Looking Back

This post materialized thanks to the sudden motivation and outpouring of creative juice oozing out after I read some thought-provoking articles in The Star. The two articles I read about depicts the troubles of life. One of them is about how a young mother finding her roles being reversed as her parents fell sick and she had to take care of them instead of the usual . Another article talks about how people are getting more and more distant thanks to the emergence of new technologies like facebook ,twitter and etc. .. Here goes nothing :) .

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I have been bedridden these few days thanks to the severe eye infection that leads to conjunctivitis that subsequently results in abrasions in the skin near my eyes. This results in my left eye being swollen to the extent that I can't even go out or go near any devices that emits light because sunlight or any other light sources will only serve to aggravate the situation apparently. In fact, I am supposed to be recuperating in bed now as I type. Oh by the way , now is 12.20 am in the morning :) . Ah,motivations to blog comes at the strangest of times indeed..

Now, in recent days , in recent months , to be more specific , I have been striving for perfection. Not that I am confident that I will achieve it , but nevertheless I tried because, at the end of the day, at the very least I can proudly say I made effort right ? And by "striving for perfection" I mean trying to improve oneself by any means necessary. So, the most rudimentary aspects to work on would be the physical , emotional , and spiritual part ,

So, for the past few months , I have been working out *or tries to * on my body , reading more stuff and trying to learn and pick up whatever skills I can . In my mind, there are only two things that I are thinking of , that is "productive" and "non-productive". I view activities like reading books , working out , learning new things as productive stuff , while stuff like watching movies, going cc , rotting at home , playing as counter productive. Now, before any of you start hurling accusations and pointing out that I did all the counter productive activities too , I would like to say that indeed those activities are vital and important as they are means to socialize and to stay connected with friends and others , but too much of them are just redundant and may even diminish productivity .

Now I would be very frank now as I don't think many reads this blog and even fewer of my friends actually do read it. I am very judgmental person . And yes I do judge people by their looks first before dwelling further into their "contents" . I am a very vain person too , if that's the word you would choose to describe someone who cares about his appearance . I wasn't like that back in the past . I used to be someone who don't give a damn care about my own appearance. It is only in recent years that I discovered this important and necessary aspect of life.

I might possibly be hurled many criticisms and blames for these but then again, my conscience is clear and in my defense , I am just stating the actual cruel realities of the world. Anyone reading this, I dare you to look yourself in the mirror and ask , are you sure there are NO INSTANCES at all where you don't check out other people's physical appearance and start scrutinizing them and making random assumptions in your brains before getting to know them for real ?

The truth is , people DO judge other people by their cover , no matter how they try to deny it . In fact, I believe people who deny it are mere hypocrites. No matter what we say , the first thing that comes to mind when me meet a person is their first impression : i.e how they dress, how they present themselves and etc. That is what I meant by "covers" .Physical appearances can reveal a lot of thing about someone. For example, if someone comes to a business meeting with an unkempt hair and a casual look , naturally people will assume that person is either nuts or has a lack of care attitude for others.

We will always be judged by how we look and how we present ourselves. Moreover, the sad fact is that the better looking person will always end up getting better opportunities. I read an article about how better looking peoples are always preferred and more favored given that the other conditions and environments remains the same. Life is naturally unfair , some people just have that edge over the others . However , even if we can't decide how we are born , at the very least we can decide how can live life . We can always find ways to improve our features or at least make effort to.

After knowing that , I tried hard to change myself * still trying albeit getting a bit more lazy lately* knowing that it IS possible and changes can occur. I am about to engrave this pricinple in my head that whatever that generates positive changes are productive and whatever that don't, are merely redundant and counter productive. Therefore, I was kinda agitated when I see how some of the people I know are spending time doing nonsensical stuff like playing the whole day , going out everyday .. and other "counter productive" stuff. Although it's not my right to barge into their life and take control , I can't help but think ... "what are they really doing with their life? What will they gain from doing those stuffs?" They are practically wasting their life away.

The more I think , the more I am confused. And then .. it came. The wake-up call and the answer to this question.As mentioned afore , I was reading the articles from The Stars and one of them talks about how an onslaught of problems came suddenly . And then it hit me. In life , we will never know about the future. It is totally unpredictable and we can never be totally prepared for them . So, what we can do is just to enjoy the present moments and hope for a better tomorrow.

So, maybe those people who are hanging out everyday are enjoying their life ? Maybe they are happy staying the way they are? Who knows ? This brings me to another point . As we grow older, our circle of friends grew wider . More so in this age of modern technology era with the emergence of facebook and such , we have more "friends" than we would have possibly made in past decade .Heck , I have one friend who have 5 k friends in her friend list. FIVE THOUSAND? Is that even possible ?

Nevertheless, as we grew older, our thoughts began to mature, and we began to really grew up and see the world for what it really is , and our so called "friends" will slowly diminish . The second article talks about this and it was very thought-provoking as you read and began askin questions.. Will the friends from primary school remember you ? Did I make effort to stay in contact with them ? What would happen in the next 10 years to come? Will they still remember me?

The fact is , as time marches on relentlessly , memories tends to fade and people will forget you eventually. That's inevitable unless you try to make effort to stay connected and constantly remind them that you exist in their life . It gets me thinking again then. Is there any point at all to do that ? With facebook , almost everyone knows what you are doing or what's happening in your life recently if you post them up , but are they all your friends?

True friends lend their ears and offer shoulders to lean on when you need them and shares your joy and sorrow from times to times.They know how you are feeling and how you would act in situations. They are those that have been with you through thick and thins, knowing all your best attributes and embarrassing secrets and idiosyncrasies that you have. And last but not least ... true friends stay connected no matter how long they didn't talk to or hanged out. They are people who you can engage a conversation with and talk without noticing how fast time passes.

When I was young , I got a silly dream that when I grow up , I would be able to meet a group of true friends that will be my lifelong friends . We would be able to share any secret and would be able to do the wackiest and craziest of things and just by being with them , I would be happy. Oh, and did I mention that among that group there would be one pretty girl who would be the love of my life ? And we would be together as a couple and be happy forever and ever , accompanied by the other lifelong friends of course. Silly isn't it ?

When I grew up now, life doesn't seem that much colourful anymore. What's with all the bombardment of discrimination , prejudice, backstabbing and myriads of troublesome people and issues we have to deal with ? Still , life isn't all that bleak. The future still shines and I still have faith in my dream. Even right now, I think I already found a few of these lifelong friends , though it's still far from my silly dream. Even so , I will continue to dream , as dreams are our source of motivation and aspirations .

I am grateful for what I possess now , but I do believe that things can still be improved. So, to those reading this now, I appeal to all of you , please do keep your dreams alive :) and stick to it ! Hopefully , one day when I have finally achieved the dream , I would look back at this post and say " damn , the old me is really optimistic huh and such a dreamer too , but hey it worked ! " . Oh and by the way , in the meantime , I would be spending more time hanging out and doing some of the "redundant : stuffs.. because.. what the heck , I can't be productive all the time can't I ? XD Until next time !! Whee~