, these kind of people are the most prone to loneliness and depression. Damn it, if only more people would realize that .

****

Now,let's go back a little in time shall we? Today is rather tumultuous day for me . I woke up at 7 am with a deep feeling of anxiety and uncertainty. Anxiety, because my face is still full of acne scars and the fact that I will have to meet a few of my old friends and even juniors in a few minutes time scares me.Uncertainty, because I know that today will be the day I go back to K.L and faces all the people still with my badly damaged face.I am very tempted to just skip all of the activities and isolates myself from the rest, forming my own social seclusion and abstain from meeting anyone until my face cures , but unfortunately , my moral obligation forbids me from doing so.

So, off I go , meeting my old friends and juniors with a poker face and a fake smile on my face, pretending not to give a single damn about my appearance when I am itching to just dig a hole and bury myself deep inside.And I even resisted my rational idea of staying home and board the 3.30 pm bus to K.L anyway.Now, back to the bus journey.

***

I pride myself as being the master of my emotions ,able to manipulate and control my emotions as I wish , yet sometimes I fall prey to them. When you are riding a bus alone for 5 hours 30 minutes, arriving at an unfamiliar dark place far different from your hometown , and knowing that there's still some distance from the place bus drop you and your hostel, and the fact that you have to walk back alone carrying 3 bags in an unsecured place ALONE ,can be rather fearsome = ).So yeah, I succumbed to that negative thoughts for awhile.

But my emotions fluctuates like a rollercoaster ride, it can go extremely high one moment and goes right to severe depression the next moment. And luckily , this has worked in my favour this time. When I was boarding the LRT , it occured to me that no matter what I think of, life still goes on.

True, there might be no one who is able to understand me the way I am now , and I might get lonely and depressed from time to time , yearning for a woman who understands me and who will nurture me with love, but hey, THIS IS HOW LIFE WORKS. Life is naturally unfair ,and obstacles and challenges are bound to be in your way. Obviously , you have two choices , keep on complaining and wallowing in your self-pity OR SUCK IT ALL UP and MOVE ON !!! ;)

I have read somewhere that negative thoughts and stress are bad for my skin ... ah.. that explains it. So, now I am doing everything in my power to stop those negative thoughts as well as a whole lot of other stuff ( diet ,lifestyle ,etc ). To my body and mind, I am seriously doing my best now, so please cooperate with me and get rid of those acnes and scars , please? =) I trust that you can.

And to my emotional self, don't worry , just be happy.Stress and negative thoughts won't do you any good. Give yourself a pat on the back and nurture your soul with positive energies. You will find the one soon ! Your face will heal itself soon ! Everything is gonna be okay soon!! :)
There's a quote that sounds like this , "In the midst of every difficulty, lies opportunity " ,hence, survive this ordeal, and you will definitely be stronger and better than the rest.

Last but not least, recently I have found an old cliche in which I am determined to embed as my own personal motto. This is it !

" Everything will be okay in the end . If it's not okay , then it's not the end yet ;) ".

Let tomorrow and the days after that be filled with joy, happiness and lots of lots of love ~ =D

Romance

"Adolescence is like a heavy rain. Even though you catch a cold from it, you still look forward to experiencing it once again"And that .. is the basic premise of the wonderful romantic movie, You Are The Apple of My Eye.

Recently, I just finished watching two Taiwan romantic movies , namely Love You You ( 夏日乐悠悠 ) starring Eddie Peng and AngelaBaby and another widely popular ,acclaimed movie called You Are The Apple of My Eye ( 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 ) .These two movies appealed to me alot, especially the latter one, which gave me a lasting impression.


While the first movie is just mediocre , the story was rather touching and the second movie.. is just mind blowing .I have to say, to a pure romanticist , these two movies are an absolute bliss, and very addicting ( especially the second one) Though, the thing is after watching the movies, whenever I asked some of my friends about the movies , most of them respond with a rather not so hyped response , female friends especially , mostly replied that these two movies are either normal or just mediocre at best, with a few even saying it's not interesting.



Then, it set me thinking , I could understand if people say Love You You is not interesting , but 那些年? NOT INTERESTING? How could it be ? The movie, which I consider the pinnacle and epitome of all romance movies I have watched so far, the movie which caused torrents of tears to come gushing down from my eye , the heart-wrenching , tear-jerking ,soul-grasping movie that have become a world wide phenomenon. I just couldn't believe it . Perhaps those who have read the novel would say that the novel is much better,hence somehow heightens the expectation people have about the movie . But then again, there are still alot of people that haven't read the novel , went in and watched the movie and still think it sucks. Moreover,not to be sexist,but I can't help noticing that most of the people are female viewers o.O.

What does this mean? Is love dead? Are females nowadays less romantic than females of the yesteryear ?Could it be true that females nowadays have less passion and romance and chose to focus more on the pragmatic side of the world ,i.e wealth and fame? I wonder... Hopefully ,this is not the case. I guess a youtuber's comment regarding the first movie put it best when he said " And THAT sole reason alone is what makes this movie GOOD! The idea, that the usual kiss takes a movie romantic is pure bullshit. As a guy, hopeless romantic, and romanticist. I found every aspect of this movie entertaining. You don't need a kiss to show, that love is there. As a critic of love stories this one deserves a 4/5. The movie twists the norm of how people view love stories".

On another note, Valentine Day is just around the corner , are you guys ready to date the girl of your dream? ;) Will you be spending it with your partner, or will you be spending it alone? For me, I think it would be just me alone, or perhaps with some of my friends ;).I would be lying though if I don't feel the least bit of sadness spending it with friends/alone again this year. But after watching these movies, I have finally came to a realization that not everyone felt the same way towards love as I feel. I am a romanticist , a pure one too. Hence, I guess the girl of my life have to be of the same type of people I am to complement each other ;). I used to believe love can be nurtured, but I guess it was wrong, not in my case perhaps.Now, I wonder does romantic people still exist? I wonder.. will I still have a chance to be the romanticist i always wanted to be? I wonder and ponder ....

Now, all I can do is just keep on improving myself ,waiting for my own version of Shen Chia-yi to appear ;) . In the meantime, I will just keep on hope and pray that the two curses that I mentioned afore will be lifted off soon enough . I am trusting my mind and body for this one.Slowly,but surely, all of these dreadful stuff will be gone soon and only the good things will come if I continue to believe in myself.

To all the blessed couples out there, stay true to your partner and enjoy yourselves to the most this coming Valentine ;)
To all the singletons as myself xD , be happy you don't have to deal with relationship problems lol ,and rest assured, love will come to you soon if you just believe in it!!!

That's all for now , hopeless romanticist signing out~ ;)

2011 reflection

2011 Reflection

No matter what people say about 2011, I am pretty damn sure mine is a tumultuous one . 2011 has been a year filled with unpredictable changes , accentuated by the perpetual bad strides that came my way and only a little ray of light that helped me hold on till the end.

And now that I have made it 2012, barely surviving , the bad weather is still not over , as I have yet to see the clouds and the so called silver lining beneath them. It has been a long, arduous year. Unfortunately, it has been equally long time since my last post in this blog.

Oh, well, not like anyone gives a damn care right? Anyhow, it sort of becomes a tradition to post a reflection of the year as It reaches its end and passes its baton to the coming new year. But this year, I have been quite late to do that particular reflection. But hey, always better to be late than never right? So here I go, This shall be a post of reflection of the yesteryear, the year that went by ( kinda reminds u of 那些年, no? haha) , and hope and aspirations of the new 2012 , as well as my resolutions for it.So,without further ado, let’s begin !

2011, the most eventful incident that ever happened to me in this particular year is my entrance to the prestigious premier university of Malaysia, University of Malaya ( UM ). Coming here made me realize I actually misses home, the comfort and convenience that I once take for granted so easily are lost all of a sudden, and that made me realize how precious they are.

Coming to UM also opens up a whoie new window of opportunity and enables to see the life through another perspective, and little do I realize the significance of the fact that I am now an undergraduate university student. It’s amazing how time passes.At one point, I remembered I just finishes my secondary school education and was wondering how would I spent the ample time that I had , and in a blink of an eye, wah la ~ , and I am actually 3 years away from graduation and working in the real world already.

Again, being in UM is really a eye-opening experience for me. Before coming here, I was thinking that KL life will be a very active one, filled with occasional late night hang out and endless sleepless nights of partying and etc. How lucky I am to realize I was wrong. It was a totally different environment and situation from how I envisioned it before. No late night partying, no excessive spending , and unbelievably, not so many KL people in UM . Hah, the oddity of it .Still, I enjoyed the time I spent in here very much as the people here are very friendly *in general* and the memories I had in my hostel was unimaginably fun and memorable :) .

Now, the only drawback is that the hostel that I live in isn’t exactly the best environment for me. But hey, that’s just me with the bad luck . Not everyone was born with acne –prone skin and disease-laden left eye right? And must I stress on how much pain and distress these two curses have brought me? I must. In fact I insist. If you were to browse through my previous posts, then you would know about my eye , but the first curse, the acne-prone skin was actually not much a problem until lately, where it came back from the past to haunt me.Oh well, problem, not gonna talk much about it .

Alright, apart from entering UM,the rest of the year seems pretty normal, I actually worked a lot , having around 4 jobs during the 6 month period of holiday.Though,in retrospect, I suspect that period of holiday could be put to a better use had I done something else.Nevertheless, the experience was rewarding.

Overall, for me 2011 is the year where friendships were made and reconnected , the flames of love were lit and reignited and doused *duh * over and over again , and where passions collided with the cruel,harsh fact of reality.

Now, on to 2012, a year of new hopes and aspirations , of hope and dreams , and hopefully, of reality of making dream come true :) . The start of the year wasn’t too shabby , I spent the countdown to the new year with a few of my crazy friends in Straits Quay , Penang , having a wild time . It could be better though, had it not be for my two
“curses”. Oh yeah, speaking of the devil , I really , really hope I would get rid of those two curses soon as I am really tired from dealing with the bad backlash due to the curses that are impairing my quality of life. That would be my first and most prioritized resolution I suppose.

Second resolution . I wish to get fitter, bigger in fact. I have been taunted again and again over how small I am despite the fact that I am actually not that small. In 2011, I gained the passion to bodybuild ,but sadly the harsh circumstances in the uni life prevented me from continue to developing that passion. Luckily , now in 2012 , the flames of passion were reignited once more, and this time I sure hope I would make it happen !!! Here’s a little pic that I believe truly gives a major motivational boost to those interested in bodybuilding *insert aesthetic development pic here*

3^rd on my wish list,I wish to love and be loved. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against singles , in fact single life can be damn great at times, but yet on some other time , I might just yearn for that particular someone to be there, to share with me my happiness and joy, my sadness and sorrow, and just to be there when I needed her most :) .Somehow, I think this idea is not that far fetched had I gotten rid of my curses . Speaking of love, there is a little something that I would like to mentioned. Lately , I have had a few talk with this one female friend of mine, and she seems to think that men and women should be mere friends. She was asking me why can’t men and women just be friends? While I do not deny the possibility, but I find it abit disheartening by the fact that she treats all the guys that chase her as mere brothers .o.O Case in point, when a guy chases you, obviously he don’t want to be treated as mere “bros” right, being treated so will only wound him more. Guys in general , I believe, view girls as love targets , and will obviously chase them because they believe girls can provide them with love and affection they lack as well as other feminine attributes that only girls can provide. Had they wanted companionship and brotherhood, they could just find their own guys clique. That’s what I personally think anyway. But oh well, everyone got their own view and opinion. A good food for thought anyway.

Next, to do well in my studies and be more active in other aspects of life such as social and extra-curicular aspect. I think this is generally achievable if my lackadaisical attitude did not kick in and my motivational level remains high. This is a pretty common goal I guess for most people. Yet, every year, this goal will always resurfaces. Hopefully, I would be able to maintain and if possible , score consistently in exams and graduate with first class honours. That’s the most important part.

Last but not least, to treat people more nicely and think more before I act. Recently, I came across an article talking about Life hacking and I became deeply intrigued in it. Life hacking is basically changing your life habits and attitude to be more productive in every aspect of life, thereby gaining more health, wealth and happiness in the process.So,the part where I mentioned about treating people more nicely and thinking more , yeah it’s all part of life hacking, I wanted to sleep earlier and be an early riser too, be less addicted to FB and focuses more on my passions. Life hacking to a better life yeahhh!!!!

I guess that pretty up sums up my 2011 reflection and 2012 resolutions. Nothing too interesting happens recently , but there are a few trivial stuffs that made my day though. Stuff like talking to a few friends whom I haven’t met for a long while, reconnecting with them and have crazy good time with them together. These are the stuff that really matters .At the end of your life, except your family and loved ones , the one that will be with you at difficult times are none other than your friends. So, a little advice out there to those who likes to go solo. Treasure your friends, they are the most precious people you will ever have if you found the right ones .

And a little something I thought of : “ Time might pass and memories may fade, but some friendship will never die . And to these wonderful souls that stayed with me, I give thanks, and will forever be grateful for that fact”.

Revenge of the conjunctivitis.

People usually take things for granted,only when they lost those things do they start to yearn for them. I have always hold this quote as one of my absolute truths.But today it proves to be more significant than ever.

Here we go again, just when i thought conjunctivitis is finally gone from my life,it strikes back,and fate would have it that it would strike at the worse possible time, the last day of my holiday . Man... you sure know when to hit me huh , red eyes ? right at my lowest point.

If you have been following my blog * which is very rare , I assume that the only one that have been really following my blog is none other than yours truly lol*, you would have known that Conjunctivitis is my old nemesis, and have always been one of my worst enemy.And it wouldn't be wrong to say that conjunctivitis is the worst disease ever to befall me!!! Not only does it renders me useless and immobile * in the sense that the sudden loss of eyesight, the consistent recurring throbbing on my left eye , and the treatment being the need to rest my eye the whole day and just lie down and do nothing but sleep *

To an active person who always seek to do productive stuff like me , it definitely have to be the worst thing ever to just lie down and do nothing , with full realisation that time is ticking and I am wasting it.It is one of the most dreadful feeling ever, lying down on the cold,hard,bed in a dark, devoid of light room, ALONE!

I just realized that the feeling of being alone is thousand times worst than any other feeling in this world.But then again, in every dark clouds, there are bound to be some silver linings...

I am grateful to this disease too.. for due to it , that I have finally rediscovered the wonderful feeling of family bonds.. In times of despair and pain,only does on know who truly cares and who don't..Thank you mom, for being the beautiful soul you are..

Steve Jobs

Today (5/10/2011) the world mourns the passing of a great man. A legendary visionary, a genius who was brave enough to think differently , bold enough to embrace to take actions to do it , and talented enough to accomplish them. And his actions , has changed the world.

This man is none other than the co-founder of Apple Inc , the man behind the countless epic innovations of iPad, IPhone and other Apple products, Steven Paul Jobs , better known as Steve Jobs.

It's amazing how news flow and stereotype works. I had never been interested in this man's news or biography before his passing. Nor do I know him personally or worship him as my idol. All I knew was that he's a giant star in tech industry and that he rules over the phone and computer tablets market as the CEO of Apple.

But moments after his passing , more and more people became interested in his life stories, me included. It's ironic how people only want to know more about someone only after his/her passing , the same goes for the recent passing of Michael Jackson . Perhaps the way media publicises their death got something to do with it ? Anyhow, I am glad that I looked up into his stories.

It turned out to be one of the most inspirational stories I have ever read.His life is a chaotic mix of brilliance and tragedies. One of the quotes regarding working experience with him summed it best " The highs were unbelieveable , but the lows were unimaginable ". As I slowly indulge more into his life stories , I eventually became more and more captivated by it. How he dropped out from university, how he got fired from the company he created , and how he stood up again , overcoming all those shortcomings ,making one of the best comebacks in the tech industry ever ,back to the helm at Apple and eventually leading it to be one of the biggest company in the world.

As with other talented geniuses, beneath every success stories , every single one of them seems to have some personal problem that haunts them. * MJ with his alleged child abuse * , it was reported that Steve seems to have an egomaniac attitude and was a control freak. It was also purported that he had a strained relationship with his colleagues , families and friends. But then again, it was just a claim . What he does at home, how he treats his subordinates and families, only people concerned would know.Simply subscribing to the articles written by the mainstream media is a suicidal act. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from digesting all materials / articles related to Steve. The inquisitive side of me had got better of me and I just kept on digesting every piece of news and articles I came across in the net.

It was all very mesmerizing. I love reading biographies ,especially those of big,talented people. And this one is particularly appealing.It was amazing how these people can find the strength to overcome those shortcomings and make it back up, to the top of leader of success. Just reading their stories inspires me.

In the end, the conclusion is.. no matter what was written about Steve, one truth remains is that his actions has changed the world , altered the way we look at technologies. His vision of combining aesthetic taste of art and technological advances has succeeded. As he puts it in his own words "It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating." , the way he feel about arts.He did what many failed , went into uncharted water , challenged Microsoft , IBM ,Google, and other industry giants head on and won , revolutionising portable computers, tablets, mp3 players and other technological gadgets with the innovation of iPhone, iMac, iPad and iPod.

It's just amazing how one man, single-handedly accomplished so much... And as I went on with my little " research " , I found one of the most inspiring video of all times , depicting his commencement speech in Stanford University. I strongly encourage that you spare some time to watch it , please , ladies and gentlemen , if you do have some free time, I implore you , no i insist , that you watch this video. If you are in need of a motivation or inspiration , then you need to watch this even more.


There are a few quotes there that truly hit me, and resonates with me -

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

"Stay hungry , Stay foolish "

Now, as I digest the meanings behind those words , I look back and reflect upon my past. Indeed.. I have been looking backwards,living in someone else's for far too long... I suppose there is no point chasing after a falling star. Perhaps it was never meant for me. Yet , I always had this compelling desire to repeat my foolish mistakes.

Now, looking at his stories and reading this quote, one question presents itself to me from the depths of my heart . " Do you wanna keep on standing still or move on to change the world ? " That has made all the difference, I hope.. The answer should be clear by now :)

Thank you Steve Jobs , for touching the lives of so many people , me included. Although it's a little late, I am glad that I get to read your stories and watch your inspiring speech delivery. My deepest condolences to your family and friends.. R.I.P Steve Jobs.

Home

It has been a month since I entered university... and this is my second time going back home. Ah..home sweet home. People usually take things for granted, only to yearn for it when they are gone. Sad to say , the same applies to me. As I mentioned before in my previous post , the clothes that cleans themselves everyday , the never ending supply of snacks and food in refrigerator , the privacy of being alone. All these little conveniences that were found at home, vanished instantly when I stepped into the hostel.

There, I learned tolerance , acquired the ability to compromise and live with others and sometimes, it is nice to have a friend or two to be there when you feel bored or need some entertainment. Though, truth to be told, I still prefer the privacy and the precious moments of being alone at my home. Being away from home is a journey to find one's self. No, a more apt description would be the journey to rediscovering myself.

I had always wanted to break away from the norm.The conventional path of going to USM *the closest uni to my hometown , which is basically within driving distance * did not appeal to me at all.In fact,the very thought that I would be staying with the same old clique, doing the same thing over and over again, and staying in the same tiny island for years more to come, makes me dread going there.Henceforth, I applied for UM ... and I have to say , getting it is one of the best gift from heavens.

I learned so much in this one month. In fact, I think I learned more in this one month than my entire 10 years or more of formal education or more in Penang. Not that I would ridicule my beloved home or anything, but it is in my humble opinion that if you chose to stay where you are ,at this rate , you won't be going anywhere. And it is in my best interest that if I were to step out from my comfort zone , I would be able to discover more and learn more practical things which I can't learn in textbooks.

In this one month, I met alot of people from all walks of life. Friends from as far as Sarawak ,Sabah , and even a foreigner from China. All from different race, colour , creeds or even country, congregating in UM with a single goal in mind, education . I wouldn't dare say that all these people from all walks of life would be able to come together as one, living together unitedly and harmoniously . There are obvious social stigmas that divides the groups according to their races, for example, chinese , malay and india being the most influential ethnic groups there. But then again, apart from this usual scenario , there are a few people that truly advocates 1Malaysia concept and truly portrays this in their daily actions . And these people, are a very friendly bunch that mixes with everyone.

And then of course there are some bad apples even among us Chineses , people who are socially inept or should I say awkward ? Eventhough on the surface, everyone seems to live together harmoniously and peacefully , but as with everywhere else, the behind the scenes reveals that there are hidden conflicts everywhere. Here, I learned to mix around with everyone , albeit to a certain limit. I am not sure how my friendship here will progress but I am pretty sure it won't be as it is back in secondary school . Everyone virtually knows each other here, or should I say recognize each other? But there are cliques everywhere , and I am having difficulty finding the perfect clique for me.

For example , there are cliques that hang out with me when I go gym , cliques whom are my coursemates when I study , cliques that plays badminton .. and much more. It's like for every activity, there are different sort of people you will need to mix with. Of course, being able to mix with everyone is a good and advantageous thing , but still I still feel a void deep within my heart, my inner voice calling out to me to fill it, to find the clique whom I truly fits in , the place where I would be most at ease and shout out " This is where I belong" whenever I am with them. I have yet to come across that special clique yet, but hopefully I would be able to find them soon :).

On a side note, coming here made me realize that relationships shouldn't be rushed. It would be futile if you fall for every infatuation that strikes you. As one of my favourite quote goes " If you don't stand for something, you would fall for anything " . So, yeah... I have decided not to go after anyone in this few years to come unless I really did have a very strong feeling for her. It saddens me whenever something triggers the memories of my past relationships , past failed relationships, should I add. Then again, is it really that important? Can one live without love? Obviously the answer is not. But love can not only be derived from couples alone, there are alternative ways to obtain love.. and being desperate and pathetically seeking out someone certainly isn't the right way. So, let it be. If she belongs to me, no matter where she go , she will still come back to me :) If it's not, then let it go .

I digressed. Now, the bus journey back home from KL to Penang would take a minimum of 5 hours and would drop a bombshell of rm 70 per trip *back and forth* on my wallet. I used to complain a lot on this matter, especially the long, mundane trip that wastes 5 hours . But today, I did not feel bored at all. In fact, I felt a sense of peace, solace even, in my heart when I board the bus. Guess it's the feeling of anticipation ? The feeling of relief that I have finally come back home, to my beloved abode . The place where I truly belong?

I wonder. There are times where I felt better staying in KL too. Truth to be told . I didn't really miss my family members that much. What I truly missed are the conveniences of home. The material possessions and sense of privacy that I owned back at home. Through this journey , I discovered that though I may look to be very outgoing , vocal and even hyperactive at times , I do enjoy the solace and precious moments when I am alone. It allows me to reflect on my surroundings and focus my thoughts on what really matters. It allows me to hear my inner voice more clearly , and to answer them.. That is of the most importance I guess.. Everything else is secondary.

It is ironic how busy I am during the weekdays in KL but so bored and dull in the weekends. And though everyday seems to be a blur and the hustles and bustles during the weekdays took a heavy toll on my body , I am still actively participating in club and hostel activities.Guess that's my way of stopping my mind to be thinking too much ? Making myself busy and forget about everything else.

Despite all that, I find tremendous solace and relief in blogging and conveying my thoughts perfectly during my "ownself" moments like this. Arghh I am finding myself harder and harder to be understood. Perhaps a little more soul-searching is needed.

And with this, I end my pointless rant here. Now, I shall retreat to my tempting bed and let everything go. 2 more days to enjoy in my sweet home before going back to the warfield :). It's time to escape reality and move on to the Dream World :) . Good nite world.

UM

Ahh.. has it really been 3 weeks already? Gosh, time do fly when one is having fun. It has been a very exciting 3 weeks indeed , with I having the best ride on the most fluctuating emotional roller coaster ever.

These 3 weeks have been filled with so many emotions starting with anger, pain , despair , to joy, mirth , happiness, and undoubtedly, excitement. It was unbelievable how chaotic it was when it started , and how it slowly morphed into a beautifully painted picture now , albeit still an incomplete one .

After 3 weeks of observation and analysis, I think it is safe to assume that I will be having a very wonderful journey ahead , filled with much joy, happy surprises and much more positive emotions. I am so glad I chose UM. And to be given a chance to be a part of this harmonious "family" , I have to say, I am indeed very lucky and blessed. Thanks a lot to the higher authorities in this universe :).

The best thing about this uni, and in particularly my hostel, which is KK 7 , is that we are all like a family here, and I do believe we have the best CC (chinese community club ) ever ! The seniors here are so friendly and sociable , and the fact that they are really sincere in offering their help just make it all the better. Then , there's the first years ... they weren't that scary or unfriendly people that I had anticipated.. though there are a few bad apples among them , most of them are fine and it turned out to be a good thing , as then we ( the good apples ) get to discuss and gossip about the bad apples ! XD

Though all of them came from different backgrounds and from all walks of life, yet ,like a melting pot, they still manage to live together peacefully and harmoniously. And to be able to be a part of them , just knowing this gives me boundless feeling of gratitude and appreciation towards what I have.

But then again, like everything else, there's always two side to a coin . And hence, there are some cons in UM , one of them being the fact that most of the people here are from matriks and chinese-ed ,hence their proficiency in English Language aren't that good. While I confess that I myself am not proficient in it and there are indeed some of the people here that speak really good English , I am making a general statement here ,citing the fact that most of them speaks mandarin mainly and could only manage a few words in broken english, The very fact that even some of the lecturers and people who holds authority in higher positions do that truly surprises me .

Having immersed in this local environment , I was forced to speak mandarin almost everyday here , resulting in deterioration of my English proficiency. Though , this is not necessarily a bad thing as I am improving my command of Mandarin.

Secondly , coming here made me realise that I am deprived of alot of things. Those things that I normally take for granted at home, for example , endless supply of food/snacks, clothes that are magically cleaned , and even my daily supply of newspaper .They are all not easily available here.Coming here truly opens my eye. The need to compromise and practice tolerance with others are highlighted even more here as I am sharing room with 2 other people.Though, I believe this experience will make me be more independent and a lot tougher in the future.As the saying goes, whatever doesn't kill ,simply makes you stronger right? :)

Now.. there are still a few things that I would like to review here.. but however, I am having a writer's block right now and can hardly think of anything , so I will just be ending my short rant about UM here. Whatever it is, one thing's for sure, I am very glad I chose UM , the experiences here are very enriching , and the atmosphere here... superb! There will definitely be alot more interesting and fascinating experience to be shared in the near future.. so, do look forward for it ! :)

Start of the uni life

Ah.. finally.. I am here at long last. I have finally reached University of Malaya, Malaysia’s most prestigious and premiere university , the university which was ranked 167^th in the QS world ranking just recently , a fact which I was forced to hear repeatedly over a course of 1 week.

*****

On the day of arrival , I was down with the eye disease, again. Yes, it was the same eye disease that has haunted me from the past ,the Recurrent Cornea Erosion . They say, if one is infected repeatedly by the same disease over and over again , one would acquire sufficient knowledge about that particular disease that rivals or even exceed that of the medical specialist regarding that disease. How true it is ! After falling victim to this sickness for so many times, I have already acquired enough knowledge about it to even write a book pertaining it. The symptoms , the adverse impacts it had, the medicines required to treat it. I knew it all.

As such , I knew that it would take at least 3 days to allow partial recovery of vision , 4 days to subside the pain , and 5 days to recuperate completely. It was only the second day , and I had to enter K.L in that condition , with my left eye being partially blind , with scorching pain coming up the moment I tried to open It , due to the skin abrasion and laceration of my lower lid that covers my cornea. Either way , it was because of that , I looked like a totally retarded person who have to close my left eye and relying heavily on others for the entire journey to K.L.

Luckily, with the help of my kind friend and my beloved mother, I made it to University of Malaya at last on the 4^th of September 2011. Still awed and amazed by how technologically advanced and progressive K.L is compared to Penang,I expect UM to provide an equal amount of surprise and shock as well. And I am glad it did. Being the most premier university in Malaysia, it lives up to its reputation by introducing a very systematic way of categorizing and organizing students. The orientation week was superb, and it does live up to its status of the oldest university of Malaysia with its culture and traditions shown during the orientation week.

I have to say UM’s orientation week is indeed very unique and I dare say it’s one of the kind orientation that can only be found in UM . Let me try to convey what I had experienced earlier in the past week. Though mere words alone cannot do justice to it , but bear with me and lend me your eyes as we journey through this special chapter of my life.

****

First of all , our hostels are known as Residential Colleges ( RC ) and there’s a grand total of 12 RC’s in UM, each having their own cultures and traditions. These RC’s are diverse and unique in the sense that all of them are built in different time period and every facilities in them are different . For example, the latest RC being built is RC 12 , which boasts a modern infrastructures and even an elevator to ease the mobility of the residents in this 12-floor architectural wonder.Then, there’s RC 2 which was situated at the hillside and RC 1 that were meant to house medical and law students only . RC 1 is the first RC to be built , being the oldest and thus having the ancient architectural look of the olden days . Most of the RC’s are in good condition still.

I have the privilege to stay at RC 7 or otherwise known as College Tunku Za’ba. Oh yeah, a point worth mentioning, every RC is named after a certain influential figure in history , e.g RC 3’s alternative name is College Tunku Kurshiah, and so forth. Now,what’s so special about this RC system is that in the orientation week. Each RC is pitted against each other as there will be a lot of inter-college competitions that would span activities such as cheering * which is compulsory for all students to participate in * , sports such as badminton, sepak takraw, netball ,and artistic competitions such as English Songs singing competition , nasyid , sketches and debates * I had the honour to participate in the British style parliamentary English debate , which I find to be a really fulfilling and enjoyable experience. * . So , the competition was fierce, especially when it comes to cheering competition.

Apparently , my college was known to have secured the trophy , the champion trophy for the cheering competitions for 5 years already , so now it was my batch’s turn to guard our college’s reputation and live up to the standard. The orientation week was very tough as in the first few days of orientation , we barely get more than 4 hours of sleep . We were forced to practice the cheers of our college * every RC have their own distinctive and unique cheers * every single day .. and mind you , there are like 5 or 6 different type of cheers . Even after that sleep deprivation , we were treated very badly by the Pembantu Mahasiswas (PM as we would refer to them, they are the facilitators of the orientation week and essentially our senior and the people in charge of us the whole week. Again, every RC have their own PMs . There are 28 PMs in my college ) They were strict, very strict , sometimes to the point where it would be too much for us to handle. Everytime one of the students were late for a particular activity or meeting, the entire residents ( i.e us, the freshies ) will get punished. According to them , it’s to cultivate the spirit of unity. And there were loads of other punishments and actions in which you get virtually get trampled by them and just have to suck up to them. Every single day we would sleep at around 1 , get up around 5 to do exercise , then proceed on to hear long,winding speeches , and then get back to practice cheers. Such were the misery we were subjected to.

Either way , these entire hellish activities continued for 6 days.. until one more day before the entire thing will end. On the last night before the last day, there was something special. The PMs who have been treating us badly turned worst. They were practically fuming at us , no matter what we did. Every single mistake, no matter how tiny or miniscule they were , none of them escapes their eye, and we were scolded and punished like we just did something unforgivable to them . And at the night , at around 12 midnight , we were assembled to watch a big “drama” . All the PMs took turn to scold us , to nag at us, to make us feel like we are the most worthless, useless creatures in the earth ,saying that they already dedicated 4 months of their time prior to this orientation to welcome us, how they sacrificed their time and effort to prepare the best activities for us, how they spent countless sleepless night to anticipate us.. and all their efforts being wasted because we did not commit ourselves fully and to do the cheer.After ranting it off in a fashion similar to how a heartbroken girlfriend would after breaking up, the PMs stormed off into an enclosed room , with their final words being “ I don’t care about you all anymore, do anything you want ! “ and we were left alone… or so we thought. At that exact time, suddenly a senior of our senior suddenly came to the rescue . Dubbing themselves as “super seniors” they questioned us, asking what on earth did we do to make their juniors *i.e our PMs* so heartbroken and angry ? Of course, all of it was just an act. . I know this might sound superficial in words but trust me, if you are there, you would certainly feel the heat too Their acting was very exaggerated and the entire drama would make you feel like you are in a real life , tv scene where we were in the climax of the show and this is the suspenseful part.

Though their scripts were corny and their actings were , at best, mediocre , there are still some that fell for it. There are some , females especially that really was hit by a pang of guilt , and were really convinced that they disappointed their beloved PMs and cried their hearts out. Of course , only a handful of them realized it was a tradtion of the orientation that has been passed down by generations , but that’s beside the point.

I digressed. Anyway, after that incident ended, we were forced to retire to our beds, with most of the students still feeling unease over the entire ruckus . In the end , we slept… for 2 hours , because at the unearthly time of 4 am , we were being awoken by the PMs . The supposedly , emotionally depressed and disappointed PMs, knocked on our doors with enthusiasm of a child getting their first toy . So, we woke up.. and get punished again. And of course.. to do cheers .

But this time it was different , most of the students that had fall prey to the little “sketch “ that those PMs put up the night earlier was burning with enthusiasm , with a newfound spirit to impress their PMs and to gain forgiveness from them , they did the cheer enthusiastically and fiercely.

Finally, the main event arrived . The final cheer showdown at the Dewan Tunku Chancellor . Everyone was tense a few minutes before it began. Fears of losing starts to elude them . But they did not worry,for as soon as the competition started , we literally clinched the title. The atmosphere was electrifying . The whole affair lasted for over an hour . Some were tired, exhausted, and some had lost their voice due to cheering too loud , yet we continued cheering and still raring to go for another round, all but for a reason . A silly reason . Because everyone else was doing the same thing ;).

The event that night truly highlights the spirit of unity and pluralism. As the motto of our RC , “Kita Bersatu” ( United we stand ) implies, we truly live up to it. That night, we were truly united , disregarding the fact that we come from different race ,creed or colour. That amazing feeling that night , those powerful emotions.. I dare say none of us that night would trade it for anything else in the world . That’s how awesome that night was J In the end, we were declared the winner of the cheer competition. As one of our PM mentioned earlier , true to his words , the instant we received that news, our hearts sprang to joy , all the fatigues and pain we felt in the past few days disintegrated instantly , instead filling the void with immense feeling of victory .

One Day

Ah.. it's amazing how time passes so fast . In a blink of an eye, 9 months has passed by and now I am one day away from leaving my beloved home sweet home, Penang to the metropolitan , urban city , K.L. And it must happen to be that on this particular big day, that I would be stricken sick with my eye disease , the cornea erosion , And so , here I am , having the need to rest my eye and can do nothing at all on my last day in Penang . But then again, I couldn't contain the urge to blog this story out , inspired by Wongfu production's video , When Five Fell. It's amazing how the intricately designed story and meaningful messages ,coupled with some creativity would merge together so well , producing such a splendid video. After watching that, I decided to flex my writing skills abit by writing an original romance story which you can check out at the post below :P. There's not much time left to say anything .. I am still very anxious and nervous about my journey in the next day and my eye disease , but there's nothing much I can do except pray and hope for the best. So, here I am blogging my last post before leaving for K.L.

May I be able to attain happiness, joy and love there and may the same blessing reach out to my fellow friends who will be leaving soon too. All the best to all of you and thanks for being the great friend you are . Good Luck ! .

Him & Her

She was like the small sunshine that brightens his day. With medium-long,beautiful , jet black hair, pearl white complexion , and a dazzling smile , she was like the angel that made a wrong turn to earth. A perfect heaven-sent gift from God.But it wasn't always like that ....

*****

The first time they met , it wasn't quite a love at the first sight.Rainee has a friendly face, not drop dead gorgeous ,not a head turner that would grab every guy's attention and make them lust for her ,no not that type. Hers was more to a classic, timeless beauty . A beautiful , friendly , demure-looking girl with a dazzling smile. That was his first impression of her. Alex, on the other hand , was just your Average Joe, heck , he wasn't even fit to be average , you could say he was slightly below average with his scrawny body , pale complexion filled with tons of zits ready to explode at any time and a short stature he was nothing a girl would want in an ideal guy, much less desire.Nevertheless , both Alex and Rainee had this inexplicable good vibes for each other.

The second time they met. they were much more chatty . Having recognized each other, both tried to inquire more about each other and conversation started flowing.Words fell out from their mouth naturally and conversations flowed smoothly. It turns out Rainee was a shy introvert , the usually quiet and reserved girl that keep things to herself. Alex was the complete opposite , a sunshine boy , the outspoken extrovert that wouldn't hesitate to voice out whenever it was possible.Despite the obvious oxymoron , the juxtaposition of both Rainee and Alex turns out to be surprisingly well. Before they knew it , they couldn't stop talking .They chatted in every medium possible , from msn , to sms and to real life , they talked about every topic possible under the sun , from the common girl-guy relationship topic , to games and some personal secrets that they both shared, nothing escapes their discussion.Though, most of the time, the main topic that fuels their discussion is music , their only common topic. Despite having different sets of personalities and character, both enjoyed their conversation immensely.

Needless to say ,this cycle repeats itself everytime they meet , and soon enough , without realizing it , their friendship grew and they went from complete strangers to best friends. At the mere age of 15 . both of them have yet to experience love and have no idea what is that magical and most powerful emotion that resides within human heart is .However,it is said that girls reach puberty and mature faster than guys. Slowy but surely , Rainee began to feel something , she began harbouring feelings towards Alex . It was more of an infatuation than love but it was strong feeling nevertheless.Yet ,Alex, being the young , immature and naive boy he was at that time, have no idea why she acted differently at that point. Rainee tried to gave subtle hints and treat him differently in hope that he would reciprocate her feelings , but to no avails. Alex was completely oblivious to that effort and acted the same way he always did, to treat her as only a friend.It wasn't until much later on that he would discover he have the same mutual feelings towards her as well.

*****

Several months have passed since then.Rainee's eventually grew out of her infatuation and started to move on , with Alex still being as ignorant as ever. They stayed as good friend though.This goes on until the end of their secondary education. It was big holiday after their final examination and a mutual friend decided to organize a party to celebrate the end of schooling days.

18 May 2008 , it was a day Alex would not forget.On that particular day , the party was successfully held. Successful , because a lot of people did attend it. Among those people , Rainee was one of the few female friends invited . Needless to say, she stood out , being the prettiest among them all. To the people there, she was the epitome of beauty , an idol admired by girls and chased after by guys.. Alex was well aware of her popularity .But,neither one of them would be able to predict what will happen next.

One of the activities held there was a truth or dare session .At that particular session , a guy was challenged to confess to whichever girl he wanted to in front of everyone. We were sitting in a circle back then and the poor guy that was selected to be inside the circle was dared to do confess.Surprisingly , he did confess, and what's even more surprisingly , it's to Rainee ! She was shocked and flabbergasted , no one was expecting that at all. Finally, she had to reject it politely . The guy persisted but gave up at last , not before being wounded emotionally . Though , I could see it in her eyes that Rainee was equally hurt and dejected as well. Rainee was a kind-hearted girl , and she was the type of girl that would felt bad if her actions hurt someone directly or indirectly. Though it wasn't her fault , knowing her actions had tremendous consequences on the guy's heart , she fell into depression.

But still ,as to not ruin the party's atmosphere ,she put on a brave front and faked a smile, saying that she's okay . Everyone else was tricked , but not Alex. He knew something was amiss, he knew that she would be hurt ,and he grew concerned knowing that,albeit the party was ongoing and he couldn't find a space to talk and console her. Luckily , Alex was smart enough to conceive an ingenious idea. Since they are seating next to each other , Alex typed a message on his phone and pass the message to her , on the pretext that he wanted to show her something. Rainee saw it and replied it the same way by writing it on his phone and passing it back. And soon, they were both engrossed in their own personal world that only the two of them shared... It was only for a short time , but that ephemeral moment of secret where only the two of them share will always be embedded in Alex's mind.

At the end of the party , Rainee was back to her cheerful self , with just a tiny bit feeling of guilt left.

*****

A few days after the party , Alex felt a flicker of flame igniting from deep inside his heart. The flicker grew stronger and eventually persisted into flame that could no longer be stopped. Alex started missing Rainee, her mesmerizing voice , her dazzling smile, everything about her. It was the first time Alex has come across such powerful emotion . Slowly but surely , the emotions grew strong enough until his heart couldn't contain it . Not knowing what to do , finally Alex conceded defeat and gave in to his emotions. He started talking to her longer than necessary , finding excuses to meet her and treat her differently . He totally fell head over heels for her.

As the famous quote goes, " people normally take things for granted , only when they lost the precious things that once had , do they learn to appreciate it " This expression certainly fits in this situation. Rainee's infatuation to him was long over , and as of now ,she treats him as nothing more than friend, rendering whatever methods Alex used to chase her , totally pointless and useless.After some period of time, finally Alex discovers that his efforts are fruitless.

Not wanting to risk losing their friendship , Alex gave up and slowly things began to fall apart.Rainee and Alex were talking less and less. The conversation that used to be endless and daily diminishes into lesser than once a month , and nil at last. Both Alex and Rainee moved on and hardly talks to each other anymore..


*******
A few years have passed since then , before they finally meet again. Much to his surprise, Alex's feelings towards Rainee is still intact . They started talking again, though less frequently , with Alex initiating the conversation most of the time. Once more , Alex's dousing fire was reignited agian and he tried his best to reach out to her and show her that he cares. Yet , Rainee is oblivious and acted nonchalantly. Ignorance is bliss they say . Before long , it is time of separation again, Alex is leaving for the States .Ironically , Rainee is heading to the same place. So near,yet so far. Both of them will be going to the same destination , yet the distance between their heart still remains the same.Finally , Alex came to a conclusion that , what is to be, will be . What is fated to be his will be , what isn't , will never be. Hence , he decided to leave it to fate ,wondering how the red thread of fate will connect them in the future , or leave them wandering ... but even so. one thing's for sure. He will constantly pray and hope for the best for Rainee , as love , is essentially about wanting the best for the other half isn't it? :) .

‎"I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places,always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time,and I'll be thankful for that,and hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too." -quote from Stranger's Again ,by wong fu production . :)

Edit : sorry for the half-hearted ending ,I published this story in a rush , when I was down with eye disease. I vow to edit this story and add more details someday in the future ;) Any person or story linked to this story is purely coincidental .