Green in life.

It has been a while since i last blogged eh?o well, i have much things to be said in life but yet i just couldn't bear to say it out loud here.All those things... they just have to stuck in my mind.What can i say ? It is just me . O well since i started it now, i should continue to blog for what i have left out in this past weeks....

First of all, this year have been quite a disastrous year for me.NOt only that i keep on procrastinating things that i was supposed to do LAST year, yet i neglected my duties to study at the same time also =.=.What i have been doing then ? Well,ever since i had my bad lucks, i just kept on daydreaming everyday .. on9 , chat , and then sleep..For me ,school is just a nuisance.Everyday i went to school, i just hope that it would end right there and then.Yet i continue to think...Every night, i would just think... Until now, i would say that i would have mastered the theories of life~~ Studying hard, earning money, obeying instructions.All these are viable but implausible.Getting the theories are ez but working them out practically ?Nothing but mere illusions... Sometime , i thought i already worked them out but after all , it turns out i am just being a fool.It is just me being played by the delusions of my heart.

Once again ,i have fallen under my knees.. unable to do anything ,that feeling is just unbearable.How i wish i can go to a space where only i and nothing else is there.... passing time and space ... the dimension where i can seclude myself.After all,my zeals and efforts just doesn't work.I lack of will power.Moving on, this year is spm year.next monday is my school UP1 exam.It ain't much but i will still study for it ... or at least that's what i think i will do..

Journey to the past.

The temperature is constantly changing....the weather is always changing....even the time is always changing....Why ...Why change is the only constant ?? Why can't we make time the constant?It is just me to keep on pondering on this insignificant things.I guess i am emo again?Still, i don't really comprehend what does "emo" truly means.As i am now, i just couldn't stop thinking.I am in an state,unexpressed by words....numb,nil,void of all emotions ..or is it ? This might be it.The definition of "emo". But i felt that something ... just something .. something is missing from the equation. yeah.. what is it o yeah.. It is like something from the past...Something from my past is back to haunt me. "outright extrovert , innate introvert " is what i would like to use to express my state now.But still... i felt like the past is calling me...My dark,old past.. Deep inside abyss of darkness,i could feel a light calling out for me.Is it a blessing ? or is it just a curse disguised by the illusions of my heart..... I dunno. I might be returning to my past self again.With this , i might be able to uncover a bit more of my mysterious past.The one that even i,myself knew nothing about....Without doubt , i am venturing into an enigma.I guess i am returning .. to my old self? or will it be me with renewed confidence and self esteem?only time shall decide.If there are two things that i want now,I would say it is everlasting time and emotions...................

17/2/08~

Emo? hehe wat a simple word...Yet it would be able to inflict so much changes upon somebody.... If fate forbids me from changing my destiny , i shall use my own hands to carve out my road to success.Time shall proves my triumph.

Trust and Independence

Trust.... Is it the right thing to do ?To trust others or to rely on yourself..Until now it is still a mystery.To me , after countless of mishaps and unfortunate events happen due to trusting others ==, i decided tat rely on one's self is the way to go~..Why is that so ? Well,first of all, through logical deduction, you can easily deduce that,by entrusting other people with YOUR own job,they will not be able to have the passion to work on it as much as you do.Why so ? Coz it is YOUR OWN JOB and not theirs ! why do u think they would be bothered to do your work?That means that there are high chances and risks that the thing u entrusted to others might fail if u trust others.Even if they did not do it,the fault and blames will still be on YOU and not them.With this thinking , one can reach the conclusion that it is a lot safer if you rely on yourself rather than trusting others. Due to the endless fatigue i am having now,i shall stop here ... TT i am currently having sien²..

sien²=(sien)(sien)
=(boring)(tired)
=Boring Fatigue.

I dunno what am i crapping also. k bye for now.

Heheh ,cool pic eh ?Got it from a friend lolx.The original picture was just a normal scenery picture,but my genius-in-art friend edited it into this. Cool huh ?XD it directly expresses the feeling of emo . Visit his blog here to see what "emo" is truly is ^^ (P.s i had minimized the picture to suit my blog's space.To see a better quality of this pic ,just click on it^^)

CJ7~! Xd

Today,i went to Gurney plaza and watch CJ7 with friends! Cj7 is indeed one of the BEST movies that i have watched in this year ^^If there are words to describe this fantastic movie, i would say it is a perfect blend of brilliant casts,terrific performances,state of the art visual effect and a great sense of humour. ^^ Here is a brief synopsis taken from it's official site.

"A fantasy tale featuring state of the art visual effects, CJ7 is a comedy about a poor laborer father played by STEPHEN CHOW and his young son. When a fascinating and strange new pet enters their lives, they learn a poignant lesson about the true nature of family and the things money can’t buy.

(Source: Sony Pictures Releasing International)"

Chinese New year 1st day ~..

O well what is there to do on the first day, in my opinion chinese new year is boring =.=" ... it is boring indeed ...especially when u get to go to relatives house and meet all the cousins which u CAN'T TALK with .... =.=" or more specifically hate them.. As one of my friend quote " Every family got their own dark secret" O well so do i, but i was rather disgusted by my relatives. I will not stress much on the details, Just that i would like to state the point that I can't really get along with my cousins and relatives.Haiz... Sigh when will this change? T.T This year is SPM year, How i wish i could score 11A1s and go to other country as soon as possible... Ah well... all this doesn't matter anymore.This year is gonna be the absolute year for me.I need to give it my best shot.I need to make my resolution to be viable and tangible! Ah well ,when can i escape this fated destiny of mine and find a better path ? I dunno but what's for sure is that i will definitely find it ... some day..... some day... Some day i will attain wealth,health,love,peace and joy~ i will!!!! Gambateh!!!!!!XP

Happy Chinese New Year~ XD

Harlow guys and girls ^^ Here on this meritorious day , i wish you all a prosperous and joyous Chinese New Year~ Happy Chinese New Year all ^^With this, hope this year will be filled with good lucks and everyone will be blessed with fame and fortunes. XD Hope the bonds between me and my friends will stay and get closer by time ^^ And also hope wealth,health,love and peace will be with all of us in this year ^^ Last but not least , HAPPY CNY TO ALL OF u AGAIN ^^ May all be blessed with longevity and prosperity!

Tragic bus accidents....

I am sure most of you would know about this , but just in case for those who doesn't know . Here is another sad news about our country..Another bus crash accident happened ..... And this time, the life of three innocent people were robbed.....This isn't the first time it happened.For those who ride buses home everyday ( like me. T.T), fear might struck in your heart upon hearing this news.This is common in MALAYSIA. Come on people, we need to express our appalled anger towards the incident or else they will always ignore it and history shall repeat itself... We don't want that to happen right?( i dunno about you but i definitely hope not !) As such,here i would like to plead those to pass this message around:

Chung Lern and Nian Ning’s families would like all families and friends of the victims, dead or alive, in the Slim River Bus Crash to come forward and join them in taking action against the bus company. Stand up to seek justice for these three innocent individuals, who were all so young and full of life.

If you have a blog, please call out to ANYONE who

knows someone who survived or did not survive

the crash to come forward to join the Lee family.

Make a huge difference, make a huge fuss.

For now, you may contact Lee Chung Lern at chunglern@gmail.com or preferably on his handphone at 012-6670368.

A petition will always come into good use in times like these. We’ve yet to grasp the objectives of the petition but of course it would be forwarded to the bus company, the ministry of transport(nevermind, we can still try our luck) and being a tad bit ambitious, the prime minister.

We don’t want to disturb Chung Lern and Nian Ning’s family yet, but we’re trying to understand what are our objectives if a petition should be made. Please give us your suggestions and watch this space.

Your help are greatly appreciated =D~Let's hope with this, this "so-called-accidents" will never happen again ^^

Conflicts~

Conflicts in adult world are often much more serious and severe than our conflict at teen's age.However, in adult's world,one false word and thats it , it might severe whatever bonds u have forever! I just can't comprehend the world of adults.They like to lecture us ,teens so much, yet when they start bickering,they would Continuously start scolding bad words non-stop.Like a monkey in the middle of the road.I don't want to mention it but my mother too is this type of person.Well actually,as a matter of fact, who isn't?Except for some rare cases where someone is either extremely soft /sensible of too afraid to stand up on our own.Of course , unless u are a buddha or god, naturally everyone will be mad and start scolding like hell when it comes to a point where u no longer can hold your anger.IF so, then do they ,adults truly worthy of teaching and lecturing us NOT to argue and to hold back when other people scold u? I do not know .... but just a moment ago, a conflict happened between some of my family members.I will not stress on the details but lets just say it was very intense.I couldn't stand the ways of them talking. I mean what the heck ler, they are ADULTS! Weren't they suppose to be the "sensible" and be our "mentor"? Plain bullshit!IN my eyes, they are mere childrens...

On the other notes, when they start to argue, i truly am scared.I was trembling to be precise... I was scared... scared that i would lose someone.I scared that i might lose everything ....With that thought arises, i truly wish i have the power to stop the fight!.Wouldn't it be nice if i could possess an immense power equal to that of heaven's rage? Ah.. i must have read saiyuki (a manga) too much =.=" either way , if it cant be true in reality , then y can't someone make it a reality in the world of fantasies?Literally , i wish someone would make a movie SO realistic that it is almost as if someone would really possess such powers. ... OK enough ramblings,anymore of this , i think i will be going crazy =.=( already in a chaotic state anyway)

Trust and Betrayals~

Trust.... It is indeed a very important word...When someone entrusts something to you,that means he TRUSTED you.Whether it is a big or small secret,a trust is a trust.Trust is the foundation of friendship and bonds.This is where the bonds started.Betrayal,to me might be considered the worse crime ever.This sins is the worse especially if someone ever betrays his/her friends.Recently,i seems to came across a lot of tragedies involving trust and betrayal.Now, i wish to point this out LOUD AND Clear.


**WARNING** i will be using some harsh language here,those who have a weak heart or u consider it to be rude,pls do refrain from seeing it.I would like to point out tat i use harsh language only on two occasions . 1) when i am seriously pissed off or 2)when i really wish to emphasize on some particular thing.
** Scroll down if and only if u Don't mind seing some harsh language**

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I FUCKINGLY NEVER BETRAY ANYONE'S SECRET AND NEVER WILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am serious in friendship and thats for sure.If i did something wrong to my friends,i will apologize. And if anyone tries to destroy my friendship, i will FUCKINGLY hate tat person FOREVER!!! IF anyone who betrays me too .. especially my own friends,then FUCK OFF! u ain't my fren anymore.

Paintball!

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~ RM 37 wasted for paintball T.T T.T T.T Shouldn't go there ler TT.Well it is completely contrasting with what i had expected earlier.Here were my predictions earlier :
1) I expected the gun should be small in size and easy to carry around ( so tat i can swing it around and shoot like the matrix style xP) But it turns out to be a shot-gun like with a power of a revolver.It ain't that heavy but it ain't light either.So,in the end i have to carry tat thing around and run like an idiot
2) I expected to meet a lot of new friends there and have fun.BUT it turns out to be no fren at all =.="
3) I EXPECTED it to be fun,fast but not furious.And guess what yup.. u guess it right again, it turns out to be long waiting time (thanks to some students from college =.=" aha but they got scolded XD ) , fun ? ah well... i guess it is OK gua.. and not furious?What the heck ler, they are so furious and aggresive.. that every shot they make seems to be able to take ur life.SOme of my fren even bleed and one of the college guy got shot on his pelvis nearly hitting his backbone..

So,guys,what do we learn from here?Paintball is HAZARDOUS.SAY no to it.Say yes IF AND ONLY IF it is fast(no waiting time), with ppl u know ( and can talk wan).AND if it is not costly (best if it is free XP) ... if there is another paintball,i shall scan the surroundings and situation first be4 i go! I learnt my lesson! Until next time,cya! XD

Empty Mind~

Why must i think so much ? Is it i am the only one who thinks too much ?Or does others way of thinking are way too simple? I do not know .. Nor do i wanna know.All that i wanna know is just the truth.Only the truth that matters...Now that i am in the state of confusion, Depression,Sadness,Grief,Sorrow,and Joyfulness...All this doesn't matter any more.With the will i currently possess,i shall let time to engulf all my feelings...Let the eternally-flowing time to carry my feelings away with it~~~.All i could do now is just to stare at it blankly while time wash away all my sins.....

2 more weeks..

As the title suggests.... two more weeks till the day my destiny is about to change.I can't wait for it.Day by day,my life is getting worse,I can't stand it anymore.Being in school just sux.Please if there is a chance to survive,it shall be on the next two week..So please .... Let the wheel of fate start rolling and let me end up getting a gud one.

The title of my life~

If I wasn't able to succeed because I had plunged myself into an infinite realm of grief and sorrow,I shall put myself together and traverse through the serene sky of hope..And with the serenity i had gained, I shall descend upon the land of joy,gaining eternal courage and confidence.With this, i shall spread my wings and reach a greater height.

A quote that suddenly come across my mind . XD Somehow,I felt that it gives me great motivation for my life.If i am destined to have bad lucks, i shall counter it with joy and confidence ^^ (P.s My grammar is very bad,so if anyone found mistakes on my posts,pls do not hesitate to comment on it,Thanks in advance ^^)

Time flies~ XD

Ah...~ how fast time flies? Very fast eh indeed..From the moment i start blogging..till now , it is already a year or so~ XP Thinking back, the reason i start blogging last time was merely to cure my boredom and depression =.= Since then, i only thought of blogging as just a mere way to past ur time if there is nothing to do. However,that is wrong! Now,blog has became a medium for me to channel and express my mindless thoughts..A place where i can quietly "gossip" about others ... ehhehe and also of course the most important function of all ... TO THROW TANTRUMS!!! XP.Overall,now this blog contains all my thoughts and opinion about others ^^ But this blog couldn't exactly expresses all my thoughts either.Some "confidential" thoughts Have to stay in my mind....

Either way blogging is fun XD to those who actually read my blogs and commented my posts ,Sincere Thanks to u all ^^ Arigatou Gozaimasu !! ^^ Pls continue to support me! VOTE me lolx Anyhow,for those who blog for fun and just think of it as a way to pass ur time... I believe sooner or later, u will be blogging constantly ^^ (e.g WS ?xD hehe if u are reading this , then i would like to tell u this "continue blogging and u will be the next kennysia " ^^ )So,until next post,see u all again XP

How deep is pain ?

Well,what is there to be blog again ? O yeah my uber-bad luck!Let's see what happen to my screwed-up life.Ah.. well just plain bad luck...Education shits, Kokurikulum shits, Ttn shits,and much more shits!AHHHHHHH when can my life take a turn on the road?Now then back to my own thoughts.Rationally thinking, actually it wasn't bad luck.It is just me ! It is just that i can't manage my time enough for all my activities and to succeed in them all.What to do ? Too bad ?Give up ? Nah ,i will stick with this quote : "No matter how hard my life is..No matter how deep i fell,no matter how dark it is....,i shall persevere....for i am a guy,to whom dreams are meant to be reality"

Ok,back to reality, enough mumblings =P. Now,thinking back,i am such a fool . A fool for not being able to do anything productive enough in past 4 years.A fool for being such a social retard.A Fool for not studying hard enough.A Fool for the entire year...Now,thinking it rationally, i believe, (from my point of view), i am an eccentric fool... Everyone can think.I knew that, but sometimes i just think too much.However, i usually reckons what i think is correct while other's thoughts are wrong.Although,i tend to cast my feelings aside, like a filled nut.just with a cracked shell...Sometimes, my emotions might leak out,but no one seems to notice it .Ah well who cares. i am just nobody =.="

I couldn't wait here and just pray a miracle could happen eh ? Well i truly hope that but ... miracles don't just drop from the sky eh ?I have to work for it if i wan to earn it!So here i go .. another crappy action of mine to "work hard" GG ! GAMBATEH ! JY!

Chess~

Wow,chess? lolx if it was me 1 year ago, i won't believe i would actually BLOG on this topic.O well,one year ago , i didn't even will think i can play chess or blog ^^.Now,doing things at eleventh hour,i am joining tournament..ha-ha.Those who knew me beforehand ... most likely you all would be wondering why i play chess,right? And those who are in chess club and some of my friends would most likely think i play chess for GIRLS , right ?=.=" If any of you who think i truly played chess because of girls , sorry , you are DEAD WRONG!!! Well, at first i started "toying" with chess with the intention of leaving it .. but all of a sudden, i like chess.Maybe it was because of the excitement it gives and the complexity of the game.That is when i know the REAL CHESS.It completely differs from my thoughts of chess that it was mere pointless,lame , boring old game...well thats was my first impression after all hehe. O and of course there are supporting factors,such as SOMEONE i wanna beat in chess.That guy really drill a hole in my heart when he said i am noob =.="

Honestly, i hate ppl looking down on me.And at that time i lose desperately to him,as such , i train my self and wish one day i would beat him.Well,technically i didn't hate him but instead now i would think of him as my benefactor.This is because if it weren't for him , i would never have realized the mesmerizing beauty of chess... Even now,i am still a newbie in chess =.=" But having heard all the things about it,e.g tactical play,opening repertoire,endgame,middle game,positional play... ALL these are so interesting!!!!!!! ^^ True enough to be said ,the complexity of chess is the key to it's beauty.

Apart from that,another factor that drives my passion for chess is ... my egoistic nature =.=" o well you might not believe it but i am very egoistic actually.If you read one of my previous post,you will know that i like to be praised..though i don't show it much ^^ My aim to join is to beat someone high on top and being acclaimed a genius XP. I truly wants it , Imagine how nice is it , Being praised genius,prodigy and having just played for a few months, defeated the top players . Ah.... how nice would it be eh ? lol Sadly, the reality is far too different from my imaginary dream TT . The fact is i sux at chess =.=" i am extremely noob and a total newbie in this game. In chess,one could easily distinguish the pros and the noobs just by a single glance at the game.And unfortunately,i am the noob ==.Comparing talent,experiences and efforts, they (top players) are in a completely different level.They are completely in their own league..Everytime i watch their game , i felt sad as i could just watch from far behind ....But one day ..by this year,i swear i shall defeat at least one of the top players.I know it is a little late ( ok it is very late) joining chess in form 4 but hey,age doesn't matter right ? as long as you have the heart! XD.I am gonna do it for sure . I am gonna SUCCESS!

New Year,New Resolution~

O well nothing much to blog about.Schooling day started again =.= Once again , i am back to this stupid school== Ah,got my class.. what a class.. of all classes ,i got 5 E??? o well not that surprising actually , considering how "well" i done on my last year end term examination =.=. OK that's it , I ain't gonna be fool for another year again especially this year, where the Terrifying SPM is here T.T awh y must it be here so fast ? Man, i am full of shits now. This is the year... no or more precisely this is the EXAMINATION year that will change my life forever... I consider SPM as a wall in between heaven and hell .One step blunder, and that's it u are in hell =D.

That's right folks,SPM could really change everything now.O well,for those who are fortunate enough and with enough financial support, SPM is NOTHING for they can always pay money to go college or even study abroad. However,for the less fortunate wan ..such as yours truly XD , well i guess SPM can be called the brink of death to me =.=.Man, all the pressures are putting up and yet i am still enjoying myself! hehe this year i need to "chiong" two things : chess and SPM . I wan join MSSPP!

I am gonna do it! ^^Here are my aims. Finish SPM >>> Get Straight A's >>> Get in Disted college >>> Take Bussiness /Software Programming/Multimedia Designs course >>>Get Master (at the very least ) >>> WORK ! XD ! O well at least that is my perfect guideline to a bright future but .. will everything turn out right? It won't be as easy as it seems.There are many obstacles and many things that might changes my course to perfect future.As what they said " What u view will change your Point of View" who knows i might end up becoming artist ? hehe well that is definitely one of the million possibilities ^^ life is after all ,unpredictable.

Now,apart from that , i still got something to worry about.Friendship! How will it change after spm ? Will we (me and friends) able to do the same thing again ? Will we be seperated?Will our bond last or will it break ? This is the most important year yet i still wish we could all have fun on our POSSIBLY last year in pfs.My sojourn in pfs has enabled me to meet many friends, i am particularly grateful about that.I truly hope this bond of friendship and my circle of friends lasted forever....

Ok,enough ramblings , until next time .Zen D Knight sign out! XP GAMBATEH!

Love ...or not?

O well,i can't comprehend it either but suddenly , i just got the urge to blog about what is running through my mind now.Hmm, now the question is , there is a gal i have been in contact for quite a while , and it seems we did tat almost every night.So,now here is the question,do i or do i not love her?So,after thorough thinking and a hell lot of analysis, i get into a conclusion , i don't love her.Let's not stress on the details,shall we?

On a completely different note, Love is really a incomprehensible thing eh ?It is weird for me,having not experienced love be4 to be blogging about it but even so, i just felt like wanting to pour all my feelings concerning this topic here.First and foremost , when i see some guys going around,ranting about how they love someone forever and ever and would be willing to do anything for their partners, while their partners,on the other hand,are completely ignorant of these so-called Boyfriends , i felt plain annoyed by their act .I think their partners would felt the same.I mean what is the point of completely clinging on something that cant be obtained? Pointless.

It is as if they are binded by a chain of love,blinded by their sights, and deaf by their hearing capability...All they could see was their partner.I wonder if love was a curse or blessing? All i know was they are deeply engulfed in it.Sometime, some of those guys would keep on asking me " How is she doing ?" ,"Did u chat with her just now?" and etc etc.These kind of questions annoy me to no end.Why can't they just go on and move along if they know they wont be accepted?And why of all person,would they choose me to ask the question?However,then i realized something , you can't stop someone from loving you.... and if they weren't done that,what else could they do ?Now,if i were in their position,i would probably do the same thing....With that , again i end up reaching this conclusion :Love is something incomprehensible by any means.....

Ah well,time to sleep.Enough of these incoherent musing.... 2day at 7 , i got a schooling session to attend to =.= and this might as well be the beginning of an end.... Man ! i hope i got a good class!