This V-Day.

It took only a fraction of a second , yet that was more than enough to identify you , amongst all the beautiful and splendid women in the world , to be the one, the perfect one for me.Our eyes met each other for the first time that night. Heart skipping a beat , adrenalin started pumping a little faster. synapses begin snapping a little quicker . Cold sweats started pouring out of every pores of my skin as I began to wonder, what would be the best pick-up line that would make the best impression of me in your very eyes . But I was at Father Time's mercy , as the clocks start ticking away, I began running out of ideas and eventually have to settle with a " Hi , my name is ..." , ending with a slightly forced,nervous smile.

Your face broke into a mischievous grin,then into a magnificent smile , obviously smiling at how silly I must have been =).

***
If I could, I would look you in the eyes, your arms in mine , embracing you ever so tenderly , with no troubles whatsoever in my mind , only us,staring at the beautiful ,picturesque night scenery.With the boundless sky on top of us and evanescent stars in the background shining and dimming in perfect synchrony,only heaven bear witness to our everlasting love memory in this time and space that belongs to only us.

Then,slowly but surely , the momentum of the moment will spur us to move,our lips will be locked together ,entwined and seal the moment,the moment where time would froze for that instant and that particular memory will be forged in my mind as one of my true love snapshot.

***

Ah,.. it's that day of the year again , the much loved and hated day of the year, the day where I have most complications with , bearing mixed feelings towards it . The day, dreaded by singletons in this world , welcomed by lovebirds and couples all around , it's the Valentine's Day !

I have always had mixed feelings towards Valentine's day , the happy feeling for the hope and expectation it always brings ,almost like a second chance of love , the sad feeling for the doom and gloom of having to celebrate it alone.This year is no different.Despite a few setbacks and some doom and gloom that kickstarted my sem 2 , I am determined to make it work ! It's Valentine!!! It's time of forgiveness, joy , happiness and most importantly , LOVE !!!
Love should be in the air , not emoness ;)

As mentioned afore , my feelings are akin to a non-stop rollercoaster journey, one moment it may be extreme depression , another escalating to extreme high. Indeed, the changes is extreme. I overused the word extreme, didn't I? Haha and hence, here I am , on the other end of fluctuation , the positive , overzealous side of me having boundless zest towards positive life!

So,yeah in this special season of love of the year , I wish nothing more than to find joy , happiness and love. That's all , concise and simple wish. Nothing complicated or over the moon. ;) After all these setbacks , I have finally learnt that in the end, nothing matters more than the simplest wish or desires our heart yearns for , after all, the people of the past , our grandparents and great ancestors are able to make do without those luxurious ,materialistic possessions and live just as happily as ever , with just love . So, why can't we?

I have learnt that I complained and ranted too much about things that I lack , yet failing to count the blessings of things that I already have . Such ignorance. Often, man tries too hard to strive for perfection , only to find that the things that they needed the most, have already been in their possession all along . So yeah, stop ranting , and start appreciating!

May this season of love changes us ,and the people around us to be more caring ,tolerant , and loving to each other. May love be in the air . May people worry less and start being happy more ! Let us just love each other !!! Last but not least , may that special someone of mine always be happy =) and find me soon *lol hurry, while I am still on the verge of sanity and not desperate* XD

Oh well , love takes time to groom I guess. Anyhow , it has been a rather random and incoherent post . But that's how I intended it to be . Just pure , unedited ,unadulterated posting , fresh from my mind factory. It's crazy what happened today. I had many crazy ideas and dreams today , i. e the sudden impulse to be a column editor in the star , a k-pop superstar, a kick-ass , elite guitarist capable of playing everything ,Arnold Schwarzenegger,valedictorian and etc. But I guess it's all part and parcel of life's endless lessons. Come tomorrow, a new day begins , and with a new beginning, brings new hope and aspirations. And I shall have faith and trust in this new beginning. May everything truly be alright this time.

In this V-day , I wish everybody to be able to celebrate their Valentine's Day with happiness, even if you are a singleton or in a relationship , always appreciate the things that you already have now. Happy Valentine's Day . Smile ! =)

Reality

I used to feel that I was invincible, invulnerable even . I used to think that one day, I will be able to conquer the world, making it dance on the palm of my hand . I used to think that stress and negative feelings won’t get to me , that I am practically immune to such things that only applies to the weaklings.

Indeed, ignorance is a bliss , and when the truth hits, it hurts, hurts real bad.

***

Maybe this is a stereotype, an over generalization , but whatever it is , it remains a truth with majority of the people. There’s an unspoken rule that those who appears cheerful and most happy on the surface , are the people who actually suffers the most deep down inside when they are alone. After much encounter with such people, I realize that this is a fact. And these kind of people who are usually happy-go-lucky on the outside, are the ones that are most emotionally sensitive. And yours truly happens to be in this particular category of people.

Now, the thing is, these type of people are practically the most difficult type of people to deal with. They put on a poker face and a fake smile, expecting you to decipher their innermost desires by just looking at them. They like to seek attention and be the centre of it . However, that is only a momentarily high that they seek, their true satisfaction comes from being with those who can look past their poker face and fake smile, deep into their heart and understand them fully .Unfortunately, the society nowadays Is too shallow and too judgmental that they only look at the surface to judge someone.

***

Now,my last post was about how I reached K.L and wondering what awaits me in the following days.Well, it’s been a full week after that last post,and I have gotten the answer. What actually happened in that last week? Hell , I would say. It turns out that I have juggling with too much things than I can handle. On 3^rd of February , I went to Malacca for my first camp , a musical camp called Da Yao, a camp to prepare us for a performance on the near end of March ( I am in the dance group of the performance ). Obviously , the torture part is inherent as I felt like I was being ripped off and forced to go at first ( it was RM 120 for 4D 3N camp and there are a whole lot of complications about the camp in which we,the participants aren’t been divulged the details at first ). But ,I went ahead anyway because I already paid.

The hell part is evident as we have to wake up at around 5 am every morning to practice dancing , sleep again at around 7 am , and proceed with the activities scheduled for the camp until late midnight before the cycle repeats itself again and again . At this point, I might hear some of you thinking or saying “ hey,you call that hell? That’s not so bad, I once had a camp where I didn’t sleep at all for a week.. bla bla “ or something similar to that. You know what ? Yeah, I totally agree with you. That ain’t so bad afterall for normal people that is.. I am abnormal in a way. Aside from my eye complications, I have my acne-prone skin to take care of. So,factoring in these two stuff, and the stress and pressure that caused all those small little craters to break out simultaneously and jeopardizing my face, turning it into a perfect canvas for disaster and making me look like a monster, what do you think now? Hell yet?

The thing is, I really hate people who talks as if they know it all. Those people who always just considered that situation as the most stressful and worst of all without considering the fact that there are others worst than them . Sometimes, I might fall prey to this self-centered attitude too, but more than often I always try to put myself In their shoes first. But I just can’t stand people who starts shooting you as if they have been there and experienced your situation first hand while in actual fact , they are totally clueless about your pain and misery.The worst kind of people, are those that never tries to understand people and only speak from their own perspective. Though, I know that most of us, if not all, are liable to these accusation one point or another , but please , I plead and beg of you, I implore you all to just stop and try to think for a second about their situation from their point of view before you start judging them. If everyone could just be a little bit more compassionate and do this , I am sure this world will be much better.

I digressed. Now, back to my camp story. It’s not all doom and gloom though , aside from the abnormalities on my face, I kinda enjoyed the atmosphere there. The people there are exceptionally talented and ridiculously crazy and funny too. And to be able to be together with them , sharing the same passion of music and dance, to learn new things together ,and to be able to be a part of their big family , certainly does put a smile to my face ;). ( though the experience would definitely be infinitely better without my breakouts . I would definitely enjoyed it more ).

So, anyway , when the camp ends and I have to go back to my uni for my second “camp” ( I considered it a camp as afterall, we will be just training and practicing the entire week ) , I leaved with mixed feelings , a feeling of relief as I don’t have to be sleep deprived and wake up at ungodly hour to practice anymore , and a tinge of sadness, I would not be able to see those great people and learn more with them for a while.

Anyway,first camp ended, and the second one has started. This one is better as I don’t have to wake up so early anymore but still not that much different as I have to adhere to a strict schedule too ( due to the fact that I took up too many things ) . Just to give you a glimpse of how I am surviving in that one week ordeal , this is my schedule everyday. 1.30 pm to 4.00 pm choir practice morning session , 7.00 pm to 11.00 pm choir practice night session . > 11.00 pm drama session till midnight , and the nightmare continues again the very next day.

At this point of time, most people who came back early to join this camp are already filled with pangs of guilt and regret , regret because they came back on 5^th of February while the rest of their uni friends are still having their holiday until 19^th of February. Well, I came back on 2^nd .. and the fact that I have another camp on 10^th of February ( AIESEC camp ) to worry about just made it worse . The stress and pressures were unbearable . Maybe , to some of you, this level of stress is normal , not even a stress perhaps, but hey , everyone is different , and my limit just happens to be a slightly lower . Then, it finally got to me. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I hit rock bottom and depression sets in. I just couldn’t stand the thoughts of being in this place , and going to another stress-filled camp anymore. I already too much more than what I am capable of handling.

So, on 10^th of February , I listened to my heart instead. I chose to forgo all reasons and logics and instead embraced my instinct . My conscience was clear. I chose to be happy. ;)

***

Whatever happens next , will be beyond my control , but I do know that , I will not have any regrets making this decision. As the wind of change sweeps in and the cool,light breeze gently swept pass my face, I knew I was right.This familiar feeling of comfort …… I have arrived ;).

Sometimes...

*dup dup * Heart palpitates with furious beats, with each beat producing a more distinctly louder thumping sound than the previous beat , eventually it reaches even the echoes of my ears then *thump* a loud thump , and a sudden stop.

*Dead silence*
Then, a ray of light shines glamorously towards me ,signalling the end of my bus trip. I have arrived , finally, at K.L , again.

***

My mind just refuses to think anymore . Too much worries and stress clouded my rational thinking that my brain decides to just give up on thinking about it. I have been to K.L for more than 10 times already now, yet the 5 hours bus journey from my hometown , Penang to K.L has never failed to amaze me . Each bus journey is always different from the previous one due to the different kind of bus and the roads they travel , but one thing remains more or less the same ,the travel time.

This time is no difference. I boarded the bus at 3.30 pm and reached Pudu Sentral at approximately 9 pm. That is a freaking 5 hours and 30 minutes travel time in a bus.But I am not complaining. There's a cliche that says that you will only realize how important some stuff is after you lost it. I learnt this the hard way. I have lost the precious time that I could spend in my hometown , sacrificing it for some other activities. While other people are going back to their respective uni on 19th of February, here I am , ranting about my predicament right in my university on 2nd of February. Not exactly something I really wanted.

But then again, as the camp and activities have yet to be executed, I shouldn't be judgmental and assume that I will be happier at home rather than here for the next 2 weeks. Who knows, the next 2 week here would be the best time I will ever have in my life? Haha , hopes ~ ahh

I digressed, anyhow, as I have mentioned before, every bus journey is different, and 5 hours 30 minutes is a pretty long time . And being a big thinker that thinks a lot, I used a a bulk of that time to reflect on my current self .

I am sure there are a lot of people that think of me as that friendly,happy-go-lucky, childish guy that always goes around making people laugh , the silly joker, clown that won't grow up forever.Heck,even I think myself to be like that sometimes. But then again, deep inside my heart, it's not really who I wanna be. I have never intended to be childish and be the silly joker that makes people laugh while suffering all the gloom and despair myself. I never did. But it just so happened to be that my outer shell , the way I presented myself is like that. All I ever wanted was to make people happy, and I succeed, most of the time anyway. But in the end , I myself am the one who suffers the most.

I truly refuse to be thought as the childish clown anymore. I refuse to accept such label and I intended to change all that. What I truly wanna be is the matured , helpful guy that is worth being considered as potential partner, not some silly clown that is helpful , but forever be in the friend zone. And I notice i complain too much too sometimes , often for a good reason and logical purpose, but it just seems that people fail to understand why I did that sometimes? Is it wrong to stand up for what you believe in? Is it wrong to be romantic and sensitive? Is it wrong to act the way I am yet still believing in hope? As my reflection goes on , so does my bus continue moving...

As I approaches my destination , slowly but surely , a familiar feeling began to surface from the corner of my heart , accelerating my heart beats rate . Ah... the unwelcomed feeling of loneliness and darkness have arrived . I hate to say this , but even I can get scared and lonely sometimes. No, a better way to phrase this is that everyone gets lonely,depressed and gloomy sometimes. This is especially true to those who always smiles a lot and cheerful in front of people. In fact, these kind of people are the most prone to loneliness and depression. Damn it, if only more people would realize that .

****

Now,let's go back a little in time shall we? Today is rather tumultuous day for me . I woke up at 7 am with a deep feeling of anxiety and uncertainty. Anxiety, because my face is still full of acne scars and the fact that I will have to meet a few of my old friends and even juniors in a few minutes time scares me.Uncertainty, because I know that today will be the day I go back to K.L and faces all the people still with my badly damaged face.I am very tempted to just skip all of the activities and isolates myself from the rest, forming my own social seclusion and abstain from meeting anyone until my face cures , but unfortunately , my moral obligation forbids me from doing so.

So, off I go , meeting my old friends and juniors with a poker face and a fake smile on my face, pretending not to give a single damn about my appearance when I am itching to just dig a hole and bury myself deep inside.And I even resisted my rational idea of staying home and board the 3.30 pm bus to K.L anyway.Now, back to the bus journey.

***

I pride myself as being the master of my emotions ,able to manipulate and control my emotions as I wish , yet sometimes I fall prey to them. When you are riding a bus alone for 5 hours 30 minutes, arriving at an unfamiliar dark place far different from your hometown , and knowing that there's still some distance from the place bus drop you and your hostel, and the fact that you have to walk back alone carrying 3 bags in an unsecured place ALONE ,can be rather fearsome = ).So yeah, I succumbed to that negative thoughts for awhile.

But my emotions fluctuates like a rollercoaster ride, it can go extremely high one moment and goes right to severe depression the next moment. And luckily , this has worked in my favour this time. When I was boarding the LRT , it occured to me that no matter what I think of, life still goes on.

True, there might be no one who is able to understand me the way I am now , and I might get lonely and depressed from time to time , yearning for a woman who understands me and who will nurture me with love, but hey, THIS IS HOW LIFE WORKS. Life is naturally unfair ,and obstacles and challenges are bound to be in your way. Obviously , you have two choices , keep on complaining and wallowing in your self-pity OR SUCK IT ALL UP and MOVE ON !!! ;)

I have read somewhere that negative thoughts and stress are bad for my skin ... ah.. that explains it. So, now I am doing everything in my power to stop those negative thoughts as well as a whole lot of other stuff ( diet ,lifestyle ,etc ). To my body and mind, I am seriously doing my best now, so please cooperate with me and get rid of those acnes and scars , please? =) I trust that you can.

And to my emotional self, don't worry , just be happy.Stress and negative thoughts won't do you any good. Give yourself a pat on the back and nurture your soul with positive energies. You will find the one soon ! Your face will heal itself soon ! Everything is gonna be okay soon!! :)
There's a quote that sounds like this , "In the midst of every difficulty, lies opportunity " ,hence, survive this ordeal, and you will definitely be stronger and better than the rest.

Last but not least, recently I have found an old cliche in which I am determined to embed as my own personal motto. This is it !

" Everything will be okay in the end . If it's not okay , then it's not the end yet ;) ".

Let tomorrow and the days after that be filled with joy, happiness and lots of lots of love ~ =D

Romance

"Adolescence is like a heavy rain. Even though you catch a cold from it, you still look forward to experiencing it once again"And that .. is the basic premise of the wonderful romantic movie, You Are The Apple of My Eye.

Recently, I just finished watching two Taiwan romantic movies , namely Love You You ( 夏日乐悠悠 ) starring Eddie Peng and AngelaBaby and another widely popular ,acclaimed movie called You Are The Apple of My Eye ( 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 ) .These two movies appealed to me alot, especially the latter one, which gave me a lasting impression.


While the first movie is just mediocre , the story was rather touching and the second movie.. is just mind blowing .I have to say, to a pure romanticist , these two movies are an absolute bliss, and very addicting ( especially the second one) Though, the thing is after watching the movies, whenever I asked some of my friends about the movies , most of them respond with a rather not so hyped response , female friends especially , mostly replied that these two movies are either normal or just mediocre at best, with a few even saying it's not interesting.



Then, it set me thinking , I could understand if people say Love You You is not interesting , but 那些年? NOT INTERESTING? How could it be ? The movie, which I consider the pinnacle and epitome of all romance movies I have watched so far, the movie which caused torrents of tears to come gushing down from my eye , the heart-wrenching , tear-jerking ,soul-grasping movie that have become a world wide phenomenon. I just couldn't believe it . Perhaps those who have read the novel would say that the novel is much better,hence somehow heightens the expectation people have about the movie . But then again, there are still alot of people that haven't read the novel , went in and watched the movie and still think it sucks. Moreover,not to be sexist,but I can't help noticing that most of the people are female viewers o.O.

What does this mean? Is love dead? Are females nowadays less romantic than females of the yesteryear ?Could it be true that females nowadays have less passion and romance and chose to focus more on the pragmatic side of the world ,i.e wealth and fame? I wonder... Hopefully ,this is not the case. I guess a youtuber's comment regarding the first movie put it best when he said " And THAT sole reason alone is what makes this movie GOOD! The idea, that the usual kiss takes a movie romantic is pure bullshit. As a guy, hopeless romantic, and romanticist. I found every aspect of this movie entertaining. You don't need a kiss to show, that love is there. As a critic of love stories this one deserves a 4/5. The movie twists the norm of how people view love stories".

On another note, Valentine Day is just around the corner , are you guys ready to date the girl of your dream? ;) Will you be spending it with your partner, or will you be spending it alone? For me, I think it would be just me alone, or perhaps with some of my friends ;).I would be lying though if I don't feel the least bit of sadness spending it with friends/alone again this year. But after watching these movies, I have finally came to a realization that not everyone felt the same way towards love as I feel. I am a romanticist , a pure one too. Hence, I guess the girl of my life have to be of the same type of people I am to complement each other ;). I used to believe love can be nurtured, but I guess it was wrong, not in my case perhaps.Now, I wonder does romantic people still exist? I wonder.. will I still have a chance to be the romanticist i always wanted to be? I wonder and ponder ....

Now, all I can do is just keep on improving myself ,waiting for my own version of Shen Chia-yi to appear ;) . In the meantime, I will just keep on hope and pray that the two curses that I mentioned afore will be lifted off soon enough . I am trusting my mind and body for this one.Slowly,but surely, all of these dreadful stuff will be gone soon and only the good things will come if I continue to believe in myself.

To all the blessed couples out there, stay true to your partner and enjoy yourselves to the most this coming Valentine ;)
To all the singletons as myself xD , be happy you don't have to deal with relationship problems lol ,and rest assured, love will come to you soon if you just believe in it!!!

That's all for now , hopeless romanticist signing out~ ;)