Reflection at 5a.m

As my eyes start widening,I yawn and groan with dismay,knowing that it is still early.Being the typical lazy guy I am,I started rolling back and forth in the bed and then closed my eyes again,hoping I can be in another deep slumber and hopefully getting a happy dream.Nevertheless,it seems that Lady Luck isn't smiling at me this time.After a few minutes of fidgeting around trying to go into the world of dreams,I finally accept the fact.I can't sleep.

Alright then,so the first logical thing one would do after waking up would be checking the time right?So,I took the watch beside me and look at the time.My eyes widened again,this time a little wider.

*****

It is 5a.m in the morning now and what the hell am I doing here?Good question.What on earth am I doing,waking up on this unearthly hour and switching on the computer ?Well,the truth is,I love unearthly hours.Whether it is the extremely ungodly hours such as 1 a.m in the morning or 5a.m now,I love them.I love them to every bits.

And why is this so?Somehow,I felt that at this extreme hours,I will be able to find peace and solace,knowing that no one else but me is currently awake now (o.k maybe there are other siao kias like me too but that's not the point here ).Here,waking up at this very hour,somehow makes me feel sheer bliss,absolute solace and definite peace.

I am kind of nocturnal type of guy.You know,the one that likes sleeping late at night.On the other hand,I seems to be diurnal too,waking up on this early morning and staying active.Alright,maybe switching on the computer and typing out some words isn't a very "active" thing to do.But well,at least my mind is sharp and crystal clear now.

Moving on,I find this kind of ungodly hours make me easier to think.Around this time,there would probably be no disturbance and annoyances surrounding you ( Heck,who would disturb you at 5am in the morning? )So,I guess this is the perfect time for me to reflect on things that are happening around my life now.

Right now,my life doesn't revolve around anything.Well,except that the fact that I put monetary gain as my highest priority now = ).And... well,while watching other friends going overseas,going colleges,busy working,I felt that I have somewhat become smaller , not in the sense of size,but something else.Something involving feelings,something involving sense of responsibility.Yeah ,that's it.

As one of the breadwinners of the family,as the only son , and more importantly as a normal human being, I realize that the onus is on me to be better in life,just to make life better for all of us,me and my family.Yet,at this very hour ,till today,I have yet to done anything significant.Sure,there are some random moments where I suddenly become productive but that is not the point.

What I mean is a long term plan.A plan guaranteed to provide financial freedom,health fitness,and a prosperous future.I find myself very small and rather insignificant compared to the rest of my friends out there,currently already started working for their future while me,I am still rather clueless about my own future.

In my eyes,I see many forks and turns,roads splitting into several branches,and I see an endless paths with an indefinite end awaiting me.I shuddered in dismay,feeling a chill of apprehension about my uncertain future.

Sigh,perhaps all this thinking will make me duller.Perhaps I should stop all this nonsensical thoughts,perhaps I should stop thinking at all !...Nawh,I guess for the time being,I will just stick around and wait. = )

Perhaps by just waiting and following the flow and rhythm of life would be the most natural thing to do.Maybe,by doing that, I might eventually stumble across the right path.=D

Either way,time is moving too fast right now,so fast that I can literally feel my body rotting away with time.Now isn't the time to be thinking about future stuffs like that,now is the time to work for it.Well,lets go,time to get productive = D.

For all others who are currently working their way up the stairways of life,I wish you guys and girls,the best of luck and may you all attain peace,happiness and a prosperous life =D.