****
I thought , I had already left that world , I thought that I had finally managed to severe the any ties and bonds, both emotionally and physically between me and that world completely already. I thought that I had long abandoned that world.. that abyss filled with hopelessness,emoness, and other negative emotions . A void filled with nothing but emptiness.That, is that kind of world I once lived in. And a couple of months ago , I thought I had completely detached myself from it.
Or so I thought .. Apparently, i am wrong, and today, I am being dragged into that world again..
*****
Maybe I should have just stayed in my own comfort zone after all ? Maybe I really shouldn't have ventured outside that small little pond of mine and exposing myself to all the harsh reality and cruelty of the world? Maybe I should just stayed the same little pessimistic guy who keeps everything to himself , isolating himself from the rest of the world and just keeping his heart to himself ?
I dunno.. I really don't know now. Just a while back then, , I thought I had founded hope. In that dark , endless tunnel , lies a glisten of hope ,shimmering admists the surrounding darkness that tries to devour it . I tried to be optimistic , and I did succeed in it for awhile.. , having so much wishes and hopes for the coming future .. the things I wanna do after exam , the people I am gonna meet after exam ... everything seems to make sense at that point , it is just gonna turn out fine after exam.
But then , *bang* a loud noise is heard , and the light is gone . In the battle between darkness and light , darkness has prevailed . The ample darkness proved to be too much of an opponent for the fragile, small light .All of the sudden, the optimism disappeared , the voice of the optimistic drowned by the boos of sorrow , and the light ? what light ? Darkness has already engulfed the entire area and devoured any last remaining speckle of light. And the pessimistic took over ...
Why is life unfair? The optimistic in me would say that's because you did not look at it from the other point of view. Life is always fair.Everyone is imperfect , and everyone have talents of their own to substitute for that imperfection. It's just that it might take a lot of time for some people to discover their talents . The pessimistic would say that's cause life IS INDEED UNFAIR.u would just have to accept that some people looks better , more talented , and born with a silver spoon in their mouth. It's just luck.
Frankly , the logical and rational side of me would support that statement . Luck indeed plays a pivotal role in the world .I couldn't and wouldn't deny that . But how about the people who thinks they can change the world? grapping the destiny wheel in their hand and steering it towards their desired path ? That , i think would requires faith. I used to believe in it. The faith that eventually something good would happen and the light shall surfaces once more. but sometimes,it's just too hard to keep the faith.
****
I failed to understand how some humans can be so selfish ? To the extent of sacrificing others for their own benefits ? Or perhaps it is just me being too generous? Sometimes , too much of a good thing * in this case generosity * can be harmful. I need to learn how to say no .Some people might view such actions as taking advantages but no , for me I merely think that people who are doing it are either doing it unconsciously or are just plain insensitive about people's need. Today's incident is only the tip of the iceberg. Although it's nothing big, but it made me realise that if things were to be repeated on a larger scale, things could get ugly.
Next, a discussion with some people again made me realise how ugly and despicable some human natures coule be.First, I would like to point out that yes, I do respect and believes that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and comments . But hey, let's keep that to yourself k ? No one wants your opinions and comments so much that you need to shout and emphasise them over and over again alright ? especially negative comments , PLEASE DO KEEP THEM TO YOURSELVES . Let's be honest here, humans are selfish creatures.
We like to hear more good things about ourselves rather than bad things.So,pls people, if you have any negative comments , do keep it to yourself or put it in a less harmful way as a constructive criticism or something of similar vibe so that the people that is going to receive the comment felt less perturbed and insulted by it . U don't have to shove it up their faces and continue shooting . That is just plain rude and ridiculous , much more so especially when the one offering the comments is even worst than the one being commented .
I experienced this firsthand again today, albeit this is on a smaller scale. u see i have this "fren" of mine that is really vocal when it comes to giving comments and subsequently when asked to comment about one thing, she started shooting directly and continuously towards that particular thing.It's fine when one offers constructive criticism , but to shove it up one's face directly in front of the guy is just plain rude. Seriously , what the hell is wrong wif tis kind of people? U got some bad comments ? Keep it to your pathetic self !!
Enough is enough , I can't lie to myself anymore. I really do despise such people with attitude problem, much more so when he/she is having that " i am the best , everyone will die if i don't exist" attitude. Gosh, oh please look at the mirror and examine yourself before saying that . Learn to be sensitive please. Are you blind ?
Not to brag but I think I am much much better than you in terms of emotional maturity , physical strength , sensitivity to others and so much more I don't see why u have to stamp other people down , thinking that they are incapable of doing anything at all. And i did much more things than u could ever thought of in terms of being a gentleman and sacrificing for others. What do YOU know about it ? you know nuts. Oh, and the thought that you are likeable by all ? Save it for your dream please because the truth is, many people dislikes you. So, pls go find a deep hole and bury yourself in and dont ever come back and see the light again, coz you are that worthless in this world.
Gah, i am starting to hate everyone now . What is wrong with you all ? can't you people see the sensitive ,emotional part of others? Why am i the only one that seems to be aware of them? Heck, why do I even care ? Why am i caring so much for others ? The rest don't seem to give a damn at all ? SO why should I ?
Maybe this is a curse afterall, maybe I should learn to harden my heart and just turn a blind eye when I see someone is sad or gloomy.That way, I would be way happier I guess? Sacrificing myself for others just don't cut in.
What's the point really ? When I suffered all the agonizing pains and torturous wounds in my heart, and can just cry silently while others don't even appreciate what I did? It is retarded really, and they are not even my most beloved people. Thinking back , I even wondered why the heck did i do so much for just friends?
ahh the agony and dilemma of people. ~.~ hypocrisy ,egoism , and selfishness. There's so much that I learned today.There's so much that I wanted to express and say to some people, but unfortunately I can't coz there's no real way to tell someone " hey , i hate u " without hurting him/her right? I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want everyone to be happy. How hard is it for anyone to understand that ? Apparently, it IS hard coz no one seems to be able to share my wish =.-.
But it doesn't matter anyway... mutual agreement can never be reached . Only with compromise will peace be achieved. So, I will compromise.. Next time I go out , guess i will be more lenient to myself and care more about my own feelings and care less about others. Perhaps that will work ? yes? Probably! :) .
*****
The End.
If u did manage to read until here, congratulations ! I must congratulate you for ur painstalking effort of reading through that bunch of emo-istic rants and incoherent musings . It must have been hard. I mean, I myself couldn't even bare reading through it now. It is totally unsystematic and unneat at all. But hey,that's how rants should be right? :)
So , anyway , I just wanna say that the above post is written during one of my most turbulent mood swing.Therefore, metaphors and personification used above might be exaggerated and harsher than usual .Thus, do not simply assume or try to guess my personality from the passage above. If u think u know me though , think again, u dont :).
Oh and btw , one part of the musings above are only meant to be directed towards a certain someone who i don't think will ever touch this blog. So, unless you are a pathetic , fat female with a ego bigger than your head, worry not , the angers above are not directed towards u . But if you are , then , " Screw YOU " . Period . :)
Yes.. folks, it's THAT time of the year again.. Time where all the hustle and bustles of the city are being cast aside in favour of peace and tranquility . Time where all the busy people in the city seems to stop moving fast and start going at a slower pace.. It's the joyous occasion where people gather and unite ,forgive and forget , and celebrate and rejoice over the fact that we have survived yet another year...
Yes,it's CHRISTMAS!! Say hello to SANTA !!!
WOOO HOO
