Forsaken love~

How do i start this?Hmm... everyone has their own story of their life i guess..I guess mine is starting to shape itself into existence.But even so.. obstacle is a must.I have been ransacking my mind lately.What have i become? I aspires to become something different.. someone special..someone unique but then again all this aspirations are just mere dreams,ain't they?Man i gotta learn how to express my thoughts.Not just choreograph them step by step but just think them out.Either way , just thinking of my aspiration and resolution just seems to get me down.Haiz, why izzit so hard to be someone else?But then again , thinking rationally,if it is so easy to be someone rich,someone handsome,someone talented , a jack-of-all-trades so easily, then there is no more logic to this world ,right?So,practically , i am just crapping now.It is april already... spm is approaching ..So near yet so far.Well all the pain and agony of studying might finally be put to rest at last. however , as i try to think of what to do after spm, a feeling of nostalgia surrounds me.It feels really nostalgic to suddenly think of ur school and all the memories just flowing bak.Somehow now , i do seem to have passion to study yet only have it when i hold the book.

All overflowing memories and feelings.I wonder what will happen if i let it out?Ah love love love , why must love exists? though it is forsaken, i do think of what will happen if it did work out?If ... all the probabilities are infinite.i can definitely voice out the infinite possibilities of IF.If i have that , if i did that .. if i .... owh just thinking that can already make my head explode.Now i do have a long term plan for success ^^ but i wonder will it work?Arg just think of it gets my adrenalin up.Maybe it is just me that thinks too much? What the future holds for me remains unseen but i do have a grasp of what it will end up if i don't start studying.Human mind .. really complex ain't it ? I am starting to see the point of learning biology and maybe chemistry too.Now if only i could apply the theory in the world.Then, all the intangible dreams of mine might be real after all.

One more thing , i hate parental consent.Everything also need my mom's consent.And tat being said , i truly hate being compared to other ppl.Everytime i ask my mom for permission to do something , she would always said " u see ler , ur fren X, never go out wan, y cant u stay at home and study?" everytime she said tat , i truly am pissed off! I mean come on! what does i got to do wif my other fren? WHo cares if he can study and he dont go out,tats his problem,I am I, I want to do what i like!Sometimes adults are just too unreasonable.They are once teens like me too.So,why cant they understand the anxiety and the excitement of going out wif friends?Bound with some superstitious belief.... I won't really wanna rebel completely against this kinda superstition but then again... some superstitious belief are just absurd.Now i have a choice to make.To go or not to go? Whatever the choice is , i hope it is gonna be right choice.I swear if i were to end up as a parent one day later, i won't be like any of my parent now.NEVER!