Of Love, Dreams and Aspirations

Flawless skin complexion , hour glass figures , silky, long jet-black flowing hairs , that sultry lips . She possessed almost all of those ideal qualities , coupled with an amicable personality and a dazzling smile , I could find no reasons to resist giving my heart to her , as though any men in the world would be able to resist her,

The first time our eyes met , everything seems to slow down , the background fades into a blur , leaving behind the only focus , her . You know what they say about falling in love for the first time? Like in a romantic love scene , time seems to stand still at that exact moment . My heart skips a beat , and then another beat.. and slowly but surely began to palpitate at a pace I was unfamiliar with.

My face expression gave in , and the awkward smile began fading away , giving a blushed , flustered look. I guessed Lady Luck was smiling at me . Either that or it must have been a figment of my imagination , because I swear , at that moment , I saw an angel smiling at me.

It was a cute grin at first , but it slowly turned into a mesmerizing , dazzling smile . I was speechless , stunned even. All I could do was to reply with an awkward looking smile . After what seems like an eternity to me , we started talking , with she started the conversation first.  Her voice was an absolute bliss.

It started with a small , casual talk . But I guessed the regular chat through the net and phone did the trick . The once casual talk that we had grew into endless conversation and what began as casual admiration feeling slowly grew into love.  The rest ,as they said , is history ;).

***

Now , that would be how I envision my love life would be after countless watch and re-watch of romantic dramas and movies but unfortunately reality is just too harsh and is totally different from the usual fantasy portrayed in the movies.

Instead of the dazzling , handsome prince riding a white horse , I am but an average-looking Average Joe with no transportation whatsoever except my pair of old , but workable legs. And instead of beautiful , model-like women accidentally bumping into me and we had love at the first sight sort of thing , the closest physical contact I ever got with a women was holding a little kid’s hand while crossing the road. ( A little bit too much of exaggeration but , oh well u get the idea :P ).

Geez, reality sure is harsh huh. Not to mention , instead of elegant , charismatic princess-like women surrounding me , in reality , you are most likely get a bunch of women with different , complicated personality and very little , if not none of that princess like features that I mentioned aforehand. Not that beauty is a big issue . Beauty itself is a very subjective thing and every people viewed it differently . So, someone who you deem as not so good-looking might be very good looking to others and vice versa. However, the things that irate me are the complications, or more appropriately termed  “patterns” shown by some girls.

Over the few years , I have seen much patterns shown by some girls . These includes egoistic, control-maniac, princess syndrome , perfectionist , and etc. Girls that have egoistic behavior and princess syndrome are basically the same , in the sense that they take everything men do for granted , without any sense of gratitude or even appreciation to them. The control maniacs on the other hand , will assume authority in every matter , without even listening to other’s opinions . Whereas the perfectionists , are the one that would demand perfection in everything , insisting that people did not give their best without realizing that everyone’s limitation of giving their best is different .Of course, even us men are susceptible and liable to these “patterns” but in our defense, these stereotyped patterns are found more generally in women.

I digressed. As the main focus of this post today is about how I envision my love life to be , I shall refrain from expounding further on that argument . So, going back to how love life should be.

 As a romanticist at heart , obviously I would want that ideal situation with that ideal model- like women. But as I slowly grew up and attained maturity . Slowly but surely , I realized that if the environment itself is hard to change , then change yourself. Beauty is subjective to your own perspective . And beauty itself may not necessarily be the determining factor. There are lots of other factors contributing to love. Plus, who says love can be predicted or anticipated? When love comes, you just fall head over heels.. And they call it fall in love , because you literally fall into it , something that you can never prepare or anticipate for it beforehand.

And like what one of my friend said, sometimes it’s all the imperfections that made it perfect. For now,  I don’t want to look for the girl with the perfect hour glass figures , flawless complexion and pretty face . I am looking for someone who would love me as much as I love her ;) .

Ah… the things I would love to do with a lover .. They are countless ! Top of my list being to travel around the world , visiting fascinating Mother Nature’s creation , one at a time, a guitar by my hand, another hand holding hers , and enjoying life to the fullest !!!

Oh well, guess that would be left for the future me to deal with. As for the present me, all I need to do is to enjoy the presence , and enjoy life, one step at a time  ;) Till the happiness in the not too distant future comes ,  hopefully I shall be able to continue retaining this positive attitude. See ya ~ 

The scene that inspired this post. Scene from Roraima Mountain , Venezuela .

The Blue Moon

Like the proverbial lonely wolf staring at the moon’s reflection on the pond, longing for something that seems so near , yet so far , I sit here in this unearthly hour , staring at my monitor screen , with a mundane , post-depression feeling , accompanied by a melodramatic music playing in the background. Surreal.

Finally , it ends. The onslaught of activities that once cornered and strangled me , almost killing me in the process, have finally ceased to exist. They have finally ended. No more. I should be happy , shedding the tears of joy , jumping around like mad man , grinning like a clown , and be on cloud nine , yet none of that happens. It was just a simple feeling of relief , and that’s all . Before this I was deeply anticipating the end of it , the beginning of something new , but now that it has ended, I still feel as empty as I was feeling during the activities were held.

I wonder if I have feelings anymore. I feel so tired . Sometimes, I really wonder, do I really have a place to belong to ? It was weird , seeing how the rest relentlessly commit themselves, sacrificing their sweat ,blood and tears to do something that , in logical and rational thinking , will almost contribute nothing much to their future . Yet they seemed so happy doing it , and seems to be fully enjoying themselves every second.

I dunno . Somehow, the things that can intrigue or amused me seems to be gone little by little. Perhaps it is the process of growing up , but I am getting less amused by everyday happenings. It is as though there are nothing much that can bring my moods up and amuse me. It is as though as I give up looking forward for optimism and the promised happiness. It is as though hope has abandoned me.

From the start, I knew that I have strong inter and intrapersonal skills. It may sound abit egoistic and arrogant , but trust me , it is not. This statement is a mere jurisdiction of my analytical skills judging from my interest of people. I also knew that I am easily bored and can be very hard to be entertained from the start. However, I couldn’t imagine it could be this bad.

I know that I am not alone. I know that there are thousands , or maybe even millions more out there that have the same personality or attitude as mine. We, the silent millions are the ones who smile and put on a cheerful persona outside , the ones who are labeled optimists , happy-go-lucky people , the one who never gets tired or depressed. Yet, we know, deep inside, when we are alone , mind tricks began to collude our minds , the inner pessimistic realists take over , and we are left perplexed with the onslaught of confusing questions bombarding our minds.

So, tell me brothers and sisters , how do we solve the age-old mystery of acquiring happiness ? A few days ago , I was walking with one of my friend when we were asked to make a wish on the wishing tree nearby. I wished for happiness, love and joy. Is it that hard to achieve? In retrospect , I had acquired a prediction from a temple . The prediction, or more precisely , premonition about me states that in my life and future undertakings, I will be faced with a lot of obstacles before gaining tremendous success in the end. However, the pain is slowly killing me. How much longer must I endure to taste the sweet victory of success ?

 Just a moment ago , I was reading an article in newspaper that intrigues me. That article was talking about recognition and acknowledgement after death , which truly make a point. The writer cites the case of Amy Winehouse, a singer whose life was plagued with drugs abuse and whole lots of problems . Only after her death , she was recognized and acknowledged for her good deeds, the good side of her , the pain she suffered battling drugs , the fragility and tragedy of her life story. This is terrible. Why do we , humans only notice the hidden sides of someone , only after his/her death ? Why do we fail to know a person’s idiosyncrasies , the story of his life , the multiple facets of him when he was alive ? Why must we wait for his death only to moan and regrets not spending a little more time with him, eulogizing words of appreciation and his good deeds. Why? In the writer’s word “ Dying is the key to getting noticed” .

In a way , I supposed it was true. Maybe death is a way of saying that someone is human. Someone wants to be known , to be noticed . Someone has a story to tell. Someone has desires and wishes , hopes and failures. Someone wants a place in this world to belong to , to be loved and to love. Someone’s life wasn’t just about the things he did or said,but also about the things left undone or unsaid.

When I read the article , I felt a deep sense of nostalgia and a strong connection . Perhaps I am that someone who craves attention , but did not ever have the proper channel to display it, someone who is trying to find a place to belong to , yet fails to fit in any community . I am trying to change. I have had enough of being the “cheerful” guy . Sick and tired of being the joker or clown of the group . People ought to be more sensitive with their remarks.Just because I might fool around and crack some nonsensical jokes, it doesn't mean I can't be serious and emotional .So , please , grant me the strength to change , to overcome the fear of rejection , and to accept the courage of conviction.

As mentioned afore, the premonition states that I have many more battles to overcome before I can finally achieve success. So , I guess that means there will be more emotional , depressing even , gloomy blog posts to come in the future . Oh well , only those who had braved the stormy seas will find glory anyway. I guess that’s all for now. Wishing all the best for myself , and as always , hoping for love, happiness and peace for you and me ;). Until next rant ~. =D

 

The 3rd Perspective

Now picture this situation , imagine there's two people. One of them is someone who is willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of an event , in the name of responsibility and passion , staying up late till unearthly hours almost every night , covered with blood , sweat and tears. The other one, is someone who is rejecting any involvement with the event mentioned afore, because his top priority is that of studies and academic excellence and to him , getting involved in any activity/ event will serve him no purpose, in fact, it may even deteriorates his academic performances and wastes his time.

Question : Who is right or wrong ?

****
That is exactly the situation that is happening in my residential college now. You see , to the uninitiated , in my residential college/ hostel , there's this tradition that all of us , 1st year undergraduates must work together and be united. In order to accomplish that , there are tons of activities or events that relies solely on us, the 1st years only to organize and complete it.One such activity , a rather big-scale one is our very own Malam Kebudayaan Cina ( MKC ) . In this event , there will be alot of performances such as Chinese Diabolo (车龄) , 24 seasons drum(24 ),drama , Chinese Talk ( Xiang Shen ) , Chinese Orchestra () which aims to promote our chinese culture and of course, subsequently uniting us 1st years also.Supposedly the ideal condition is that , through the hard work and difficulty in organizing this big event , it is in their ( senior's) fervent hope that we , the 1st years will be willing to sacrifice their time and energy, and worked together in perfect harmony to accomplish this enormous task , and in the end, emerged from this storm together, hands with hands by our side.

Unfortunately , as with most big events , humans are creature of habits and personality. We are not robots or machines who just worked according to the default given instructions.When we are dealing with humans , it's like working with a machine with infinite variables. It is almost impossible to predict or anticipate what will happen as every human is unique and different in their own ways. Humans, in general, I believe can be divided into 3 categories when it comes to this case.

1) People who just stand there and watch you do all the works , preferring to shun responsibility and works ,unless it truly benefits them in one way or another.

2) People who won't hesitate to sacrifice themselves , waste their time and energy once they have been assigned the specific tasks and responsibility.

3) People who will commit and help more than the 1st type, but not as much as the 2nd type .

Let's break this down a bit shall we? The 1st type of people are usually labelled selfish , evil , cowards,irresponsible or assigned other negative connotations. The 2nd type are the people who are selfless people, the ones who places others' priority ahead of their own. They are the responsible and trustworthy ones , usually basking in the glory of positive labels.

But hey.. stop and think for awhile. Isn't that just one side of the story ? True, you can think of this way and in the olden days , definitely most , if not all people think like that . However, as the world grows larger and more connected each days , and the society evolving into more complicated type , human perception changes too... What was once perceived as negative and evil are now acceptable , or rather more tolerated , whereas positive values are slowly losing its value .

Let's have a take on the other side . If we were to look of it through another lens, the 1st type of people may be labelled as sensible, pragmatic, or even realistic. Realistically , what are the benefits of sacrificing yourself if you gain nothing in return ? And besides , is it even worth the sacrifice? Referring to the situation at the beginning of the post . Would you sacrifice your academic performance which may , in worst case scenario , requires you to repeat the entire semester or even dropped out from university in return of completing an event which you will get nothing in return . ( No fame , no fortune , nothing.. people won't even recognize you after the event . You will just be forgotten , memories of your hard works and commitment fading away with time ). Going back to the 2nd type of people. True, in one hand people praise you for selflessness , but in other hand , that act of yours is not selfless , it's foolish and not pragmatic , insane even. And what's more , in today's biased society , not only your hard works and relentless perseverance and commitment might not earn your recognition , it may even bring disasters and harm. With just some twist of words , other people may claim your works , and you may be left with nothing but blames or claim that you did nothing. Worth it ?Afterall , people tends to remember only the bad news while the good news are forgotten easily.The arguments above might be an exaggeration , but nevertheless ,they are still valid arguments.

As you can see, I have laid out the general arguments for both sides. So, where does this leave us? And what conclusion can be drawn form the above manifestation ? If you noticed , I have yet to mention the 3rd type. Yes, the hint is right there. The 3rd type, the neutral ones . These are type of people who thinks of the 3rd perspective . Now, what is the the 3rd perspective really ? If you have read Stephen R. Covey's book entitled " The 3rd Alternative", you are most likely to have some rough idea of how it works. Typically , most people tends to have only two perspectives that is your perspective and mine. In other words , it is either you are right or I am right , either you're on my side since you are thinking with the same mindset as mine, or you're my enemy, on the opposite side since your thinking differs from mine.

The 3rd perspective is to take a neutral stance , to place yourself in both side's shoes and think about both the sides , without disregarding any of them as right or wrong. Truth to be told, right or wrong , evil or good , these values are very subjective , and are perceived differently by every people.

But we , human are creatures of habit, emotions and feelings. We are emotionally-inclined creatures , with our hearts being sensitive and susceptible to various vulnerable feelings. Regardless of how we tried to contain our emotions and feelings , in the end , we still cannot deny that we are mere humans and being fragile ,vulnerable humans we are , our judgements and perceptions are easily influenced by these emotions. When emotions come to play , rational and logical thinking became impaired , and we are unable to judge accurately and justice or fairness may be compromised. But then again , what is justice anyway ? What is true or fake ? Right or wrong ? Again , up to people's perception ;).

Referring to the earlier question posted at the beginning of this post , what do you think may be the answer? I believe, in a nutshell, there is never right or wrong . It is best to just adopt a neutral stance instead of outright defending your views first . Place yourself in the other people's shoe. Try to think from the other perspective , however conflicting it is with your own views. If everybody can just think this way, then perhaps the world will be much better place. ;)

* End Note : this way of thinking is quite similar to the spirit of ubuntu which promotes the thinking that a human cannot survive without another , dictating that the community is placed above the needs of the individual . Do check the link out for more information ;D *