RCE

Recently , I have been having mixed feelings. Mixed because while i am happy I just gained admission to one of the most prestigious university in Malaysia , I am sad for my accursed left eye. Well. alright.. accursed may be too strong of a word to describe it .. But it's freaking annoying alright ? Imagine having to feel the loss of vision and sight and the only thing you can do the WHOLE DAY is just lying on the bed , devoid of any entertainment that requires vision. Sounds fun ? I would welcome anyone that want to switch place with me anytime .

My condition is diagnosed as Recurrent Cornea Erosion . Sounds deep right? I came up with that name . Recurrent because this is the second time I have been infected with the exact same disease, Basically , I had a skin abrasion on my lower lids of my eye which protects the cornea. Hence, now ,I can't expose my left eye to sunlight and will be experiencing agonizing pain from time to time *in fact I am having it now * . Oh did I mention that my eye will be red and you would see the blood vessels popping out ?

Yes,it is that terrible . Bawh but nevertheless , I am grateful for this happens before I go to KL. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise? Well,we should look for the silver linings behind the clouds right? Optimism anyone? O.O Alright, enough for that. My only hope is that I will be cured of it asap and be done with it FOREVER. Please don't come back to haunt me. I had enough of it .

On a completely unrelated note , I had a conversation with my first love after a rather long time :) . Well, it's not a particularly great endless conversation , nor is it a dull one * hmmm maybe it's on the borderline of being dull * , nevertheless it's still a conversation anyway.

And that sets me thinking . Love, ahh.. what a nostalgic word. Love is both a curse and a blessing , an oxymoron and paradox that mankind will never be able to decipher. Love is a double-edged sword that will harm or heal depending on the situation .

It makes me feel so old just talking about love. Thinking back of the poignant memories and experiences we had, of the fun but short times we spent together , of all the idiosyncrasies you had , of all the things that are uniquely you :) .

It's amazing how we can move on relentlessly even though at the first sight , the first moment we fell in love , we vowed to love and do anything we can to protect , to care , and to cherish our beloved ones . Yet when things fell apart , we just go our separate ways so easily without ever looking back. Is love that fragile?

In retrospect , I guess there is only one girl that I truly loved , and maybe still do ...It's always the first one that will never leave your mind ,ain't it ? But then again, reality is a cruel thing. One may love the other so greatly , so endearingly , so passionately , but the feelings may not be reciprocated by the other side. Yes, you may even be willing to catch a grenade for the love of your life , but does that matter if he/she dont' give a damn thing about it ?

Such is the harsh side of life . Things may not always work out . Heck , life is always unfair,all of us ought to realise that. Yet , people may do something foolish for love. Is it worth it ? Here's a little thought provoking question . If you truly love someone , do you approve of he/she being together with someone else other than you given that he/she will be happy ? Even if she do not acknowledge your love forever, would you still willingly and readily , give and do everything for him/her even at the expense of your own happiness and sacrifice as long he/she is happy ?

Some call it noble.. some call it foolish , yet the same vicious cycle of self sacrifice and foolish acts have been going on for decades... Though , in the recent days, there seems to be less people * particularly guys * not to be sexist here but that's the truth * who will do that. More and more people are getting selfish and adhering to the mentality "there's always a better fish in the sea "

Oh well, guess that's how things are .. So , I leave it to you guys to judge. Is it worth the cause ? Ponder and wonder over it.. because.. who knows there may come a time where you really need to do it or leave it ;)

I am blessed.

In one way or another , I am truly blessed . And for that , I am eternally grateful. Recently , I have been admitted into Universiti Malaya . Before this , I had the the usual stereotypes that local universities are sucky and doesn't even begin to compare with private unis which are on a whole new level altogether. However , as they say It is only when one have lost something that one begins to appreciate .

After doing rather averagely in STPM , my only ticket to private unis , which is the scholarship, is admittedly gone. That leaves me with no choice but to compete with the rest in the struggle against the best local unis. Before doing research, I had no idea that UM is among the top 5 unis in Malaysia , nor have I even heard of it before. Such is the price of ignorance.

Then comes the torturous waiting period . After acknowledging that UM is good , in fact it sounds heavenly to me from the way my seniors described it , I vowed to get in , despite my average results. It was torturous , as I have no complete confidence that I will gain admission to it as I heard the selection process is rather stringent and adding the fact that there will be many other top students that will be competing to get in , my chances are getting dimmer and dimmer.

However, the sad fact is that no matter what I do , I have neither the power nor authority to determine who gets in and who doesn't. So, the only thing I can do is pray. And pray I did. In a desperate attempt to get in , I filled in all 8 spaces in upu selection with 8 different courses in UM. And boy , am I glad that it worked out.

On the day the results of uni admission were announced , I trembled in fear . Fear ,because I know it would be disastrous if I don't get in . Anxiety and nervousness gets the better of me . As the time approached , I could virtually felt cold sweats dripping . Then , it happened. The moment of truth arrived , and before me , the results appeared. In an instant , anxiety and nervousness vanquished , being replaced by the subtle sense of shock and relief , then euphoria !

I was excited beyond words . Slowly , being jolted awake by the nudges and messages from friend, it came to me that it wasn't a dream. I made it somehow.

Fast forward a week later, I am still in the state of shock . Now , I am all pumped up and ready to go to uni , after a rather stagnant 7 months of holiday * even working days are stagnant for me * .It finally felt like a new chapter , a new phase of life is coming .

For now, only the sense of trepidation and nervousness engulfs me. I can't wait to experience it . The last schooling experience I will ever get is about to start. All I can do now is again.. pray for the best . May I get to befriends good friends , may I get to enjoy myself , and most of all may I get to be happy :) . The same goes for all my friends too.. Best of luck to all of you .

Shall be blogging about uni life soon . Stay tuned :)