Of Failure , Learning and Re-Discovering

It has been a while . Lately , I have been on a competition frenzy mode , propelled by my recent “achievements” in the Samsung AppStar Contest . For those of you that may or may not know , in the last few weeks , I have participated in a contest called Samsung AppStar Contest , which is basically a contest that allows you to win up to RM 24 000 grand prize simply by presenting an idea for application . Me and my teammates have spent significantly large portion of our time , dedicating ourselves to prepare and trained relentlessly for this . In 29/11/2012 , finally , it was the day . I never have been more nervous in my life . It was the first major competition that I participated in voluntarily and prepared for relentlessly , and naturally , I have high confidences and expectations .

After the end of the presentations , I was still in high spirit , convinced that our team did our best and that presentation was sufficiently mesmerizing enough to earn us a place in top 3 placing . As we were the 5^th out of 12 groups to present , we were relieved of our stress and anxiety early and are able to watch other teams present their ideas , still having to face their fear of anxiety and trepidation . Finally , every group finished presenting . Upon watching other’s presentation , we , or rather I was convinced that our team did well enough to at least secure a place in top 3 . Slowly but surely , the confidence slowly turned into an uncalled-for arrogance , and my mind started wandering off into the not too distant future , thinking about how I would spend that big lump sum of money by treating my friends , my families , and keeping a bit for myself . You see , when arrogance takes over your head , your mind wanders easily . As my mind wandered further and further , it suddenly went blank , when I thought of what to do after I spent those money .

***

BLANK . Nothing at all . The abrupt stop of that train of thoughts jolted me back to reality . My heart suddenly feels empty , devoid of emotions . After I spent those money , then what ? You see , in retrospect , I am not a particularly long-term motivated person . I am the type that are easily motivated by short-term gains , as the direct implication of my short term attention span , and also for the fact that humans in general , always prefer instant gratification rather than a long-term , more sustainable gratification . As such , I never really tried my hardest and put in 100% of my effort or go beyond that most of the time , the closest I ever get to 100% of effort could probably be during major examinations period . 

However, even then , I am pretty sure I did not manage to put in all of my effort and dedicate and commit myself solely for that very purpose .  But this time is different . For the past few days , weeks in fact , all I could think of in my mind was the Samsung AppStar Contest ,the reason , mostly due to the fact that there’s financial gain to be made from this contest , and it’s huge sum of money ! Nevertheless , I cannot deny that in these past few weeks , I almost committed all of my time and effort into this sole purpose of winning the contest , as I am motivated to do it for myself , not being forced or coerced by anyone else , but on voluntary basis .

And that fact alone brought a big sense of relief , because during that period , it gave me a meaning to my life . No longer am I memorizing facts and figures simply to pass a stupid subject that I felt have no relevance at all to my life in the future , neither am I attending some lecture classes just to fulfill my 80% attendance rule to sit for the final exam . I am finally doing something for myself . That fact alone brought immense joy to me , coupled with the sense of thrill and excitement whenever I think about winning the contest . Ultimately , it’s not the money , nor is it the fame that comes with the contest that is important , it is the bittersweet taste of victory , knowing that you have put in your effort and carving a path to success by your very own hands is the best gratification anyone can ever have in life .  

But after this contest , I would have none of those anymore , I would probably have to return to the dull , mundane , repetitive task of a normal undergraduates , much like anybody else . And that , brought grief and sadness to my heart .  

***

“ and the winner is TEAM X~ “ announced the emcee of the night . I was shocked ! All those fantasies about spending the money , and finally the money did not come to us .And that’s how the much anticipated finale of Samsung AppStar ended . We did not win any placing , only the most favourite award that was given to app that got the most amount of Facebook Votes. I guess expectations does not really equate reality sometimes .

A few days after the incident , I am still having trouble to cope with the failure and having no more meaning in my life . I have lost that excitement of waking up everyday having something to look forward for and thinking about the same thing before going to sleep everynight . It took a few more days of social isolation and some trips alone to far away places to be able to move on .

There was this one particular trip of going to Cheras Leisure Mall ( I am currently studying near Petaling Jaya ) that’s worth reminiscing . I am a rather big fan of branded earphones . Being an audiophile , good earphones are one of those things that I am willing to burn my wallet for . A few days ago , I discovered a good deal about MEElectronic A151 earphone ( retailing for around rm 200+ ) in lowyat.net . Upon seeing the deal , I quickly became excited and messaged the dealer for his best price and also the method of transaction . Most dealers in lowyat would prefer cash-on-delivery ( COD ) method of transaction , which means the dealer and customer will have to meet up in an agreed upon places and exchange the cash for the products. As the dealer lived near Cheras and has agreed to give better prices should I come to him , I decided to do just that .

MEElectronics A151

Although I have never been to Cheras before in my entire life , and had no experience nor knowledge about how to go there , I said okay . And the adventure begins . There’s just something magical about the unknowns . When you said yes to something unknown ,  you get the thrills and excitement of exploring somewhere you’ve never been to before . It might be end up to be a bad choice and sure there are a lot of risks but hey , at least you tried right ? I would have totally regretted it had I not made that trip . There’s this quote that goes something like this “ Try to fail is better than fail to try “ . So , tried I did . Relying on only some directions instructions from the net and friends , I embarked on the journey , alone , with the risks that I might get lost there , get robbed , and get cheated and etc ( since KL isn’t exactly famous for peace and security ) .

 Along the trip , a few unexpected things happened . One of my friend happened to be living near Cheras and was coincidently going back on that day itself . I was lucky to hitch a ride to there . However , I was still on my own on the journey back . I had this philosophy that if you really wanted something very badly , somehow , the universe will conspire to help you achieve them , by creating some roads of opportunities to walk on . Whether or not you take those opportunities is an entirely different story . So , all in all , somehow, everything went well , I got my product and I went back alone safely . It might be a simple story , but the period of solitary had taught me a lot . Maybe it’s just me , but whenever I went to for a trip alone , I always felt more at ease and discover more things about myself and my surroundings .

Anyhow , after getting that earphone , I was excited and came back to my senses . The old wound of regret still aches sometimes , but I have moved on to focus more on other stuff , like joining more competitions and exposing myself more to the world . I strongly believe that university is a place for you to earn holistic education , and to do that , one must always expose him/herself to variety of activities and events , not just to commit themselves to academics .That being said , in a way I am grateful for the opportunity to join that many contests , either by chance or by choice . Recently , someone said this to me “ If you’re going to success , you’re gonna fail first . This is the harsh , cruel reality , if you wanna go down this path ( entrepreneurship ) , you are bound to fail at your first try . So , why not fail earlier ? Learn to enjoy your failures , only then can you enjoy your successes “ . ;)