Ask around any of my friends that knew me since secondary school and they will say " o.O tat zen ar? that annoying little monkey that runs around disturbing and annoying people wan?" And yup thats me . Now that i thought about it ,i was really annoying last time until even some of my friends nicknamed me "fly" for being so annoying =.-.Well, i dunno what impression i give them now but i do think my annoyance streak has ended ..Or at least has been reduced to an acceptable level.(Or so i think....) Either way , i have no intention to return the old annoying brat i used to be for now.You might think what does this annoying post got to do with my self esteem?
Well, the truth is why do you think i annoyed ppl endlessly when i was young?I guess me at that time just dunno how to think.A slip of my mind and maybe thats how i went into the path of annoyance to get attention ....I know lame isn't it? =\.Either way , being an attention seeker the way i am now, i tends to fall apart when people ignored me.It still happens now.I mean how would you feel if no one appreciate what u have done, if no one regard your ideas and opinions and worse of all if everyone beh shiok you?*note not all of this is happening to me , i am just using "IF " ok? ^^ * Sad right? Well now it is only a matter of time before my whole mind crumbles completely.
I actually managed to find the root of my problem of self-esteem.Well, it is all due to a certain "talent" of mine.Now, i think i blogged about this "talent" of mine sometime before in my blog here.Ok, this wonderful "talent" of mine is actually .... the inability to express myself clearly and the ability to brag about some craps that aren't worthy to be mentioned.Everytime i got a chance to do something big .i.e talk in a big crowd, showing off my skill to present ( i have none actually, see, this is just another example of me bragging about useless things ) , I always screwed up.
For example, today i was supposed to present something in class.Though the teacher just asked me to read it a few minutes and ask me present on today itself , i felt that i am ready.I memorized the entire paragraph in that given few minutes.Well, at least thats what i thought i had done.Ok,so everything was perfect , i am ready anytime now.BUT when the teacher called me up the stage , i went numb .My mind is scrambling and falling apart.It is like a huge jigsaw puzzle now....I mumbled nervously and embarassed myself in front of everyone .I swear i had it covered already before i was about to present. Neverthelessly , i failed . I failed badly.It is always the same.Even when i try to talk to unfamiliar friend time,i swear.. i swear i had planned all perfectly , knowing what to talk and how to response BUT when it comes to the real thing , i always screwed up and say something stupid.
Hahaha weird eh? I suppose this kind of thing will change over time.For those reading this post that have difficulty in understanding it, It's ok because even the writer itself have no idea what he had crapped.Now here is one piece of advice i got from one fortune telling application called "han decoz's life number numerology".I know i know... most of you would say i am siao kia for trusting in this kind of things online somemore but Hey this is very true wei. dont believe? Go try it for yourself!Here is a part of it telling me not to be too conceited.I find this especially true.
"
You should watch out for selfishness, conceit and the over-concern
with appearance. You must guard against overzealous behavior, anger and
aggressiveness. If these qualities are not brought under control you could
become excessively domineering, vindictive and even violent. You perform best
when you are left to your own devices. Hold fast to your life's dream and work with the
determination you possess to realize it. You can become overly stressed by your
driven nature. Be careful about the food you eat and maintain an exercise
program you enjoy. Competition sports are often a healthy outlet for a person with
your drive, particularly sports involving running and swimming. Don't let pride and
overconfidence be your masters. Remember, your talents and abilities are a gift
from a higher source, which should promote gratitude and humility, rather than
pride and conceit.
Arg,see i know! conceit!Brag! all the same =.- crap man, Need to learn how to control myself................Nevertheless, i felt relieved now *phew* =D i am ok again! This blog was essentially created out of one intention, to dump all my emoness ^^ and i believe it had definitely served it's purpose well.Ok, off to read some other super duper funny blogs to cheer up my mood now XP *Hope that after i read those funny blogs, i would be able to blog like them too ^^*
Oh btw, in hope for changing my personality , i changed my name too, no more zen9night, just call me " monkey boy zen " =D
2 comments:
Hey hey, I have the same problems also, everytime I try to talk, my mind will just go blank like that, and I think I used to be quite annoying too, but no one ever called me fly, at least not in front of me =P
lol haha XD But u are an ADULT now! 18 d lolx XD ur life should be great ler now ^^
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