...Numb....

Now i am numb,void of all emotions... happiness,sadness,boredom,loneliness, no ... all gone. Have u ever felt that ?that is what i call numbness.Having unable to express emotions is equal to being dead.I hated that. i loathe it... that feeling of being lonely .. and no shoulders to cry on, no one to share with .. Definitely that is a feeling worse than death.Pain ... it strike my heart.Having suffered this both mentally and physically, i do not realize who got this emotions too but .. the problem is how will someone ever survive this?ah.. i always hated the lonely emotion.the pain,.. the agony ..the terror.. I CAN'T bear it anymore! someone.. save me pls! what am i doing online everyday? it is like i am begging for mercy, hoping someone would notice me.... but the fact is ..life is merciless.All the attention i seek will never come to me.It is kinda awkward for me to be blogging such pessimistic topic on day light but well,the fact is i am numb now and i need to find some way to express it.

Lately i have been thinking a lot , msn is but a way to get alive for a short moment.It only gives you temporary escape to the illusionary joy of life.In the end,you will still be bored and alone.So what if u got a lot of contacts on9, do they actually Talk to u ? do they ? or do u just add them to show that " wow , i got a lot of contacts" that kind of thing.For me, it is either they talk , or get blocked ! man i am being merciless myself.Now, i really hope i never add those who i never talk with.I mean what is the point of adding anyone if they don't talk at all?It really doesn't make any sense at all! ah..desolation... i felt like dieing.. Now that i think about it,i realize i am a true idiot.It would be much better to know people face-to-face rather than crapping on the net. Ah . well... but it is true too that i can get a lot of good,new friends through net.

However,it is because of my incompetence to go out that i resorted to just stick in the house and just online.While i am wasting time here,some of my friends might be earning money,some of them might be studying and preparing for spm,some of them might be training for chess, and etc etc. Despite knowing all that, i am still here ... pondering and wondering the biggest question of universe: what is the meaning of life itself?