Liberation

After what seems like an never ending eternity , the proverbial sunshine after storm finally arrived. It was such a surreal experience. The end of da yao concert yesterday marks the end of my 2nd major event that I joined in university in my first year.The first major event being the choir competition. 2 down , 1 more to go = ). I am so glad that they have ended .

Though I have no regrets that I joined these events , things could have been better if I had known earlier what I am going into when I first made those decisions. As I have mentioned before, there are many things that you won't know unless you entered and get your hands dirty yourself. One cannot predict the future . And recently I stumbled across an awesome quote which goes like this "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat". -Theodore Roosevelt-

Cool ! Aha, at least I tried greatly , and in this case , even triumphed successfully !!! I have learned a lot from this episode. One important lesson that I have gained is regarding people.In general , there are two types of people in this world , those who are on your side, and those who are not . However , if we were to let ourselves be confined within these two school of thoughts only, we are doomed to fail .

People's mindset ,learning style , and way of thinking varies and differs from one person to another. This may be due to the different environment,culture, or even their predisposed genetic make up. If you and me disagree on something , it doesn't necessarily mean that you are right and i am wrong or vice versa ,it just means that we think differently , and no one should be blame for that.It is not a matter of choice that we were wired this way.However, if you were
to insist that you are right and i am wrong just merely because my perspective is different from yours, and impose your thinking on me, you are just portraying yourself as a mere fool,hypocritical,selfish person incapable of understanding this simple logic.

Therefore, in order to success and to get out from that two school of thoughts trap , we need to rid ourselves of the conventional wisdom , think out of box, beyond the norm , think of the 3rd perspective , the one perspective where we think of each other's perspective, accept our differences and compromise to come out with a consensus which will satisfy both sides .

Ah.. I digressed.. anyway , it was a very interesting experience after all. It was a very pleasant experience , being able to engage with some of the amazingly talented people who composed and performed their own songs .Seeing how talented some of those people in my university just made me yearn to learn more and more. I vow not to stop learning and continue to improve myself ,until I can stand on the same level as them and hopefully surpass them someday.

Moreover, it is the first time I felt such sense of gratitude towards my parents and family. Seriously , before my departure to university , I was completely ignorant of the fact and even occasionally hates them for restricting me and forcing me to make choices that satisfies them rather than myself.

However, as they say , going somewhere far makes your heart yearns. How true, after leaving do I realized that my parents are the best parents in the world ,especially my beloved mother. The realization hit me right on the face. It's amazing how one's mindset can changes so fast after leaving to other place. And oh yeah , my hometown's the best state too~ ;) . I may be biased in saying this , but truly Penang is a fantastic place to live in . It's not too crowded,very peaceful,has VERY GOOD FOOD and still developed enough for you to find a good job to make a living.

On the other hand, I am starting to familiarize myself with the K.L environment . The fragile , but livable hostel , the 2 noisy and wacky roommates , the tasteless ,limited choices of food , and the hectic lifestyle of sleeping late everynight and waking up in the wee hours of around 7 am. Oh well, they say familiarity breeds contempt . I guessed I have already went past that contempt phase, for now, I am just happy I have a roof on top of my head when I am sleeping ;)

Undeniably , after this episode, the best place to be in is definitely my home sweet home, my beloved hometown, Penang , together with my family. Now, with just one more big event to go , life is less hectic now , though my personal troubles and mid term exam still haunts me, one big dilemma still resides in my mind : Should I join these activities again next semester? or should I just quit everything and focus on my self-development and studies. A balanced, non-partisan analysis reviews that there are merits and disadvantages in both choices , though when emotions are involved , me being the lazy person in nature would probably choose the latter.

Oh well, the time to make those choices is still far away. For now , I guess I will just focus on the things right in front of me, and cherish them ;). I thank the higher authorities in the universe , for making my prayers come true and blessing me with an amazing family. Now , I hope things can only get better from now on, as the darkest hours , the worst, lowest moments of my life so far , the excruciatingly painful physical and mental torment that I have endured this past 2 weeks have ended. ;) Here's for a better tomorrow and more optimistic and cheerful posts in the near future ~ Toodles !

Reflection of the midnight circus.

*BAMP* BAMP * BAMP* Noises everywhere. Buzzes .,Slowly but surely , the clattering noises echoed around the empty room , filling it entirely and plunging the entire atmosphere into a cacophony of mess and disasters. There is nothing but a chaotic mix of mess and turbulence. Then, the entire thing stopped. An awkward,dead silence ensued . And such.. is the metaphor for my heart now.

***
It's march. And i am getting used to this kind of writing style now. A short story-like description of my feelings and then the direct musings to follow up. Mm.. yeah.. I like this style. Without further ado, let's move to our main topic of musing tonight , as the title suggests , it's a self-reflection for the latest happening in my life so far. Woah.. I am feeling rather melancholy tonight, so this post is gonna be crazy long I guess .

It's march , the month of hustle and bustle ,the much dreaded and yet anticipated month of the year so far. Ah.. the irony . Such contradiction warrants a logical reasoning. Indeed, the question is why ? Why the dread ? Answer : because of the various activities that requires commitment will be having their main event on this particular month ,coupled with a few mid sem exams , hence the stress level is once again elevated to its maximum potential. Paradoxically , it's the same reason I anticipate march to end, because the end of march also marks the end of my hectic , busy , activity-centric life .Hooray!! Oxymoron much.

Hmm.. so what do this month mean to me? It means a lot. I have noticed that in this month , the focus of my uni life is more towards activities more than studies. In other words, I commit more to activities ( due to I taking in too much, more than I can handle , my fault anyway ) rather than to my academic performance. But that's fine , as I totally believe in the principle of getting on the job hands down rather than relying on second-handed information. I mean, if you never did get involved in that activity , how can you rate / comment on it based on just what other people said ?Besides, what rumours and gossip dictates can be falsely misleading ,and you will never know what to expect unless you joined it. So, bearing this principle behind my back, I resolved to join as much activities as I can in sem 1, which results in serious repercussion haunting me back now in this sem 2.

But it's alright. It's fine . I will just think of this semester as my experimentation sem . Now that I have done it all , seen it all , it's time to be selective and decisive the next time. I would have that wealth of information backing me up the next time I make a decision. I would be able to make an informed decision then. So , yeah.. this semester, this month in fact, have been such an eye-opener. I have seen and heard so much that it exceeds my expectation. It has been a harsh revelation to me for I have seen the good,bad and ugly nature of human.

The good,the bad and the ugly . These elements are fundamental in every human being, in fact , it's safe to say that almost everyone have them , it's just a matter or who have which element more . Call me cynical if you will, but I believe, deep inside, everyone did something for their own happiness/ benefits. Even the most good natured ,selfless people you have ever met, will do something for their own good one point or another. This is the basic survival instinct of human.And my hypothesis have been proven right. This month,I saw how some people, will for their own benefits , backstab others , badmouth the rest and do other seemingly trivial stuff that demeans and demonizes others . No matter how trivial it may seem, the motive is still there, to make ourselves happy , no matter the cost. Not that I am surprised with such clear results.

It's just that.. I expect something more in this university life. It's the big phase in our life afterall , University, the last schooling phase before we move on to the so called real world, working life. But no.. nothing much have changed after all. Pigs wearing human mask continue to rear their ugly heads , fools that don't think before they say anything , idiots that continue to baffle me with their idiotic mindset of pointing fingers and judging before putting themselves in others' shoes,people who keep on pretending and faking to gain sympathy, trust and benefits ,and worst of all , insensitive people who are incapable of sensing emotions and feelings. Tsk. it's frustrating really . Why are there people like that? But of course.. nobody is perfect, even I myself is susceptible to such fallacies. Yet, I can't help to think.... WHY? Why in the world do people fall prey to the above mentioned fallacies? IF , if and only if people can do more for the sake of others rather than for the sake of themselves just once, then definitely this world will be a much better place.

In the recent article that I read for the sake of my critical english course , there's a quote which I find very intriguing. " Love is the prime mover of relationships between human " . In this world, there's so many people who preach and teach about how love can save the world, yet how many of them are actually practising them ? I gave up being a good ,selfless person a long time ago when I saw how corrupted has this world become. In this cruel,realistic world, it's each one for yourself. There are indeed true, selfless people who sacrifices themselves for the sake of others ,but they are rare and few .Besides, will self sacrifice put food to your table? Will it make you and your precious ones happy ? It will, if everyone acts the same way, but unfortunately this world is filled with more pigs donning human mask rather than actual benevolent human being .

Hence, I came to this conclusion that in befriending people , one needs to be selective. Social network is important , but to get too close to another people will just expose you to his/her myriads of problems and ugly sides. Getting too personal may in turn hurts yourself. And it's best to avoid or just maintain minimal contact with other well-known cynical ,striving for personal gain bastards. Ah.. in this harsh world of reality , looking for a good friend/ love is like finding a needle in an ocean.

Recently , I re-watched a Hindi movie called "3 Idiots " again. ( Watch it if you haven't , it's a MUST WATCH ). The points made and its take on life is so spot-on that anyone who have intellect and a humour sense would definitely enjoy the movie and the message behind it. The movie talks about how one should have passion in whatever he/she is doing, as "striving for success is futile , we should strive for excellence, and if we do, success will come chasing us, pants down " ( quote from the movie ) and to strive for excellence, we must have passion in whatever that we do.

Then , a random thought hit me. What will I be feeling on my convocation day? In a mere blink of an eye, semester 2 has began and it's slowly coming to an end. What felt like an eternity suddenly became so close. The bitter reality that has sunk in is that in mere 2 and a half years, I will be leaving my university life and making the transition into working soon. How do I see myself in the future 2 and a half years? I will definitely be asking myself.. what have I done in this university life. Did I enjoy it ? Did I hate it? Are there any regrets? Resentments even? All these questions suddenly popped in my head. Am I doing the right thing now? The important question being " How should I live my next 2 and a half year in order to have no regrets in my convocation day? "

So many questions, yet so little answer. But that is life. Life is full of unanswered questions. And then there are questions with no real right or wrong answer. This reminds me of one of the late Steve Job's quote. "“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.” , his response to few of life’s challenges that hit him over the course of several years, , and looking back, he realized that that ended up being hugely significant towards later realizations in life. I think it’s really a great way of putting life’s challenges into perspective, or really, anything you do in life…looking back and seeing how they connect with where you are now.

So, right now , I still can't quite connect the dots yet.. but I trust that if I live my life in accordance to this question " How should I live my next 2 and a half year in order to have no regrets in my convocation day? " , I believe happiness can't be far from this huh? Oh well.. let it be and we will see... Till the next rant. Tata

Quote

I walked a mile with Pleasure,
She chatted all the way,
But left me none the wiser,
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she,
But oh! The things I learned from her,
When Sorrow walked with me.

Robert Browning Hamilton,
extract from Mitch Albom's " Have a little faith " .

Unexpected

Surprise , Surprise, Life is full of unexpected surprises . Life is in a constant ever-changing environment . It is like a roller-coaster journey , full of tumultuous turns everywhere you go, never gonna know how the end will look like until the very end of the journey.

A lot of people equate life to alot of things. Life is a box of chocolate , Life is a pandora box , life.. and then they say too when life gives you lemon, you make lemonade . But I say , nothing rings more true than this quote " Life is a constant change . "

Now,I say this all the time , but I felt that this timeless phrase needs to be repeated as it holds true every single time.Life can take unexpected twists anytime. One moment you could be buried in the abyss deep down ,where you are filled with nothing but depression, gloom and grief , another moment , life will pull you and fling you up in cloud nine , filled with joy,happiness and love !

Take for example today , after a stress-filled , gloom-ridden , depressing month , I have finally became numb of it and started to become accustomed to it. I take it that destiny intends me to take this path , as down this path , a lot of questions popped up, and a lot of lessons have been learned too. Questions such as "Why me? " , "Am I doing the right thing?", " What will happen if I took another road? ".Then it sets me thinking , perhaps , all this stuff has already been inside the destiny which I have been imprinted and marked with ? What if , this is indeed what I should be doing , taking in all these sufferings and torments at first, exposing me to the worst of human nature and life's lesson , before attaining great successes and consequently a bright future?

Frankly though , my brush with destiny is rather odd one. I am not really a true believer of destiny since young . My mindset have always been affected by the wind of change , and I have paradigm shifts all the time. Perhaps , it's in my nature to be indecisive and easily swayed by external influence, but it's not a bad thing after all.

I digressed. As I mentioned ,after a stressful month , I am now finally learning adept to it. And just when I did , as if by a slight brush of fate , things started changing , for better. These few days , a few events have finally concluded , and there's only a few more stressful tasks to be met before I officially be declared free of all responsibility and pressure. And that is undeniably a GOOD thing for sure ;).

Today especially , I met a senior who I believe have the same kind of mindset that me , and we did a few small talks before engaging into a very meaningful discussion. He says he's a deep believer of fate and destiny , of how things have already been set into motion the moment you are born and basically we are all just following the pre-determined path that have been laid before us. Two people sharing the passion of music and dance , but with a slight different mentality at first, he believing in destiny , but I believing in people's potential to influence destiny and carve their own . When you put these kind of people together , a very meaningful and interesting result could be obtained from these meeting.

Through our conversation , I can sort of see a lil of my future self in him , seeing that he's several years older than me. By the end of the discussion , I reached a conclusive conclusion , that is the fact that , destiny may influence our life one time or another , but I strongly believe that , our every action , is capable of changing destiny itself. I guess a more accurate description would be that I believe in the parallel universe concept, that if you take one path instead of another, it will lead you to another world. Which means , this is just one of the parallel universe that we are living in, while in other instances where you take different actions , you end up living an entirely different life. For instance , you could have been an office worker living a regretful , 9-5 job ,struggling to make ends meet , but in an alternate universe , you could be living your dream life of being a rocker , making a living out of your true passion. Interesting, neh ?

So, after the chance meeting and talk with him , I have decided and in fact , confirm that the way I am living my life now is correct ,and that is the lifelong journey of continuous learning and improvement. A life that focuses solely on my own self-development in various aspects ,while not forgoing my passion and interest , and still maintaining a positive cash-flow and having a great social life to boot. Seems difficult huh? Certainly , but impossible? Certainly NOT!

In a nutshell, this will probably be the lifestyle that I will be applying in the next few years and let's just see how it goes. Right now , I am still high in the midst of ecstasy , in cloud nine , at the positive end of my mood fluctuation , but things might change again very soon, hopefully ,it will change for better ! As they say, you can never get enough the feeling of happiness and love. So ,let's fill this world with love , joy and happiness ! and hopefully I received a plenty of them back in the near future !!!

Alright , yours truly ( still high in ecstasy ) , signing off, bye ! Until the next documentation of my life journey ~ Tata!