Thoughts

As the day passed by silently, and the day of the doom is approaching,I can't help but to feel anxious and scared.Truth to be told, I want to relax, I want to be carefree,I want to just lay back and don't give a single damn about this coming examination.Hey,wait a minute.Actually I can.Well,the final decision is up to me after all.I am the one who directs my brain to think and my muscles to move.I am the one that can choose to relax or to study under stress.So,why do I have to choose the bitter,latter choice?

That is the question I always posed to myself whenever I was down and do not have the mood to study.Given a choice , I am pretty sure most people would choose the premier choice of relaxing,sleeping and being in a cheerful and laid back attitude as time passes.I mean, why the heck would one like to plunge himself/herself under books and exercises with prodigious stress?Then again, every action must bear some consequences and there must be reasons supporting those actions.

So,if I were to just look a little closer to the choices, what will I discover?Lets see,if I were to choose to relax , then definitely I would be in much happier mood,and time shall passes very quickly and then YEEE HAAA,time for real entertainment with friends =D.But then again, the consequences? FAIL..Yes,that would probably be the examination result if I keep on slacking.Thinking about this result really sends a chill down my spine.I hate failures.I really hate them.Failures are the most tormenting and depressing thing that could ever happen to anyone.Or at least that is what I thought.

Through some horoscope readings, I have been informed that I have a tendency to be dominating,in whatever I am involved in.I couldn't agree more on this.I really have the desire to surpass others and win them in whatever I am involved in.However,in academics, I am just not the studious type.I couldn't even touch the borderline of their high standards,much less compete with them.Why is this so?Sure,being a lazy and evasive student,I can probably give many excuses and reasons regarding my performance (e.g lack of time , not conducive environment ,naturally stupid and etc etc )but deep down, I know that the very reason for my bad performance , is simply because I am lazy.Actually, I think everyone is naturally smart,and was given the same amount of intelligence and time.It is just the environment, and one's attitude that make the difference.

If one is willing to learn, and provided the teachers are good and a conducive environment is provided,I don't see why he/she can't be a genius?That being said,if anyone is willing to put in effort and have an unwavering determination,definitely he/she would be able to excel in whatever he/she is doing.So,that means I have to cope with those reference books and exercises just a bit longer huh ?Even though, I do not have passion for it,I still have to study it,just for the sake of getting an A.See how ridiculous is the educational system in M'sia now?Frankly, if I could, I would just go straight to the course I love and pursue my interest.That would be more meaningful and definitely I would be able to "study" it happily.Life will be a lot easier if the subject you are studying is the subject that you loves.

Oh well,enough with all these rantings,not like these few rants of mine will change the educational system in this country(At least not in this few years I guess).Now,back to my conflicting mind.So, in the end ,rather than relaxing under the sunlight, entertaining myself with some dramas or movies, I have to immerse myself in those thick and heavy "educational" and academic books,huh?Well,if that's what I have to do in order to score,so be it.After all,in about two months time,it will all come to an end.

On a totally unrelated note, I have just gotten the result of my ICAS English test result.I was quite shocked by the result.Well,frankly, I dunno whether or not I actually deserve the result as I see there are many others that I felt should get better results.Somehow, I am still quite dissatisfied as upon reviewing the paper,I am quite frustrated at some silly mistakes here and there.If I did rectify those mistakes, I could have gotten a better result or even a higher grade.But,in the end,this has already passed,and after all,there are some questions that I actually got correct due to pure luck.So,I guess it is quite balanced =D.Besides,this paper did benefit me in one way or another.So,thats it for today.Off I go to immerse myself in books again.Oh,btw,to those suffering the same fate as me to face SPM in the next few weeks,good luck =D You are not alone !