Attachment.

Another day, another struggle.It has been almost 4 months since the end of spm.Life... haven't been too hard for me, nor was it too easy.I guess, it must have taken a toll on me.Spm, the supposedly life-changing experience that will dramatically improve or rather "evolve" my otherwise,simple and nondescript life did not seem to work it's magic.

My life retains the same without colours, it is still the same monochromatic colours that is painting my life story now,instead of all those colourful memories filled with bittersweet emotions and feelings.

The angst is still there, I do still throw tantrums occassionally. And of course,last but not least, the attachment ... is still there.I still remain clueless as where my future is heading, as of how am I supposed to live life,carrying this "burden" on my shoulders,and of course,how do I survive in the present remains a big mystery to me.

Not to say nothing productive have happened to me in the last few months. I took up guitar,my first musical instrument that I started learning,I worked ( albeit for a short terms only ),I read two novels and started to develop a passion of reading ( yeah, I did not really enjoy reading before ). and of course I started thinking seriously about my future.

I did learn a lot from this past few months.First and foremost,I learnt that in order to master something,discipline is needed,lot of discipline infact.This has been taught on me the hard ways by taking up guitar and working.

Never did I realise it would be this hard to learn something new without any guidance at all.There were plenty of times I thought of giving up and just give an excuse " I just wasn't born for this " but no... I persevered ...now , although I can't say that I am good at it, at the very least I learnt the basics of guitar.At the very least, I felt some sense of accomplishment for not giving up ! =D. As of working, I did discovered that in real life, it is really tough out there.

Things such as empathy,sympathy and other feelings are practically useless.It ain't an ideal world with protection out there.... Outside, it is a dangerous world,shrouded by mysteries and cloaked in a shadow..with strings being pulled almost everywhere. I ventured in once, and I stepped back,vowing never to step in again.

I admit , I lack enthutiasm and determination in working, but that is because the work I had wasn't involving my passions or interests at all.Still,it is of no excuse for my resignation.Well,at the very least , I shall remember this and think of it as a lesson so that I will not repeat the same mistake twice.

Moving on, nowadays, I find reading quite interesting. In fact , I have grown quite fond of reading that I have actually managed to read many thick books which I thought are strictly for nerds only that I never even will think of touching it before.Books are windows to our souls.Some books deserved readings as they would greatly improve your knowledges and intellect.

Next,my future.This is where I fell. I have completely had it.I was once dominated by the thoughts of it.It was too much for my humble brain to interpret.The possibilities are simply endless.I started thinking about some paths that will lead me overseas.

However, I soon realise by doing so, I have been restricting myselfs of other alternatives.Soon, although reluctant, I tried to open up by looking at the other point of view.What da ya know? It is a completely new world there.I can't even begin to descibe the possibilities.The sky's the limit.For now, I have decided that I will follow where the wind takes me.

In retrospect,along this few months ,although the passage of time was marching on relentlessly, I kept stumbled in between,regularly turning my head to look at the past.The memories of the past clearly remains a large attachment that keeps me from going on.I tried to let go,only to let it haunt me back again..

I tried embracing it,only to discover it was too much of a pain to bear.Forsaking it means I will be letting go of my past,those fun-filled schooling days, those adolescence memories.Still, the past remains a double-edged sword.However one tries to avoid it ,behind those happy stories lies some sad and sappy one.

Who could forget those gloomy days filled with terrors and fears?Who could forget the pain and agony of having any form of rejection? I know I can't.

Perhaps it would be the best to silently bear the pain while keep moving on.Hopefully the years ahead will show me a path where I will attain happiness and escape those tragic stories once and for all.I shall remain positive for now.Definitely the ray of hope will shine through this mist of darkness,and along it brings happiness,joy and peace to all.

May the days ahead be well... for you and me. =D

Random ba.

Well,seems like nothing big has been happening lately,oh yeah besides the big hole on my wallet that seems to be growing bigger day by day.Having no big events happening around lately, there is nothing for me to blog too.

However,seeing my blog ending up with all those long-winded,emotional,wordy posts kinda make me felt bad. I never wanted to bring this blog into the dark,emotional atmosphere it is in right now.In fact, I started out blogging by having the initial plan to wanting to express all my happiness and joy in the blog in a light-hearted and sharing the joy manner =D.

Hence,it is kinda depressing that my blog is all wordy and boring now.So,this post is specifically served to reverse the dark ,gloomy atmosphere looming around here.

Btw,this is completely random. After being on some blog-hopping for a while, I found tags very amusing.

Tags,or some sort of questionnaire that is being spreading in this blogosphere are very interesting alright.I mean,who wouldn't be amused by those funny questions and equally funny and random answers ppl gave?Throughout my experience in reading many of the tags done by friends or fellow strangers, I find it very entertaining and fun.

So,now... instead of getting tags from others, I decide to MAKE MY OWN TAG (and answering them myselves oso lol ) !=D AHA!
Alright here goes nothing.

* TAG *
First of all,tags will always start with one of the most random and stupidest question ever.So,

1) Are you in front of computer right now?
No, I am in the bathroom,doing this tag in front of a mirror. ( I know,doesnt make sense right? bt who cares )

2) What are you doing right now? ( the most common question in tags )
Doing this damn tag

3 ) If you are given a chance to reverse your life,will you go back to the past ?
Yeah,absolutely and no ,maybe nt.

4) What do you envision yourself doing in a few years?
Sitting in front of my monitor blogging.

5) What have you been doing in this past few years?
Nothing

6) What is your favourite activity?
Sleeping

And then.. in tags.. usually there are some compulsory ,almost a must ,questions...They are ... *jeng jeng jeng* love questions! !


7) Are you in a relationship with somebody now ?
Nawh.

8) Do you love someone now?
No , i don't love someone, i love many ones.

9) If you are able to change one of your characteristic/physical abilities,which one would u change?
Everything.

10) Do you believe in love?
yeah gua. Maybe =D

11) list 5 things tat u like about urself
I am a gud sleeper . I can eat a lot. I can sleep a lot. I dunno wat else i can say.

12) list 5 things tat u hate about urself
I am short .
I am lazy
i am very lazy.
i sleep a lot
i eat a lot.

Alright,due to laziness, I shall stop now.....Lame=.- yea i know . Sigh, to those that have interests in doing tags, do do it la =D . See the buddy list on the right ? >>>

Yeah I tag you guys and gals. =D Hope to see your tag results :O

Blank White.

I struggled to wade through the pools of water on the ground.It was dark and gloomy,surrounded by a brooding atmosphere.More than that,it was dead silent,so silent that one could practically hear every sound,includes that of even a dropping pin.

All of a sudden,I sense droplets of water rolling down my cheek.Was it rain or my tears?

***

Well,as dramatic as it might sound,it is really that dramatic.Well,it didn't go too bad.I reap what I sow.The results are exact reflection of my efforts.Something that actually equal to what I had put in.

It is exactly what I deserved.It is neither too bad or too good.Just average,mediocre.I had expected this to happen actually.Someway down the road while doing the examination,I had anticipated this.2 B's isn't actually very degrading for some,but for me it is really kinda disappointing.

However,what is done is done.No point regretting over the past.Just keep moving on.Sigh,lame .I hate what I am writing right now,it sounds so cliche'. Always the same thing,history repeating itself over and over again.

One thing I really don't understand ,why must we study the things that we don't like?Why must the education system be like this?As much as I hate to repeat it, I must insist that based on current education system,luck do play a role in determining the grades.

That being said,I shall not find excuses for myself ,nor shall I cower in fear and shame before facing others.I get what I deserved but I am neither proud nor am I shameful of the results.It is just another passing thing.

This too,shall just pass.. disappearing in people's memories sooner or later.Like I said earlier,spm isn't really a suitable benchmark for people's intelligence.At the end , the computer generated results are undebatable,not that I am denying the efforts of labours of those who achieved high scores.

It is just that,I am implying that it might be unfair to some of them.Behind the thick curtain of politics and shadows of government,who knows what happened?Many of people's achievement might just went unsung and we wouldn't even notice.

That is the crucial point.So,it is actually very biased form of judgment of our mental abilities.But all this will practically means nothing once you started working.At the end of the day,only our careers matters and our past education accolades will just went unsung.

Alright,guess enough is enough.All this rantings will go down the drain now =D.It is over at last.Now,new challenges await.I swear I won't repeat the same mistakes twice.

Hereby wishing all that scored well, congratulations and to those that did not do so well,life still goes on =D .I don't see why we should stop.

Lastly,to those that are soon facing this horrible examination (and of course, other examinations such as STPM too :P ), best wishes and good luck =D.

Everything

"What lies in yourself,only you but no one else can discover it. The sky's the limit = D"

Well,thats it,folks =D .Tomorrow is the big day.Yeap,tomorrow is the day where the fruits of our labours and efforts will be revealed. Tomorrow is the day where SPM results will be revealed .

It is strange how time passes so fast.It feels just like yesterday I just finished the last paper and yet tomorrow the results will be revealed.

I would be lying if I say I wasn't even a bit concerned with it ,much less being anxious and worry over it,However, the fact is, the results aren't actually that important.I mean,sure at this point of life, getting a great results would do much to your life,perhaps securing you a scholarship or two.

But if ,perhaps let's just think in a broader perspective.What will happen to those who didn't score well?Do they have to commit suicide?Is it the end of road?Well,the answer is a definite no.

All that matters is when one venture into adulthood and started working,getting the right career will be the most important.Next time,people won't be asking how many A's you scored,but rather what are you working as now?

That being said,of course in order to attain a great career,a solid education background is needed.So,in the end,the results still matters huh ? =D hahaha. What a complete paradox.Either way,I think i am prepared to accept the truth more or less.

In this past few months,I have been exposed to a lot of things that definitely help groom me in one way or another.What I view has definitely changed my pointview.

Some of the things that I actually learned are,sometimes hardwork alone isn't sufficient,it is the determination that makes all the difference =D.

And in the real world,it is crucial to learn the ability to choose the right people.One wrong step and you might end up getting yourself a lot of disasters.

There are too many things that the world has to offer.It is simply impossible to learn them all,or rather there are simply not enough time to do that.Therefore,learn to cherish time,appreciate things that are still here,and not take them for granted.

I also learned that it is memories and trusts that bond people together.The time that we spent together doesn't really matter that much.It is the memories we shared that are of utmost important.

Recalling the past experience,and expecting the future hurdles that I had yet be able to envision,I think it is best to embrace present.We won't know what might happen tomorrow,so why worry?Just cherish this moment.

Tomorrow will be another passing day.Good luck guys and girls! = ]

Reunion

" We might not recognize each other anymore... She is taller, He is bigger.And we might not even talk at all.The dead silence seems to be around with the brooding atmosphere.The tension was clearly felt as the cold war between us continues.... "

Or at least,that's what I had thought and worried...

The night before this, my heart was pounding with excitement and ironically,accompanied by a bit of fear and worries.Deep within my mind,I still can't relieve my worries.I fear that the problems I had imagined earlier will become reality and the reunion thing will become my worst nightmare.

This morning, I awoke with mixed feeling.A part of me can't wait to see the former schoolmates that I haven't meet for the past 5 years,yet A part of me still can't stop worrying about how it will turn up.

Yes,you heard it correctly.Apparently,for some weird reasons,we,my primary schoolmates did not even contact each other for 5 whole years.After our primary school life, we each walked our own separate ways,and bid each other farewell,saying that we will meet again soon. But it did not happen...,well not at least till now =D.

While it is nice knowing that you will meet back your old friends,on the other side, I felt a bit weird,or should I call it adventurous ,since for 5 whole years, we did not meet each other.I am pretty sure we will all change,a lot.5 years,especially is a long time for someone to change,So,it will probably be like a meeting with some new people.

People change,both physically and mentally.Given 5 years,how much can one change?I can't help but wonder,how would it be , if the same guys that you used to talk too,laughing and crying along with,had a sudden change of character? What if they change so much that we can't even recognize each other?

However,apparently as it turns out,I have nothing to worry about at all =D.Although our physique and physical appearance may change,deep inside, we are still the same old schoolmates,playing around and laughing like some fools,exactly the same in the past.

With this reunion,the nostalgias from the past has finally caught up,and now we can slowly reminisce about the good old days we used to spent together last time, and talking about the wind of change that we had experienced,together with our plans for the future.

For me,it was fun and definitely a memorable experience.I shall engrave this beautiful piece of memory in my brain,forever carrying it even till my deathbed.With this,I finally came to a conclusion.

It isn't the time that we spent together that matters most,it is actually the memories that we made that bonds us together,now and forever,being the most important thing in our entire life .=D

Hence,I shall forever treasure and cherish these memories,making them my most precious treasure that I shall never exchange for anything.

Thank you guys,lets reunite once more when we are free = ].