Revenge of the conjunctivitis.

People usually take things for granted,only when they lost those things do they start to yearn for them. I have always hold this quote as one of my absolute truths.But today it proves to be more significant than ever.

Here we go again, just when i thought conjunctivitis is finally gone from my life,it strikes back,and fate would have it that it would strike at the worse possible time, the last day of my holiday . Man... you sure know when to hit me huh , red eyes ? right at my lowest point.

If you have been following my blog * which is very rare , I assume that the only one that have been really following my blog is none other than yours truly lol*, you would have known that Conjunctivitis is my old nemesis, and have always been one of my worst enemy.And it wouldn't be wrong to say that conjunctivitis is the worst disease ever to befall me!!! Not only does it renders me useless and immobile * in the sense that the sudden loss of eyesight, the consistent recurring throbbing on my left eye , and the treatment being the need to rest my eye the whole day and just lie down and do nothing but sleep *

To an active person who always seek to do productive stuff like me , it definitely have to be the worst thing ever to just lie down and do nothing , with full realisation that time is ticking and I am wasting it.It is one of the most dreadful feeling ever, lying down on the cold,hard,bed in a dark, devoid of light room, ALONE!

I just realized that the feeling of being alone is thousand times worst than any other feeling in this world.But then again, in every dark clouds, there are bound to be some silver linings...

I am grateful to this disease too.. for due to it , that I have finally rediscovered the wonderful feeling of family bonds.. In times of despair and pain,only does on know who truly cares and who don't..Thank you mom, for being the beautiful soul you are..

Steve Jobs

Today (5/10/2011) the world mourns the passing of a great man. A legendary visionary, a genius who was brave enough to think differently , bold enough to embrace to take actions to do it , and talented enough to accomplish them. And his actions , has changed the world.

This man is none other than the co-founder of Apple Inc , the man behind the countless epic innovations of iPad, IPhone and other Apple products, Steven Paul Jobs , better known as Steve Jobs.

It's amazing how news flow and stereotype works. I had never been interested in this man's news or biography before his passing. Nor do I know him personally or worship him as my idol. All I knew was that he's a giant star in tech industry and that he rules over the phone and computer tablets market as the CEO of Apple.

But moments after his passing , more and more people became interested in his life stories, me included. It's ironic how people only want to know more about someone only after his/her passing , the same goes for the recent passing of Michael Jackson . Perhaps the way media publicises their death got something to do with it ? Anyhow, I am glad that I looked up into his stories.

It turned out to be one of the most inspirational stories I have ever read.His life is a chaotic mix of brilliance and tragedies. One of the quotes regarding working experience with him summed it best " The highs were unbelieveable , but the lows were unimaginable ". As I slowly indulge more into his life stories , I eventually became more and more captivated by it. How he dropped out from university, how he got fired from the company he created , and how he stood up again , overcoming all those shortcomings ,making one of the best comebacks in the tech industry ever ,back to the helm at Apple and eventually leading it to be one of the biggest company in the world.

As with other talented geniuses, beneath every success stories , every single one of them seems to have some personal problem that haunts them. * MJ with his alleged child abuse * , it was reported that Steve seems to have an egomaniac attitude and was a control freak. It was also purported that he had a strained relationship with his colleagues , families and friends. But then again, it was just a claim . What he does at home, how he treats his subordinates and families, only people concerned would know.Simply subscribing to the articles written by the mainstream media is a suicidal act. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from digesting all materials / articles related to Steve. The inquisitive side of me had got better of me and I just kept on digesting every piece of news and articles I came across in the net.

It was all very mesmerizing. I love reading biographies ,especially those of big,talented people. And this one is particularly appealing.It was amazing how these people can find the strength to overcome those shortcomings and make it back up, to the top of leader of success. Just reading their stories inspires me.

In the end, the conclusion is.. no matter what was written about Steve, one truth remains is that his actions has changed the world , altered the way we look at technologies. His vision of combining aesthetic taste of art and technological advances has succeeded. As he puts it in his own words "It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating." , the way he feel about arts.He did what many failed , went into uncharted water , challenged Microsoft , IBM ,Google, and other industry giants head on and won , revolutionising portable computers, tablets, mp3 players and other technological gadgets with the innovation of iPhone, iMac, iPad and iPod.

It's just amazing how one man, single-handedly accomplished so much... And as I went on with my little " research " , I found one of the most inspiring video of all times , depicting his commencement speech in Stanford University. I strongly encourage that you spare some time to watch it , please , ladies and gentlemen , if you do have some free time, I implore you , no i insist , that you watch this video. If you are in need of a motivation or inspiration , then you need to watch this even more.


There are a few quotes there that truly hit me, and resonates with me -

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

"Stay hungry , Stay foolish "

Now, as I digest the meanings behind those words , I look back and reflect upon my past. Indeed.. I have been looking backwards,living in someone else's for far too long... I suppose there is no point chasing after a falling star. Perhaps it was never meant for me. Yet , I always had this compelling desire to repeat my foolish mistakes.

Now, looking at his stories and reading this quote, one question presents itself to me from the depths of my heart . " Do you wanna keep on standing still or move on to change the world ? " That has made all the difference, I hope.. The answer should be clear by now :)

Thank you Steve Jobs , for touching the lives of so many people , me included. Although it's a little late, I am glad that I get to read your stories and watch your inspiring speech delivery. My deepest condolences to your family and friends.. R.I.P Steve Jobs.

Home

It has been a month since I entered university... and this is my second time going back home. Ah..home sweet home. People usually take things for granted, only to yearn for it when they are gone. Sad to say , the same applies to me. As I mentioned before in my previous post , the clothes that cleans themselves everyday , the never ending supply of snacks and food in refrigerator , the privacy of being alone. All these little conveniences that were found at home, vanished instantly when I stepped into the hostel.

There, I learned tolerance , acquired the ability to compromise and live with others and sometimes, it is nice to have a friend or two to be there when you feel bored or need some entertainment. Though, truth to be told, I still prefer the privacy and the precious moments of being alone at my home. Being away from home is a journey to find one's self. No, a more apt description would be the journey to rediscovering myself.

I had always wanted to break away from the norm.The conventional path of going to USM *the closest uni to my hometown , which is basically within driving distance * did not appeal to me at all.In fact,the very thought that I would be staying with the same old clique, doing the same thing over and over again, and staying in the same tiny island for years more to come, makes me dread going there.Henceforth, I applied for UM ... and I have to say , getting it is one of the best gift from heavens.

I learned so much in this one month. In fact, I think I learned more in this one month than my entire 10 years or more of formal education or more in Penang. Not that I would ridicule my beloved home or anything, but it is in my humble opinion that if you chose to stay where you are ,at this rate , you won't be going anywhere. And it is in my best interest that if I were to step out from my comfort zone , I would be able to discover more and learn more practical things which I can't learn in textbooks.

In this one month, I met alot of people from all walks of life. Friends from as far as Sarawak ,Sabah , and even a foreigner from China. All from different race, colour , creeds or even country, congregating in UM with a single goal in mind, education . I wouldn't dare say that all these people from all walks of life would be able to come together as one, living together unitedly and harmoniously . There are obvious social stigmas that divides the groups according to their races, for example, chinese , malay and india being the most influential ethnic groups there. But then again, apart from this usual scenario , there are a few people that truly advocates 1Malaysia concept and truly portrays this in their daily actions . And these people, are a very friendly bunch that mixes with everyone.

And then of course there are some bad apples even among us Chineses , people who are socially inept or should I say awkward ? Eventhough on the surface, everyone seems to live together harmoniously and peacefully , but as with everywhere else, the behind the scenes reveals that there are hidden conflicts everywhere. Here, I learned to mix around with everyone , albeit to a certain limit. I am not sure how my friendship here will progress but I am pretty sure it won't be as it is back in secondary school . Everyone virtually knows each other here, or should I say recognize each other? But there are cliques everywhere , and I am having difficulty finding the perfect clique for me.

For example , there are cliques that hang out with me when I go gym , cliques whom are my coursemates when I study , cliques that plays badminton .. and much more. It's like for every activity, there are different sort of people you will need to mix with. Of course, being able to mix with everyone is a good and advantageous thing , but still I still feel a void deep within my heart, my inner voice calling out to me to fill it, to find the clique whom I truly fits in , the place where I would be most at ease and shout out " This is where I belong" whenever I am with them. I have yet to come across that special clique yet, but hopefully I would be able to find them soon :).

On a side note, coming here made me realize that relationships shouldn't be rushed. It would be futile if you fall for every infatuation that strikes you. As one of my favourite quote goes " If you don't stand for something, you would fall for anything " . So, yeah... I have decided not to go after anyone in this few years to come unless I really did have a very strong feeling for her. It saddens me whenever something triggers the memories of my past relationships , past failed relationships, should I add. Then again, is it really that important? Can one live without love? Obviously the answer is not. But love can not only be derived from couples alone, there are alternative ways to obtain love.. and being desperate and pathetically seeking out someone certainly isn't the right way. So, let it be. If she belongs to me, no matter where she go , she will still come back to me :) If it's not, then let it go .

I digressed. Now, the bus journey back home from KL to Penang would take a minimum of 5 hours and would drop a bombshell of rm 70 per trip *back and forth* on my wallet. I used to complain a lot on this matter, especially the long, mundane trip that wastes 5 hours . But today, I did not feel bored at all. In fact, I felt a sense of peace, solace even, in my heart when I board the bus. Guess it's the feeling of anticipation ? The feeling of relief that I have finally come back home, to my beloved abode . The place where I truly belong?

I wonder. There are times where I felt better staying in KL too. Truth to be told . I didn't really miss my family members that much. What I truly missed are the conveniences of home. The material possessions and sense of privacy that I owned back at home. Through this journey , I discovered that though I may look to be very outgoing , vocal and even hyperactive at times , I do enjoy the solace and precious moments when I am alone. It allows me to reflect on my surroundings and focus my thoughts on what really matters. It allows me to hear my inner voice more clearly , and to answer them.. That is of the most importance I guess.. Everything else is secondary.

It is ironic how busy I am during the weekdays in KL but so bored and dull in the weekends. And though everyday seems to be a blur and the hustles and bustles during the weekdays took a heavy toll on my body , I am still actively participating in club and hostel activities.Guess that's my way of stopping my mind to be thinking too much ? Making myself busy and forget about everything else.

Despite all that, I find tremendous solace and relief in blogging and conveying my thoughts perfectly during my "ownself" moments like this. Arghh I am finding myself harder and harder to be understood. Perhaps a little more soul-searching is needed.

And with this, I end my pointless rant here. Now, I shall retreat to my tempting bed and let everything go. 2 more days to enjoy in my sweet home before going back to the warfield :). It's time to escape reality and move on to the Dream World :) . Good nite world.

UM

Ahh.. has it really been 3 weeks already? Gosh, time do fly when one is having fun. It has been a very exciting 3 weeks indeed , with I having the best ride on the most fluctuating emotional roller coaster ever.

These 3 weeks have been filled with so many emotions starting with anger, pain , despair , to joy, mirth , happiness, and undoubtedly, excitement. It was unbelievable how chaotic it was when it started , and how it slowly morphed into a beautifully painted picture now , albeit still an incomplete one .

After 3 weeks of observation and analysis, I think it is safe to assume that I will be having a very wonderful journey ahead , filled with much joy, happy surprises and much more positive emotions. I am so glad I chose UM. And to be given a chance to be a part of this harmonious "family" , I have to say, I am indeed very lucky and blessed. Thanks a lot to the higher authorities in this universe :).

The best thing about this uni, and in particularly my hostel, which is KK 7 , is that we are all like a family here, and I do believe we have the best CC (chinese community club ) ever ! The seniors here are so friendly and sociable , and the fact that they are really sincere in offering their help just make it all the better. Then , there's the first years ... they weren't that scary or unfriendly people that I had anticipated.. though there are a few bad apples among them , most of them are fine and it turned out to be a good thing , as then we ( the good apples ) get to discuss and gossip about the bad apples ! XD

Though all of them came from different backgrounds and from all walks of life, yet ,like a melting pot, they still manage to live together peacefully and harmoniously. And to be able to be a part of them , just knowing this gives me boundless feeling of gratitude and appreciation towards what I have.

But then again, like everything else, there's always two side to a coin . And hence, there are some cons in UM , one of them being the fact that most of the people here are from matriks and chinese-ed ,hence their proficiency in English Language aren't that good. While I confess that I myself am not proficient in it and there are indeed some of the people here that speak really good English , I am making a general statement here ,citing the fact that most of them speaks mandarin mainly and could only manage a few words in broken english, The very fact that even some of the lecturers and people who holds authority in higher positions do that truly surprises me .

Having immersed in this local environment , I was forced to speak mandarin almost everyday here , resulting in deterioration of my English proficiency. Though , this is not necessarily a bad thing as I am improving my command of Mandarin.

Secondly , coming here made me realise that I am deprived of alot of things. Those things that I normally take for granted at home, for example , endless supply of food/snacks, clothes that are magically cleaned , and even my daily supply of newspaper .They are all not easily available here.Coming here truly opens my eye. The need to compromise and practice tolerance with others are highlighted even more here as I am sharing room with 2 other people.Though, I believe this experience will make me be more independent and a lot tougher in the future.As the saying goes, whatever doesn't kill ,simply makes you stronger right? :)

Now.. there are still a few things that I would like to review here.. but however, I am having a writer's block right now and can hardly think of anything , so I will just be ending my short rant about UM here. Whatever it is, one thing's for sure, I am very glad I chose UM , the experiences here are very enriching , and the atmosphere here... superb! There will definitely be alot more interesting and fascinating experience to be shared in the near future.. so, do look forward for it ! :)

Start of the uni life

Ah.. finally.. I am here at long last. I have finally reached University of Malaya, Malaysia’s most prestigious and premiere university , the university which was ranked 167^th in the QS world ranking just recently , a fact which I was forced to hear repeatedly over a course of 1 week.

*****

On the day of arrival , I was down with the eye disease, again. Yes, it was the same eye disease that has haunted me from the past ,the Recurrent Cornea Erosion . They say, if one is infected repeatedly by the same disease over and over again , one would acquire sufficient knowledge about that particular disease that rivals or even exceed that of the medical specialist regarding that disease. How true it is ! After falling victim to this sickness for so many times, I have already acquired enough knowledge about it to even write a book pertaining it. The symptoms , the adverse impacts it had, the medicines required to treat it. I knew it all.

As such , I knew that it would take at least 3 days to allow partial recovery of vision , 4 days to subside the pain , and 5 days to recuperate completely. It was only the second day , and I had to enter K.L in that condition , with my left eye being partially blind , with scorching pain coming up the moment I tried to open It , due to the skin abrasion and laceration of my lower lid that covers my cornea. Either way , it was because of that , I looked like a totally retarded person who have to close my left eye and relying heavily on others for the entire journey to K.L.

Luckily, with the help of my kind friend and my beloved mother, I made it to University of Malaya at last on the 4^th of September 2011. Still awed and amazed by how technologically advanced and progressive K.L is compared to Penang,I expect UM to provide an equal amount of surprise and shock as well. And I am glad it did. Being the most premier university in Malaysia, it lives up to its reputation by introducing a very systematic way of categorizing and organizing students. The orientation week was superb, and it does live up to its status of the oldest university of Malaysia with its culture and traditions shown during the orientation week.

I have to say UM’s orientation week is indeed very unique and I dare say it’s one of the kind orientation that can only be found in UM . Let me try to convey what I had experienced earlier in the past week. Though mere words alone cannot do justice to it , but bear with me and lend me your eyes as we journey through this special chapter of my life.

****

First of all , our hostels are known as Residential Colleges ( RC ) and there’s a grand total of 12 RC’s in UM, each having their own cultures and traditions. These RC’s are diverse and unique in the sense that all of them are built in different time period and every facilities in them are different . For example, the latest RC being built is RC 12 , which boasts a modern infrastructures and even an elevator to ease the mobility of the residents in this 12-floor architectural wonder.Then, there’s RC 2 which was situated at the hillside and RC 1 that were meant to house medical and law students only . RC 1 is the first RC to be built , being the oldest and thus having the ancient architectural look of the olden days . Most of the RC’s are in good condition still.

I have the privilege to stay at RC 7 or otherwise known as College Tunku Za’ba. Oh yeah, a point worth mentioning, every RC is named after a certain influential figure in history , e.g RC 3’s alternative name is College Tunku Kurshiah, and so forth. Now,what’s so special about this RC system is that in the orientation week. Each RC is pitted against each other as there will be a lot of inter-college competitions that would span activities such as cheering * which is compulsory for all students to participate in * , sports such as badminton, sepak takraw, netball ,and artistic competitions such as English Songs singing competition , nasyid , sketches and debates * I had the honour to participate in the British style parliamentary English debate , which I find to be a really fulfilling and enjoyable experience. * . So , the competition was fierce, especially when it comes to cheering competition.

Apparently , my college was known to have secured the trophy , the champion trophy for the cheering competitions for 5 years already , so now it was my batch’s turn to guard our college’s reputation and live up to the standard. The orientation week was very tough as in the first few days of orientation , we barely get more than 4 hours of sleep . We were forced to practice the cheers of our college * every RC have their own distinctive and unique cheers * every single day .. and mind you , there are like 5 or 6 different type of cheers . Even after that sleep deprivation , we were treated very badly by the Pembantu Mahasiswas (PM as we would refer to them, they are the facilitators of the orientation week and essentially our senior and the people in charge of us the whole week. Again, every RC have their own PMs . There are 28 PMs in my college ) They were strict, very strict , sometimes to the point where it would be too much for us to handle. Everytime one of the students were late for a particular activity or meeting, the entire residents ( i.e us, the freshies ) will get punished. According to them , it’s to cultivate the spirit of unity. And there were loads of other punishments and actions in which you get virtually get trampled by them and just have to suck up to them. Every single day we would sleep at around 1 , get up around 5 to do exercise , then proceed on to hear long,winding speeches , and then get back to practice cheers. Such were the misery we were subjected to.

Either way , these entire hellish activities continued for 6 days.. until one more day before the entire thing will end. On the last night before the last day, there was something special. The PMs who have been treating us badly turned worst. They were practically fuming at us , no matter what we did. Every single mistake, no matter how tiny or miniscule they were , none of them escapes their eye, and we were scolded and punished like we just did something unforgivable to them . And at the night , at around 12 midnight , we were assembled to watch a big “drama” . All the PMs took turn to scold us , to nag at us, to make us feel like we are the most worthless, useless creatures in the earth ,saying that they already dedicated 4 months of their time prior to this orientation to welcome us, how they sacrificed their time and effort to prepare the best activities for us, how they spent countless sleepless night to anticipate us.. and all their efforts being wasted because we did not commit ourselves fully and to do the cheer.After ranting it off in a fashion similar to how a heartbroken girlfriend would after breaking up, the PMs stormed off into an enclosed room , with their final words being “ I don’t care about you all anymore, do anything you want ! “ and we were left alone… or so we thought. At that exact time, suddenly a senior of our senior suddenly came to the rescue . Dubbing themselves as “super seniors” they questioned us, asking what on earth did we do to make their juniors *i.e our PMs* so heartbroken and angry ? Of course, all of it was just an act. . I know this might sound superficial in words but trust me, if you are there, you would certainly feel the heat too Their acting was very exaggerated and the entire drama would make you feel like you are in a real life , tv scene where we were in the climax of the show and this is the suspenseful part.

Though their scripts were corny and their actings were , at best, mediocre , there are still some that fell for it. There are some , females especially that really was hit by a pang of guilt , and were really convinced that they disappointed their beloved PMs and cried their hearts out. Of course , only a handful of them realized it was a tradtion of the orientation that has been passed down by generations , but that’s beside the point.

I digressed. Anyway, after that incident ended, we were forced to retire to our beds, with most of the students still feeling unease over the entire ruckus . In the end , we slept… for 2 hours , because at the unearthly time of 4 am , we were being awoken by the PMs . The supposedly , emotionally depressed and disappointed PMs, knocked on our doors with enthusiasm of a child getting their first toy . So, we woke up.. and get punished again. And of course.. to do cheers .

But this time it was different , most of the students that had fall prey to the little “sketch “ that those PMs put up the night earlier was burning with enthusiasm , with a newfound spirit to impress their PMs and to gain forgiveness from them , they did the cheer enthusiastically and fiercely.

Finally, the main event arrived . The final cheer showdown at the Dewan Tunku Chancellor . Everyone was tense a few minutes before it began. Fears of losing starts to elude them . But they did not worry,for as soon as the competition started , we literally clinched the title. The atmosphere was electrifying . The whole affair lasted for over an hour . Some were tired, exhausted, and some had lost their voice due to cheering too loud , yet we continued cheering and still raring to go for another round, all but for a reason . A silly reason . Because everyone else was doing the same thing ;).

The event that night truly highlights the spirit of unity and pluralism. As the motto of our RC , “Kita Bersatu” ( United we stand ) implies, we truly live up to it. That night, we were truly united , disregarding the fact that we come from different race ,creed or colour. That amazing feeling that night , those powerful emotions.. I dare say none of us that night would trade it for anything else in the world . That’s how awesome that night was J In the end, we were declared the winner of the cheer competition. As one of our PM mentioned earlier , true to his words , the instant we received that news, our hearts sprang to joy , all the fatigues and pain we felt in the past few days disintegrated instantly , instead filling the void with immense feeling of victory .

One Day

Ah.. it's amazing how time passes so fast . In a blink of an eye, 9 months has passed by and now I am one day away from leaving my beloved home sweet home, Penang to the metropolitan , urban city , K.L. And it must happen to be that on this particular big day, that I would be stricken sick with my eye disease , the cornea erosion , And so , here I am , having the need to rest my eye and can do nothing at all on my last day in Penang . But then again, I couldn't contain the urge to blog this story out , inspired by Wongfu production's video , When Five Fell. It's amazing how the intricately designed story and meaningful messages ,coupled with some creativity would merge together so well , producing such a splendid video. After watching that, I decided to flex my writing skills abit by writing an original romance story which you can check out at the post below :P. There's not much time left to say anything .. I am still very anxious and nervous about my journey in the next day and my eye disease , but there's nothing much I can do except pray and hope for the best. So, here I am blogging my last post before leaving for K.L.

May I be able to attain happiness, joy and love there and may the same blessing reach out to my fellow friends who will be leaving soon too. All the best to all of you and thanks for being the great friend you are . Good Luck ! .

Him & Her

She was like the small sunshine that brightens his day. With medium-long,beautiful , jet black hair, pearl white complexion , and a dazzling smile , she was like the angel that made a wrong turn to earth. A perfect heaven-sent gift from God.But it wasn't always like that ....

*****

The first time they met , it wasn't quite a love at the first sight.Rainee has a friendly face, not drop dead gorgeous ,not a head turner that would grab every guy's attention and make them lust for her ,no not that type. Hers was more to a classic, timeless beauty . A beautiful , friendly , demure-looking girl with a dazzling smile. That was his first impression of her. Alex, on the other hand , was just your Average Joe, heck , he wasn't even fit to be average , you could say he was slightly below average with his scrawny body , pale complexion filled with tons of zits ready to explode at any time and a short stature he was nothing a girl would want in an ideal guy, much less desire.Nevertheless , both Alex and Rainee had this inexplicable good vibes for each other.

The second time they met. they were much more chatty . Having recognized each other, both tried to inquire more about each other and conversation started flowing.Words fell out from their mouth naturally and conversations flowed smoothly. It turns out Rainee was a shy introvert , the usually quiet and reserved girl that keep things to herself. Alex was the complete opposite , a sunshine boy , the outspoken extrovert that wouldn't hesitate to voice out whenever it was possible.Despite the obvious oxymoron , the juxtaposition of both Rainee and Alex turns out to be surprisingly well. Before they knew it , they couldn't stop talking .They chatted in every medium possible , from msn , to sms and to real life , they talked about every topic possible under the sun , from the common girl-guy relationship topic , to games and some personal secrets that they both shared, nothing escapes their discussion.Though, most of the time, the main topic that fuels their discussion is music , their only common topic. Despite having different sets of personalities and character, both enjoyed their conversation immensely.

Needless to say ,this cycle repeats itself everytime they meet , and soon enough , without realizing it , their friendship grew and they went from complete strangers to best friends. At the mere age of 15 . both of them have yet to experience love and have no idea what is that magical and most powerful emotion that resides within human heart is .However,it is said that girls reach puberty and mature faster than guys. Slowy but surely , Rainee began to feel something , she began harbouring feelings towards Alex . It was more of an infatuation than love but it was strong feeling nevertheless.Yet ,Alex, being the young , immature and naive boy he was at that time, have no idea why she acted differently at that point. Rainee tried to gave subtle hints and treat him differently in hope that he would reciprocate her feelings , but to no avails. Alex was completely oblivious to that effort and acted the same way he always did, to treat her as only a friend.It wasn't until much later on that he would discover he have the same mutual feelings towards her as well.

*****

Several months have passed since then.Rainee's eventually grew out of her infatuation and started to move on , with Alex still being as ignorant as ever. They stayed as good friend though.This goes on until the end of their secondary education. It was big holiday after their final examination and a mutual friend decided to organize a party to celebrate the end of schooling days.

18 May 2008 , it was a day Alex would not forget.On that particular day , the party was successfully held. Successful , because a lot of people did attend it. Among those people , Rainee was one of the few female friends invited . Needless to say, she stood out , being the prettiest among them all. To the people there, she was the epitome of beauty , an idol admired by girls and chased after by guys.. Alex was well aware of her popularity .But,neither one of them would be able to predict what will happen next.

One of the activities held there was a truth or dare session .At that particular session , a guy was challenged to confess to whichever girl he wanted to in front of everyone. We were sitting in a circle back then and the poor guy that was selected to be inside the circle was dared to do confess.Surprisingly , he did confess, and what's even more surprisingly , it's to Rainee ! She was shocked and flabbergasted , no one was expecting that at all. Finally, she had to reject it politely . The guy persisted but gave up at last , not before being wounded emotionally . Though , I could see it in her eyes that Rainee was equally hurt and dejected as well. Rainee was a kind-hearted girl , and she was the type of girl that would felt bad if her actions hurt someone directly or indirectly. Though it wasn't her fault , knowing her actions had tremendous consequences on the guy's heart , she fell into depression.

But still ,as to not ruin the party's atmosphere ,she put on a brave front and faked a smile, saying that she's okay . Everyone else was tricked , but not Alex. He knew something was amiss, he knew that she would be hurt ,and he grew concerned knowing that,albeit the party was ongoing and he couldn't find a space to talk and console her. Luckily , Alex was smart enough to conceive an ingenious idea. Since they are seating next to each other , Alex typed a message on his phone and pass the message to her , on the pretext that he wanted to show her something. Rainee saw it and replied it the same way by writing it on his phone and passing it back. And soon, they were both engrossed in their own personal world that only the two of them shared... It was only for a short time , but that ephemeral moment of secret where only the two of them share will always be embedded in Alex's mind.

At the end of the party , Rainee was back to her cheerful self , with just a tiny bit feeling of guilt left.

*****

A few days after the party , Alex felt a flicker of flame igniting from deep inside his heart. The flicker grew stronger and eventually persisted into flame that could no longer be stopped. Alex started missing Rainee, her mesmerizing voice , her dazzling smile, everything about her. It was the first time Alex has come across such powerful emotion . Slowly but surely , the emotions grew strong enough until his heart couldn't contain it . Not knowing what to do , finally Alex conceded defeat and gave in to his emotions. He started talking to her longer than necessary , finding excuses to meet her and treat her differently . He totally fell head over heels for her.

As the famous quote goes, " people normally take things for granted , only when they lost the precious things that once had , do they learn to appreciate it " This expression certainly fits in this situation. Rainee's infatuation to him was long over , and as of now ,she treats him as nothing more than friend, rendering whatever methods Alex used to chase her , totally pointless and useless.After some period of time, finally Alex discovers that his efforts are fruitless.

Not wanting to risk losing their friendship , Alex gave up and slowly things began to fall apart.Rainee and Alex were talking less and less. The conversation that used to be endless and daily diminishes into lesser than once a month , and nil at last. Both Alex and Rainee moved on and hardly talks to each other anymore..


*******
A few years have passed since then , before they finally meet again. Much to his surprise, Alex's feelings towards Rainee is still intact . They started talking again, though less frequently , with Alex initiating the conversation most of the time. Once more , Alex's dousing fire was reignited agian and he tried his best to reach out to her and show her that he cares. Yet , Rainee is oblivious and acted nonchalantly. Ignorance is bliss they say . Before long , it is time of separation again, Alex is leaving for the States .Ironically , Rainee is heading to the same place. So near,yet so far. Both of them will be going to the same destination , yet the distance between their heart still remains the same.Finally , Alex came to a conclusion that , what is to be, will be . What is fated to be his will be , what isn't , will never be. Hence , he decided to leave it to fate ,wondering how the red thread of fate will connect them in the future , or leave them wandering ... but even so. one thing's for sure. He will constantly pray and hope for the best for Rainee , as love , is essentially about wanting the best for the other half isn't it? :) .

‎"I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places,always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time,and I'll be thankful for that,and hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too." -quote from Stranger's Again ,by wong fu production . :)

Edit : sorry for the half-hearted ending ,I published this story in a rush , when I was down with eye disease. I vow to edit this story and add more details someday in the future ;) Any person or story linked to this story is purely coincidental .

Anxiety.

In a nick of time, there's only 3 more days left before I leave to KL , the metropolitan , urban city of the country ,where most elites and the upper echelon of societies gather .Knowing that I will soon be a part of them excites me , sending a chill down my spine . Yet another side of me trembles in anticipation , tinged with a bit of fear , not knowing what to expect there.

In just 3 more days, I will be leaving my comfort zone, trading everything I am familiar with something new .Though, as the proverbial quote goes , change is the only constant . So , I shouldn't fear it , instead I should be ready to embrace and accept it . A lot of my friends told me I would do just fine , telling me stories about how KL is a nice place , with the exception of its soaring living cost , everything's fine. Somewhere deep within my heart , I know I will do fine too.It's just that I cannot shake off the feeling of anticipating something new. Oh well , I guess I will get over it soon.

Afterall, it's a feeling everyone who's leaving their home sweet home for the first time must feel.I am pretty sure most of my friends leaving their home must have felt the same way I did.Now,with just a few days left, all of those emotions and memories of yesteryear are kicking in .Oh, how I wished I could have done more with you people , how I should have do this instead of that , and endless list of how I wished ...Nevertheless, I do not regret my past actions ,for regret will only brings sadness and gloom .

I would have preferred to count my blessings on all those little things that has happened to me , on life's little mercies that I have . Now, all that's left to do is just to pray and hope for the best :) . So , here I am now, hoping for the best for myself and all my friends. May you guys and girls too be blessed with abundance happiness ,joy and love , not to mention having a lot of fun there in your respective universities !!! I look forward till the next time we meet , having our usual "roundtable discussion " . I bet that time, definitely we would have a LOT to talk about !!! :D . So until next time.. cya :D

Anticipation

I love my local gym. Really I do . Even though it's a bit run down and dilapidated compared to other big , "professional " gym , I still love it ,considering that the price they charge is also very low compared to the rest. Price factor aside, I thing there's a certain kind of nostalgic feeling, when you kept going to the same gym for a year or so ? With the same people that kept coming back.

I think any place would also be special , after one has spent a considerable amount of time in it , right? That must be why the other bodybuilders kept coming back even though they could obviously afford a pricier and more modern gym . *heck one of them freaking drives a mercedes ! *

Anyway, the focus of today's post isn't about gym , but rather it's about the people inside. Having gone to the same gym for quite some time, it's safe to say that most, if not all bodybuilders are nice people ! Not to stereotype or bias but that's really what I can see from my observation. Why is that so ?

Except some ruffians and troublemakers who came just once or twice then quit , the rest of them are generally nice and friendly.In fact they are always willing to help, even though they don't talk much.Probably because they have all experienced the hardship of going through the transformation from small to big before? Either way , here's a typical scenario in the local gym near my area.

A young man, presumably in his mid twenties or so , clad in a tight fitting T-shirt bearing the "MuscleTech" logo , sporting a taekwando sport track , is doing his workout. Starting with his 50kg deadlift, he moves on to the abs exercise , doing them for around 30 minutes , then continuing with his biceps and triceps training . * if you never bodybuild before , you probably won't understand tis , but nevermind , I doubt anybody reads this anyway haha *At another corner, another young man , a rather talkative one , at the mere age of 19 , is doing 3x10 ,15kg bench press before moving on to his pull up and chin up. At the side, the caretaker of the gym, Mr Ong, despite his old age , displays monstrous physical strength by a startling 70 kg deadlift.

You see, when one is surrounded by such people doing such intense workout one after another, how could you not be motivated and inspired? I am extremely grateful and blessed to be able to participate in this wonderful sport surrounded by such great people. It's an honour really.

Now, what I wanna stress is how friendly and hospitable these people are. It's great to have such friends. As of now , there's roughly 25 more days or so till I begin my final phase of schooling , the uni life.

I am rather anxious and nervous thinking about what kind of friends I will make there as well as heaps of activities available there? Will it be the dull and lifeless kind or will it be my ideal active , productive and fun friends that will do crazy stuff with me? I am hoping for the latter. It is the final chance for me to enjoy schooling and I would love to make some good memories and friendship that will last a lifetime.

So,please ,to the higher being and authority that capable of deciding this, I beg of you , I pray , that may you fill my final chapter of schooling with colorful and wonderful memories , and paint it with happiness and joy that I have been craving for so much . May my friends too share similar blessing and enjoy their uni life ;). We may be treated unfairly by life , but I believe every true friends we made, help completes us, and subsequently rectify or rather complement our imperfection . There's no better joy then friendship and love afterall ! :D

So,here's hoping for the best future everyone can have ! Cheers !

Fitness

I could no longer bear to resist the temptation. I could no longer hide my feelings deep inside me. These emotions has been inside me for far too long...Enough is enough . It's finally time for the truth , the revelation ! Let it begin.

I hereby declare my unequivocal , irrevocable ,endearing love towards... BODY BUILDING! XD. Body building , gymming , pumping iron , whatever you call it , no one can deny that it's a tough sport that requires a lot of determination , tenacity and discipline to participate in. More so , when it's a sport where you will never actually see the end of it. In fact,many people would often go further to imply that it's no mere sport , it's a lifestyle !

To which I totally agree. It has been an amazing adventure so far.. Bodybuilding has taken me far and did wondrous things to me . In fact, I kinda regret starting it at a rather late age. Whether for staying fit and healthy , to grow bigger and develop muscles , or just because you are simply obsessed with it, everyone that goes to the gym have their own reason to do it.For me, it was because I got nothing better to do and just happen to stumble over the local gym near my area. Oh boy am I grateful for it.

I can still vividly recall the first day I went to the gym. It was with my another friend who at that point, already had the motivation to keep him going. Frankly , I was terrified and shocked.Upon entering it, I was flabbergasted to see the intensity and discipline those body builders are adopting in training their body. It was almost like it's a " do or die" thing for them. And looking at my own body at the mirror, I felt like digging a big hole and burying myself in it. I was practically a walking skeleton , and gosh how could I possibly be walking around parading my skeleton-like body before that, I have no idea.

It struck me then . It came to me that if I don't do something about it , nothing will change, and since I got time anyway, why not? It wouldn't take up too much time and effort right? And there i was wrong again. Dead wrong .Body Building , may I say , is one of the harshest sport in the world . It takes forever to grow, especially for a hard gainer like me.

Thus, with that in mind, along with other motivations, I started going to gym ... Slowly but surely , it has become almost like a lifestyle to me. Although I can't say I grew much , but there is definitely some changes with my body and I am proud to say that I did body build.Body building has shed a new light to me , putting a new lens for me to see a whole new world. Now, I am finally beginning to understand how tough it is , how much dedication , determination and discipline needed to stick to this lifestyle.

The end result though , is extremely rewarding and endearing. Provided that you go past the pain , you would be reborn a new man , much tougher and stronger , as the quote goes, what doesn't kill, simply makes you stronger ;).Oh, and there are other benefits to body building too, such as making new friends who have similar passion . Knowing that there are other people that are pumping iron as hard as you , putting in similar efforts , it's reassuring . In fact, I felt like there's a special bond between all the body builders. The fact that we did the extraordinary effort of sticking to the work out plan and exercising instead of slacking and rotting at home like the majority of the population does , is the proof that we are all connected and share the same special passion , the IRON.

I guess, being guys , going to gym and building body is the most intuitive and rational thing to do , aint' it ? Much like how girls would like to slim down and make sure their waist line does not grow, we guys are driven to feel the pain , go through it , and quench the insatiable thirst to acquire the perfect body .

So yeah.. a major shout out and salute to my fellow body builders out there ! Great job ! Keep on doing it :)

Things You Will Never Know.

When you left for the states , I bid farewell to you with a big smile. Putting up a brave front , I resisted long enough until you board the plane ,before the droplets of tears started flowing down , rolling down my cheeks like the rain .

I didn't really feel happy at all , deep inside my heart , I wished for you to stay.Yet words couldn't come out from my mouth , even a simple " Don't go " would suffice, but I simply couldn't utter it.Just a few months ago , we were so happy together . Hanging out together , holding your hands , celebrating God's greatest gift to me, you , I never thought that this day would come. The day that I will be separated from you...

Perhaps I was naive, maybe I was the only fool. The fool who thinks that one day , maybe.. just maybe you would see me in different light . Maybe the day when my unrequited love end, shall come. Maybe you would finally answer my call for love ?

When you finally reached there , you never called , you never messaged . No, you never even try to find a way to contact me , to at least tell me how you are doing and how things are there, yet I still misses you all the same.

It has been 5 years since... before I spoke to you again. You said it's been a long time , yet in my heart , it's short ,because I never fail to think of you every single day. I cringed when you told me about your new boyfriend , how he is treating you so nicely and you are living life happily every single day now, with him of course . Yet I still congratulates you , saying that I am happy for you too. I lied.

When you broke up , I was in the state of panic, concerned about your well being and emotional state , knowing that it must have taken a toll on you , considering how fragile and innocent you are. I struggled to find every means to contact you , to talk to you , to console you. Finally , we spoke again . You said you are okay , it's just another passing phase that you had to endure. I know you are not. You must be suffering now .As much as I wanted to beat up the bastard that did that to your maiden heart , I can't . I have a more important duty , to cheer you up.

I did everything I could. Be it a fool or a clown, I don't mind. Even being ridiculed and treated as a nuisance , I couldn't care less, as long as you can smile again :) . And you did ... or at least I thought so.

Now, we are back to being just friends. Perhaps even closer to the strangers borderline. Then again, I wouldn't mind, as long as you are happy . Be it staying up whole night just to talk to you , rushing out of an important meeting just to meet up with you , or waking up in the middle of the night just to accompany you, I would gladly do it all .Even if you wanted the impossible, I shall try my best to get it. Because, ever since I met you , I have decided to devote everything in my life to you , making you smile being my top priority.

People say girls are complicated and very sensitive . But what about guys? You wouldn't really believe that all guys think with their brawl rather than their brain right? There exists guys that will do everything just to make you happy . There exists guys that are sensitive to emotions.

But you will never know. Perhaps you wouldn't even see this side of me, ever. For in your mind and heart, I am just , another normal friend :) Yet I still do it anyway.Love is supposed to be selfless anyway. They say happiness begets happiness. In a way , it's kinda true. As long as you are happy , I will be too , somehow.

True,genuine love calls for selfless sacrifice . If you will be happy while I can only stay from afar , watching u from the shadows while protecting you , so be it. Even if you might never know that I still love you and will do anything to take care of you from the bottom of my heart , I will still do it anyway , as long as ... you are happy :) I will do whatever it takes.

******
*fuuu , finally finish :D . So erm. before you started assuming anything or commenting, please read this and be aware that this is just a FICTIONAL STORY that has got nothing to do anyone,me included. Any resemblance to the people and scenario in the real world is purely coincidental.It has been a long time since I last wrote a story , hence I guess it's a time to do some practice. This story is actually inspired by an anime called " Honey&Clover " , which I think is one of the best anime of all times. Do watch it if you haven't already :D .

And since i guess my writing style leans more towards a melancholy side, I guess it would be better if I write a sad love story , and ta daaa, with that , this story was born. Please drop a comment if you were somewhat touched or got something to say regarding this story . ty :D"

RCE

Recently , I have been having mixed feelings. Mixed because while i am happy I just gained admission to one of the most prestigious university in Malaysia , I am sad for my accursed left eye. Well. alright.. accursed may be too strong of a word to describe it .. But it's freaking annoying alright ? Imagine having to feel the loss of vision and sight and the only thing you can do the WHOLE DAY is just lying on the bed , devoid of any entertainment that requires vision. Sounds fun ? I would welcome anyone that want to switch place with me anytime .

My condition is diagnosed as Recurrent Cornea Erosion . Sounds deep right? I came up with that name . Recurrent because this is the second time I have been infected with the exact same disease, Basically , I had a skin abrasion on my lower lids of my eye which protects the cornea. Hence, now ,I can't expose my left eye to sunlight and will be experiencing agonizing pain from time to time *in fact I am having it now * . Oh did I mention that my eye will be red and you would see the blood vessels popping out ?

Yes,it is that terrible . Bawh but nevertheless , I am grateful for this happens before I go to KL. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise? Well,we should look for the silver linings behind the clouds right? Optimism anyone? O.O Alright, enough for that. My only hope is that I will be cured of it asap and be done with it FOREVER. Please don't come back to haunt me. I had enough of it .

On a completely unrelated note , I had a conversation with my first love after a rather long time :) . Well, it's not a particularly great endless conversation , nor is it a dull one * hmmm maybe it's on the borderline of being dull * , nevertheless it's still a conversation anyway.

And that sets me thinking . Love, ahh.. what a nostalgic word. Love is both a curse and a blessing , an oxymoron and paradox that mankind will never be able to decipher. Love is a double-edged sword that will harm or heal depending on the situation .

It makes me feel so old just talking about love. Thinking back of the poignant memories and experiences we had, of the fun but short times we spent together , of all the idiosyncrasies you had , of all the things that are uniquely you :) .

It's amazing how we can move on relentlessly even though at the first sight , the first moment we fell in love , we vowed to love and do anything we can to protect , to care , and to cherish our beloved ones . Yet when things fell apart , we just go our separate ways so easily without ever looking back. Is love that fragile?

In retrospect , I guess there is only one girl that I truly loved , and maybe still do ...It's always the first one that will never leave your mind ,ain't it ? But then again, reality is a cruel thing. One may love the other so greatly , so endearingly , so passionately , but the feelings may not be reciprocated by the other side. Yes, you may even be willing to catch a grenade for the love of your life , but does that matter if he/she dont' give a damn thing about it ?

Such is the harsh side of life . Things may not always work out . Heck , life is always unfair,all of us ought to realise that. Yet , people may do something foolish for love. Is it worth it ? Here's a little thought provoking question . If you truly love someone , do you approve of he/she being together with someone else other than you given that he/she will be happy ? Even if she do not acknowledge your love forever, would you still willingly and readily , give and do everything for him/her even at the expense of your own happiness and sacrifice as long he/she is happy ?

Some call it noble.. some call it foolish , yet the same vicious cycle of self sacrifice and foolish acts have been going on for decades... Though , in the recent days, there seems to be less people * particularly guys * not to be sexist here but that's the truth * who will do that. More and more people are getting selfish and adhering to the mentality "there's always a better fish in the sea "

Oh well, guess that's how things are .. So , I leave it to you guys to judge. Is it worth the cause ? Ponder and wonder over it.. because.. who knows there may come a time where you really need to do it or leave it ;)

I am blessed.

In one way or another , I am truly blessed . And for that , I am eternally grateful. Recently , I have been admitted into Universiti Malaya . Before this , I had the the usual stereotypes that local universities are sucky and doesn't even begin to compare with private unis which are on a whole new level altogether. However , as they say It is only when one have lost something that one begins to appreciate .

After doing rather averagely in STPM , my only ticket to private unis , which is the scholarship, is admittedly gone. That leaves me with no choice but to compete with the rest in the struggle against the best local unis. Before doing research, I had no idea that UM is among the top 5 unis in Malaysia , nor have I even heard of it before. Such is the price of ignorance.

Then comes the torturous waiting period . After acknowledging that UM is good , in fact it sounds heavenly to me from the way my seniors described it , I vowed to get in , despite my average results. It was torturous , as I have no complete confidence that I will gain admission to it as I heard the selection process is rather stringent and adding the fact that there will be many other top students that will be competing to get in , my chances are getting dimmer and dimmer.

However, the sad fact is that no matter what I do , I have neither the power nor authority to determine who gets in and who doesn't. So, the only thing I can do is pray. And pray I did. In a desperate attempt to get in , I filled in all 8 spaces in upu selection with 8 different courses in UM. And boy , am I glad that it worked out.

On the day the results of uni admission were announced , I trembled in fear . Fear ,because I know it would be disastrous if I don't get in . Anxiety and nervousness gets the better of me . As the time approached , I could virtually felt cold sweats dripping . Then , it happened. The moment of truth arrived , and before me , the results appeared. In an instant , anxiety and nervousness vanquished , being replaced by the subtle sense of shock and relief , then euphoria !

I was excited beyond words . Slowly , being jolted awake by the nudges and messages from friend, it came to me that it wasn't a dream. I made it somehow.

Fast forward a week later, I am still in the state of shock . Now , I am all pumped up and ready to go to uni , after a rather stagnant 7 months of holiday * even working days are stagnant for me * .It finally felt like a new chapter , a new phase of life is coming .

For now, only the sense of trepidation and nervousness engulfs me. I can't wait to experience it . The last schooling experience I will ever get is about to start. All I can do now is again.. pray for the best . May I get to befriends good friends , may I get to enjoy myself , and most of all may I get to be happy :) . The same goes for all my friends too.. Best of luck to all of you .

Shall be blogging about uni life soon . Stay tuned :)

School Life

Ah... it has been nearly 7 months already since the last of my schooling days.How did time managed to pass so fast ? In a blink of an eye, so much things had been done yet , the feeling of emptiness still lingers deep down in my heart. I am starting to miss school. No, not the endless nagging and homeworks that tortured me . Is it the companionship and sense of belonging at school.

Upon reading an article about youth camp lately, it provoked the thought of my own camp experiences,back when I was still schooling.There's something special about participating in an event with many of your peers together, having fun , enjoying themselves like it's the last day on earth.I miss it now.. The sports days , the cheering of your schoolmates in the 100 m run , the club activities, the gatherings, everything .

In retrospect, I wasn't much of an active person. Not passive enough to be called socially inept or reclusive ,but I definitely wasn't the most popular or happening student back at school . I did not actively seek out opportunities and involve myself in most club activities back in form 1 , much to the chagrin of my present self. It was only till around form 4 did my sense of curiosity managed to bring me out of my comfort zone and awakened the wild , active side of me. And oh boy, am I glad it did , for it was in that particular period of time that I enjoyed the most .

The overwhelming sense of achievement and victory when you won something or did something that garners loud cheers from people , the pathetic sense of defeat and uselessness when you did some mistakes or wrongdoings. I love them all.. It is said that only when you had felt the pain of defeat, will you know the bittersweet taste of victory. How true it is. I am so glad that I broke away from my empty lonely shell.

However, looking back ,I would definitely have enjoyed more of my schooling life had I be active earlier, perhaps back in Form 1 ? Again, it's one of those " If only I.." moments that struck the deepest part of your heart. How I wished I could go back to Form 1 again and relive my life as a secondary student ,albeit this time, with a big difference ;).

But then again, who knows what could have happened if I did that?After all, life is always unpredictable and besides, it's practically impossible to do that.Hence, I have to settle for the next best option , accept what has transpired and move on in hope of a better future.

Now this is pragmatic and applicable.. As of now, I am waiting for my university application result. If all goes well, I hope that I can be able to get some great lifelong friends and have a lot of fun in uni. This time,I will definitely be proactive and participate in everything. So, until then... pray for me people :) .

Looking Back

This post materialized thanks to the sudden motivation and outpouring of creative juice oozing out after I read some thought-provoking articles in The Star. The two articles I read about depicts the troubles of life. One of them is about how a young mother finding her roles being reversed as her parents fell sick and she had to take care of them instead of the usual . Another article talks about how people are getting more and more distant thanks to the emergence of new technologies like facebook ,twitter and etc. .. Here goes nothing :) .

******
I have been bedridden these few days thanks to the severe eye infection that leads to conjunctivitis that subsequently results in abrasions in the skin near my eyes. This results in my left eye being swollen to the extent that I can't even go out or go near any devices that emits light because sunlight or any other light sources will only serve to aggravate the situation apparently. In fact, I am supposed to be recuperating in bed now as I type. Oh by the way , now is 12.20 am in the morning :) . Ah,motivations to blog comes at the strangest of times indeed..

Now, in recent days , in recent months , to be more specific , I have been striving for perfection. Not that I am confident that I will achieve it , but nevertheless I tried because, at the end of the day, at the very least I can proudly say I made effort right ? And by "striving for perfection" I mean trying to improve oneself by any means necessary. So, the most rudimentary aspects to work on would be the physical , emotional , and spiritual part ,

So, for the past few months , I have been working out *or tries to * on my body , reading more stuff and trying to learn and pick up whatever skills I can . In my mind, there are only two things that I are thinking of , that is "productive" and "non-productive". I view activities like reading books , working out , learning new things as productive stuff , while stuff like watching movies, going cc , rotting at home , playing as counter productive. Now, before any of you start hurling accusations and pointing out that I did all the counter productive activities too , I would like to say that indeed those activities are vital and important as they are means to socialize and to stay connected with friends and others , but too much of them are just redundant and may even diminish productivity .

Now I would be very frank now as I don't think many reads this blog and even fewer of my friends actually do read it. I am very judgmental person . And yes I do judge people by their looks first before dwelling further into their "contents" . I am a very vain person too , if that's the word you would choose to describe someone who cares about his appearance . I wasn't like that back in the past . I used to be someone who don't give a damn care about my own appearance. It is only in recent years that I discovered this important and necessary aspect of life.

I might possibly be hurled many criticisms and blames for these but then again, my conscience is clear and in my defense , I am just stating the actual cruel realities of the world. Anyone reading this, I dare you to look yourself in the mirror and ask , are you sure there are NO INSTANCES at all where you don't check out other people's physical appearance and start scrutinizing them and making random assumptions in your brains before getting to know them for real ?

The truth is , people DO judge other people by their cover , no matter how they try to deny it . In fact, I believe people who deny it are mere hypocrites. No matter what we say , the first thing that comes to mind when me meet a person is their first impression : i.e how they dress, how they present themselves and etc. That is what I meant by "covers" .Physical appearances can reveal a lot of thing about someone. For example, if someone comes to a business meeting with an unkempt hair and a casual look , naturally people will assume that person is either nuts or has a lack of care attitude for others.

We will always be judged by how we look and how we present ourselves. Moreover, the sad fact is that the better looking person will always end up getting better opportunities. I read an article about how better looking peoples are always preferred and more favored given that the other conditions and environments remains the same. Life is naturally unfair , some people just have that edge over the others . However , even if we can't decide how we are born , at the very least we can decide how can live life . We can always find ways to improve our features or at least make effort to.

After knowing that , I tried hard to change myself * still trying albeit getting a bit more lazy lately* knowing that it IS possible and changes can occur. I am about to engrave this pricinple in my head that whatever that generates positive changes are productive and whatever that don't, are merely redundant and counter productive. Therefore, I was kinda agitated when I see how some of the people I know are spending time doing nonsensical stuff like playing the whole day , going out everyday .. and other "counter productive" stuff. Although it's not my right to barge into their life and take control , I can't help but think ... "what are they really doing with their life? What will they gain from doing those stuffs?" They are practically wasting their life away.

The more I think , the more I am confused. And then .. it came. The wake-up call and the answer to this question.As mentioned afore , I was reading the articles from The Stars and one of them talks about how an onslaught of problems came suddenly . And then it hit me. In life , we will never know about the future. It is totally unpredictable and we can never be totally prepared for them . So, what we can do is just to enjoy the present moments and hope for a better tomorrow.

So, maybe those people who are hanging out everyday are enjoying their life ? Maybe they are happy staying the way they are? Who knows ? This brings me to another point . As we grow older, our circle of friends grew wider . More so in this age of modern technology era with the emergence of facebook and such , we have more "friends" than we would have possibly made in past decade .Heck , I have one friend who have 5 k friends in her friend list. FIVE THOUSAND? Is that even possible ?

Nevertheless, as we grew older, our thoughts began to mature, and we began to really grew up and see the world for what it really is , and our so called "friends" will slowly diminish . The second article talks about this and it was very thought-provoking as you read and began askin questions.. Will the friends from primary school remember you ? Did I make effort to stay in contact with them ? What would happen in the next 10 years to come? Will they still remember me?

The fact is , as time marches on relentlessly , memories tends to fade and people will forget you eventually. That's inevitable unless you try to make effort to stay connected and constantly remind them that you exist in their life . It gets me thinking again then. Is there any point at all to do that ? With facebook , almost everyone knows what you are doing or what's happening in your life recently if you post them up , but are they all your friends?

True friends lend their ears and offer shoulders to lean on when you need them and shares your joy and sorrow from times to times.They know how you are feeling and how you would act in situations. They are those that have been with you through thick and thins, knowing all your best attributes and embarrassing secrets and idiosyncrasies that you have. And last but not least ... true friends stay connected no matter how long they didn't talk to or hanged out. They are people who you can engage a conversation with and talk without noticing how fast time passes.

When I was young , I got a silly dream that when I grow up , I would be able to meet a group of true friends that will be my lifelong friends . We would be able to share any secret and would be able to do the wackiest and craziest of things and just by being with them , I would be happy. Oh, and did I mention that among that group there would be one pretty girl who would be the love of my life ? And we would be together as a couple and be happy forever and ever , accompanied by the other lifelong friends of course. Silly isn't it ?

When I grew up now, life doesn't seem that much colourful anymore. What's with all the bombardment of discrimination , prejudice, backstabbing and myriads of troublesome people and issues we have to deal with ? Still , life isn't all that bleak. The future still shines and I still have faith in my dream. Even right now, I think I already found a few of these lifelong friends , though it's still far from my silly dream. Even so , I will continue to dream , as dreams are our source of motivation and aspirations .

I am grateful for what I possess now , but I do believe that things can still be improved. So, to those reading this now, I appeal to all of you , please do keep your dreams alive :) and stick to it ! Hopefully , one day when I have finally achieved the dream , I would look back at this post and say " damn , the old me is really optimistic huh and such a dreamer too , but hey it worked ! " . Oh and by the way , in the meantime , I would be spending more time hanging out and doing some of the "redundant : stuffs.. because.. what the heck , I can't be productive all the time can't I ? XD Until next time !! Whee~

April 2011

HOLA! KONICHIWA !! HELLO!!!! How long has it been already ? a few months ? Ah doesn't matter , this blog is almost dead already anyway ,save for some occasional, mindless spams at the chatbox .

Ahhh 2011 , and it's already April ! Gosh, how time flies. Looking back at the last post , it is evident that I am guilty of updates for the past 3 months. I concede. Guilty as charged. But again , in my defence , I would like to point out that there is basically not much happenings in the past few months, hence the lack of updates :D. Excuses much .. hmm human nature.

Alright , moving right along ~ So, what has really been going on ? After I resigned from my last job , I quickly shifted to another job that is as a mobile phone accessories reseller at New World Park , which is quite a nice job that pays handsomely ( rm 1 k per month ,for just 6 hours per day and 5 days per week ) *why did I even think of quitting ? ! damnation! *But alas, my inquisitive nature to experience and explore other jobs lead me to quit.. errr change job to my present job . *Excuses again ! * I wonder if it's just me or I just cannot stand working long at a job, any job . It seems that anything I do would bore me after a short while and would leave me thinking of going for other alternatives by any means necessary.In fact, I once point out that I am changing job every month and hope to do so for the months to come, leading my friend to remark that I am a job-hopper.

Then again,is this really a bad thing ? No doubt if i just leave suddenly , some employers will be left without work force and I have responsibility to perform and commit to the job for a certain period of time,but if I prepared other people to fill in my void in my absence, wouldn't that be alright ? :D .Moreover,if I did successfully change jobs every month , it would mean that by the end of tis year , or more precisely in September, I would have ventured into 9 different careers , gaining valuable insights and experiences from diverse jobs . Also, I would be able to disprove the popular notion regarding lack of job opportunities . Who is to say that there are no jobs if I have successfully changed jobs every month until September ?

But of course... all these are just extrapolations ... logical guesses made from creative deduction with a little surplus of imagination :D .Anyway, presently I am working at Kumon Learning Center as a teaching assistant. Teaching assistant , which means I will be teaching right? Nope. Dead wrong. Apparently there are only two teachers there, and all we part timers so called teaching assistants will do are just helping to mark their worksheets .. Sounds easy? Nope. Wrong again. The working experience there might be nice at first because , firstly I only work for 4 hours but after awhile .. like everything else I ventured in previously , it got boring .

Worse still , at Kumon, they truly believe silence is golden and hence, we are not allowed of communication even if we sit side by side. Hence, it's a dreadful ,torturous 4 hours of silence everytime I work... Now I kinda miss my old jobs , Sigh , communications ~ But all in all , I would say that there are perks working there. Now at the very least I can proudly claim that I have been called a teacher ! *even though i rarely teach .. but hey answering questions when they are directed to u counts right? :D * And the system and method of learning they adapted is truly one to marvel with . I am amazed . And of course, as usual , I am exaggerating.. we do talk sometimes but only at minimal volume and for a very short interval . By the way , working there have really opened my eyes to the world of kids today.

It's unbelievable how they act nowadays. What's with the advanced gizmos like iphone 4 doing in the hand of a small , young 7 year old kid? Gosh what are those parents thinking today -.- . Maybe they have been pampered too much to the extend that they think it's their rights to demand everything from everyone in this world.Now , I wonder what kind of people they will grow up into... Oh wait , that reminds me .. remember those egoistic , think-they-deserve-it-all people that I ranted about several posts earlier? Now I can see where they came from ;).

Anyway, I do not think that I will change jobs after this eventhough I really wanted to . I am not really satisfied but when I started working , I already told my employer that I would be able to work until June at worst , and September as best . Not that there is any contract preventing me from resigning but it wouldn't do my conscience any good if I just left suddenly right? Oh well.. guess I am stuck with it for now. Like it or loathe it , I still have to work.. so might as well find a job with least working time so that I can use the other time productively right? :D

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Talking about free time... What do you people do during your free time ? I mean, of course apart from the studying *if you are still studying * and events * you can't possibly have events everyday right? wait... can you ? * And don't you even begin to say online, facebook and games. Sigh, where are you productive teenagers ? What are u all doing , really ?

Recently , I am kinda frustrated at communication tools such as msn and facebook. Not at the system and tools themselves, but more to the people using it. I am utterly confused as to why some people might choose to reply you in a nonchalant manner. Almost as if they thinks you are interested in them and choose to play hard to get and reply u and entertaining u only when it suits their mood and purpose.

I know, I might be a little bit too paranoid over this and it might be the overthinking but still I can't help but feel those bad vibes coming from them ,and yeah , I have been generally good with my instincts when it comes to sensing vibes . I fail to understand how they are so self-centered in thinking they are so important and significant that the whole world needs to know about them and serve them in any means possible . It is pathetic and outright deplorable and despicable.

Bawh, but again, maybe it's because of my bad experiences of dealing with these type of people that make me thinks too much but if this goes on , I guess the best possible solution is to cease communication with them and just ignore it :) . I am getting rather tired of connecting with people who are reluctant to communicate yet expecting the rest to know it all .Pff guess I shall go into some isolation period for some time ;D
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On a lighter note , my latest obsession lately have been bodybuilding and recently , I have been able to borrow a very nice book courtesy to my good friend working in Borders. The mentioned book is 4 hour body by timothy ferriss , the tagline of the book caught my attention "an uncommon guide to rapid fat loss, incredible sex and becoming superhuman " err.. skip the sex part k , i borrowed the book for the building body guide and oh, of course to become superhuman as well. xD

Here are some of the excerpts from this book ..
"1 . Is it possible that the arrow of causality is reversed ? i.e : do people who are naturally ripped often choose to be sprinters? Yep.
2.Are we mixing up presence and absence? i.e : people claim that no-meat diet extends average lifespan 5-15%,is it possible that the presence of more vegetables, not absence of meat that extends lifespan? Yep
The point isn't to speculate about hundreds of possible explanation , the point is to be skeptical . Correlation does not equal causality . Be skeptical when people tell u A causes B . Most likely they are wrong much more than 50% of the time . "
- from the chapter Rules that change rules.

"The minimum effective dose ( MED ) is defined simply : the smallest dose that will produce desired outcome . Anything beyond MED is wasteful . i.e to boil water the MED is 100 °CHigher temperature will not make it "more boiled". If u need 15 minutes in the sun to trigger melanin response, 15 minutes is ur MED for tanning . More than that is redundant . "
-from the chapter Minimum Effective Dose.

This book is highly recommendable and will definitely be worth reading . Try it ! Alright , that's all for now.. until the next mood swing to impromptu blogging ! Tee Hee ! XD