Of Dependance and Reliance

How often do you think of this?When you have a choice, do you rely on others or do it yourself?I believe I did blogged about this last time before but I couldn't help to repost this entry again.Why?Well, there are always reason for my every actions.Yesterday night,something happened.Let's not stress on the detail,shall we? But all I can say is that some family problem occured.It is scary how alcoholism can turn one's life upside down.

Adults are idiots.Thats what I think.No, wait , I should specify it a little.Adults that don't know how to think are idiots.After all these years, can't they think a little?Think of their responsibility , think of their duty and think of other's future .Can't that be done?On usual time,their mind should be clear.Yet, with just a little sip of wine, their attitudes turned upside down.From a thoughtful,caring men to a fool,mindless monkey.All it takes is just a sip of wine and some smokes from cigarette.That is total bullshit.I despises them.I can't stand it.

That set me thinking again.Why? Why bother relying on others?After all, our reliance might be loss anytime.Worse yet, the trust and reliance we are placing on others might backfire and left nothing done for us.I have given up on hope.I guess, 3 months is just too short for anything to change.Let it be 3 years then.In 3 years time, I swear, I will be completely dependent on myself.Then,I will have no excuses or anyone to blame on anymore.

This few days are very gloomy days for me.Almost as if my whole life is turning their backs on me.But never mind. Who cares anyway.I shall persevere even if I am the only one left in my own world.Just you wait!!!

Mindless

As much as it pains me to say it, I have to admit one fact.I am always in constant mood swing.One moment you might see me smiling happily, the next you might see me being depressed,sulking in the corner.And this is what makes me very frustrated.I am frustrated with myself,with my ever changing mood that comes and go as freely as wind.I am annoyed too with my inability to complete tasks and assignments as promised,with my procrastination that never ever fails to amaze me every time I wanna do something,leading into an always incomplete work.And then there is this mindless,stupidity of mine to not be able to utilise and appreciate whatever I am having now and take things for granted.Yet, if I was asked to name one of my worst habit, it would be my inability to make choices,correct choices.

There are so many bad thing that I hate about myself that I sometimes would go crazy rambling over them.Yea,much like what I am doing now currently.I can't even comprehend this meaningless act of mine now.

Recently, it sets me thinking again.Some of my own friends claimed that my blog is too "wordy" and the presence of many words and less pictures has driven their interest away from viewing this blog.I don't blame them for that.They are teenagers.I just have to blame fate that I don't have enough "matured" friends that actually care to read it and understand it.I noticed that my age generation of blogger is quite few.Most of the bloggers are of age 20 and above,so maybe that explains why most teenagers my age could care less of reading blogs.Now,I could care less too as of who reads my blog.As I said earlier in my previous entries, my blog is just a place to vent out my thoughts, my convictions, my opinions and have others that perhaps might have similar thoughts could relate to it and discuss about it.But somehow, over the time , my writing style seems to deviate a bit from it's original purpose.

Yeah, there are a lot of blogging styles in this vast blogosphere.There are some embedded with sense of humour such as those like kennysia's, there are those thought-provoking writing style like Matthew-Zachary's blog.And there are those of teenagers style of bimbo blogs ( involves the blogger filling up their blogs with thousands of their own pics with diff styles ).As for me ,I personally prefer Matthew-Zachary's style of producing thought-provoking entries.That explains the lengthy entries sometimes.However,somehow,recently,my writing style seems to deviate from it's original intented to be thought-provoking style.Surely, I am hoping my blog would be as popular as one of the celebrity's blog mentioned above but yet if I were to accomplish it by copying other's ideas or changing my original writing style that I am comfortable with, I don't think it would be so much of a pleasant experience.

So, with that in mind, I have to apologize first.If you think this blog is too "wordy" and not worth reading, do please click on the close button [X] on top of your browser.No one is stopping you from leaving,alright ?Lastly, I would like to thank those readers that are willing to share a piece of your mind and relates your stories by leaving comments.Your opinions are really much appreciated,sincerely. =D

* A quick note to myself*
Indeed luck is something you can't control that will affect your life but more than often it is the decision making skills that counts in the end.Every time you wanna regret , think again, remember you HAD the choices,it is up to you whether to choose the devil or the angel.

Next Two Days.

Listening to :Fen Kai Yi Hou [分開以後 ]-Danson Tang Yu Zhe

There are two more days left till this holiday , oops i mean study break to end.Yes,those two days are 2morrow which is a Saturday , and Sunday.Two more days to go till this end.I swear I will definitely make good use of this two days. Let's compare what I have been doing today with what I will be doing 2morrow.

Today :
Woke up at 1 p.m. Read blogs, on9 a bit,read newspaper and spent the rest of the day hearing songs and banging my head to it.Well,as of normal day, this kind of activities being done should pose no problems at all.Sure,I mean,what's wrong with reading blogs ,newspapers and hear songs all day.Besides,reading newspaper is good right?And blogs too.All good stuffs right?True, nothing is wrong... but somehow I felt something is wrong.Something is missing.Oh yeah.....WHERE IS MY personal dosage of STUDYING and workouts?????And it doesn't help it that exam is coming Woo hoo!

I don't want to end up looking
Like that !!!

OR

Yeah , like this guy.You wanna know what he is thinking?Lemme tell u .He is thinking " Hu cares bout study, I just wanna bomb ur house tonite Muahahaz "

Oh well. Ok. So technically, all I did today was of no use.Or issit ? I reckon reading blogs and hearing songs are quite entertaining xD.Alright,now for my resolution for the next two days.

STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!

For heaven sake, PLEASE STUDY HARD o' The super lazy pig zen (See my previous post for my piggy pic :P ) !!!!! I still wanna get 10A1's for SPM ok!

That's it.For the next two days,I am gonna be a .....

ROBOT! A lifeless,emotionless robot that only purpose of existence is to devour all those mind-blowing ,crazy, idiotic , stupid, useless facts in all the reference books.Good Bye my songs.Good Bye msn. Good Bye computer *sniffs*

See ya back in 2 days time!

Boleh-land¬

For this few days I have been slacking... A LOT seriously a lot. While people out there are busy studying and "pia-ing" their studies, I am ... erh.. erh... well practically doing nothing and waiting for my fat belly to grow fatter.What happened to my spirit to study a few days ago ?What happened to the pledges and swear that I would be a lifeless robot devouring any facts that was given to me? Oh well.. not now I guess.

Today, again , nothing pratical as usual. I end up reading kennysia and newspaper the whole day instead of the revision books.I missed out on my work out , I missed out on my studies and all I did was ........slacking like a pig!
ARGGG crap No!!! OMG &%$£ and it doesnt help that my SPM Trial is coming is around the corner.Come to think of it , I have missed blogging for at least two days.Geez... lets just say I might been having writer's block for this few days. Nothing on my mind. Empty.So, in desperation, I ended up doing nothing everyday. Sitting on my chair and staring at my blank monitor screen.

So,what has been happening eh?Nothing much has been happening in my life lately.No hang outs, no parties, nothing .Just me being locked in my house , and I think this will remain the same until after 3 months.So, folks, if you are looking for interesting stuffs to read.Fear not,our own Boleh-land got a lot of news =D.Example, Avril Lavigne's concert being banned ! o.O that just shows how open-minded and able to work with others our country is huh? Mind you, I don't have any grudges or hate my country But this sort of thing is just ..... stupid.Banning a superstar's concert to be held in Kl just because it nearly coincides with our National Day?Oh well... no comment d, if you wanna read in detail about this, do visit joshua's post about it.

What else? oh Lim Guan Eng Vs Koh Tsu Koon news.One word... Head shot! Malaysia politicking is always the best in the world I believe =D.

Either way, what has passed ,has passed.No reason to continue lament and sulking about it.I don't want to continue being a lazy pig.Must work harder! and play harder too xD.Until next time folks! *will keep on playing, and praying that there will be something interesting gonna happen in my life soon *

Mental Battle

I dunno why.Everytime I go out with my entire family,(consisting my parents and my sister) , I will somehow end up coming back with a gloomy,sad expression, having a rather pissed-off sort of look.And by everytime , i do mean it.Today's hang out has been indifferent.I wasn't in a good mood before going out with them.However, after coming back I am seriously pissed off.

I wonder why ? Issit the retarded mentality of my younger,bratty sister that always annoy me with her vanity and extravagant spending ?Or issit my parent's child-like attitude that always argues with each other regarding some seemingly trivial things?Or maybe today is just isn't my day.Seriously, every outing with them will eventually end up the same,whether I was happy or not before.

This leads me to believe that either there is something wrong with the family or something wrong with me.Nevertheless, one thing for sure, I don't like family outing.As much as I like to hate them ( my parents and sis ) for being the way they are, I can't.We know that every humans make mistakes right?So do my parents and sis.Everytime they make mistakes, I did notice it and often in my mind, I will start having thoughts like " Oh, come on,look at them, how pathetic.Don't you just hate them ?"

But then again ,another part of me would start defending and argues my point by saying things like "You can't hate them, they are your parents and your sisters,related to you by bloods and veins.Just think of what you would have become if it wasn't for them."

Ok,I might be exaggerating but there definitely exists some sort mental battle going on in my mind whenever I think of something.If I were to put it in words,you could say that it is a battle between my instincts and reasonings.To further demonstrate it,let me illustrate it with this picture below.( those onion heads are damn cute ain't they ?:P )
Yeah,basically that's what has been happening in my mind everytime I think of something.And the whole process repeats itself over and over again.So,more than often, all the bad things and evil intentions my instinct suggests will be balanced with my good counterpart, logical and reasoning me .It is a good thing actually.If it wasn't for my thinking self,you may already see me in newspaper headline becoming an infamous criminal =D.

Oh well, today is the 3rd day of my one week holiday already. I tried to become the mindless and lifeless machine to devour all the facts in my referrence book but to no avail.Maybe I didn't try too hard? Alright, now I am beginning to think that more time is better =D.Alright, til next time folks. Whenever there is another mental battle in my head, I will definitely blog it out here =D.So, be sure to check it out !!!

Time

As of now, I am currently having my first day of my one week holiday.Though being known as "holiday",it isn't actually that enjoyable.Why?Simple, because about now, probably everyone around my age would be having an exam fever.Yeah, the much like football fever, this exam fever forces one to study and study to prepare for their biggest fear yet , the SPM (Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia ) examination.In fact,straight after this holiday , there are only a few days left till SPM Trial comes.So,that's instead of going hang out at Queensbay /Gurney or go have fun dating with gfs/bfs , most of us teens that are having SPM this year are busy studying,depriving themselves of any entertainment.


I too, am being affected by this exam fever.Often, I will be in the state of panic and fear, thinking about the result I would get when the time comes.Probably due to the traumatic experience of getting 4As 1 B in my UPSR ( Ujian Penilaian Sekolah Rendah ) during my primary school life.That painful and depressing memory of me watching all my other friends achieving straight As is still firmly etched into my mind.I definitely won't want to experience the same thing again.

Back to reality,for today, I did some studying in the morning and afternoon.I have to say ,even though it isn't that great, but at least my effort wasn't pointless.At around 4 , when the beaming hot suns shine through my window and hit me on my face,I had decided ,Enough is enough.No way can I study in this almost half-baked room.Not especially when I don't even have air-conditionals .With this super hot condition, there is no way I can do anything, heck not even a sleep!!!Frustrated, I on my com and start looking for interesting blogs to lighten up the mood.Then, it starts me thinking again.What I truly want now ?

Now,I just want the time to sped up so that this hellish 3 months can be fast forward and the heavy burden of scoring straight A's can be lifted off from me.I am saying this as I know in this coming 3 months , it will be nothing but study, study and more studying.Frankly, I am not a studious,nerdy type.I do enjoy reading but not the scientific and historic facts from the reference book or dictionary.Therefore, I want the next 3 months of pure suffering and torture to end RIGHT NOW!!!!Unfortunately, as much as I want it to be, things aren't meant to happen however we want.Time cannot be controlled.

Picture Source : Flickr

Then again, I find it pretty ironic.There are times when I want time to go slower or even to stop moving completely and then there are times like now, where I want it to go fast and skip through months.This is just like our life.When we are young , we want to grow up so fast so that we are capable of being like other adults, to be able to work ,earn money,having controls over our lifes instead of being told what to do and the biggest reason being .... don't have to go to school =D ( I am sure most of you have this thoughts ^^). Yet when we are already a grown-up,we miss all the early childhood memories we had, all the fun and sweet smiles others gave, all the pure and innocent world without a single care or responsibility.That's when we change our hope to be able to return to our childhood life.Isn't it strange?

I know that time is precious and every seconds counts but still,for now , I truly want things to speed up a little.Maybe just a little?Yet,deep in my heart , I have a sensation that I will regret it in the near future trying to recover the time that I had lost.Maybe the best solution is to "store and keep away " the time I am having now and use it next time when I wants more time ?Again, this is impossible. Oh well .. just keep enduring .

Olympic Badminton Final

On August 15, 2008,at around 7.30 p.m ,our own Malaysia representative for badminton, Lee Chong Wei,outplayed Lee Hyun-il of the Republic of Korea to grab a place in the finals of the Olympic Badminton tournament.This is a great news for our country as Lee is getting closer to the gold medal.Just one more match ! One more and Malaysia might possibly gotten our first gold medal in Olympic!As I watched the match between both Lees just now , I was stuned.Their plays are absolutely amazing.Both players displayed an immense concentration and vigor,defending and attacking to the very last moment.Guess,that's what should be expected from Badminton World's Number 2 , Lee Chong Wei and the 10th seeded player, Lee Hyun-il .Here are the official scores:
First round : 21-18 ( Lee Chong Wei won )
2nd round : 13-21 (Lee Hyun-il won )
3rd round : 21-13 (Lee Chong Wei won! )

This Penangnite is definitely the pride of Malaysia, being able to go so far in Olympic and who knows what else is in store for him ? The final match will be shown on tv on this Sunday , at around 6.30 p.m to 9.30p.m .Be sure to watch it,fellow Malaysians as this might be the most defining moment of your life. If you are an avid badminton fan , this is a must watch! If you are not a fan, well... watch it and you might be converted into a fan =D ! Malaysia Boleh!!! GO GO GO!

Here are some links :
Link from Official website of Beijing Olympic displaying the news that Lee Chong Wei has just won Lee Hyun-il.
Link showing an interview with Lee Chong Wei about his financial playing and experience as the national player.
Link from wikipedia about his profile and career.

Of Dream Jobs

Just yesterday,I was surfing the net,searching for interesting blogs to read as usual.Blogs are interesting, blogs are fun.As I read in Timothy Tiah's blog , I find that dream jobs aren't actually too far away from reality.Just take a look at this well-known personalities.

Timothy Tiah,co-founder of Nuffnang but best known as one of the most creative and successful entrepreneur in Malaysia . ( or soon to be =D)
Kennysia , top blogger in Malaysia.Heck, even my non-blogger friends know his big name.


,and Michael Phelps, who recently won 11 medals and now known as one of the most successful Olympian of all time.

There, and there of course other big names that might be your idols.Now,what do they have in common ?Talent ? Definitely . Creativity ? Absolutely. Passion?Sure do. But one of the major things that they have in common is they all excel in what they are doing now.Take for example,Michael Phelps went from zero to hero as he won a record of 11 GOLD medals with the help of his teammates and himself of course.Now , if you don't call that excellence , then I dunno what other adjectives you can use to describe it.So do others, each attaining success in their own fields ,Kenny being one of the top bloggers now and Timothy being one of the leading man in the blog advertisement community.

I wonder what might actually be the cause of their success.What lies behind their breakthrough story? After reading their blogs ( kennysia and timothy tiah ) , I think I found out the answer.Yes,it is none other than Passion.Passion for turning their dreams into reality.Passion for doing whatever they like to do and Passion for working.I am pretty sure Michael Phelps has passion for swimming too.After all, it is their "dream jobs" we are talking about.

I believe that one would never excel in something that he/she does not have passion in.In contrast, if one were to have great passion in something he/she is doing, then certainly, talents and success will come along.In this materialistic world, everyone needs to work in order to keep surviving.Work to get rich,work to pay debts , work to merely surviving.Such is the pitiful reality of the world.But people tends to forget one reason for working.That is , working for fun.As weird as it may seem, I do think that whenever one works in something he/she truly has interest on, no matter how odd the job is, wealth and fame will eventually come along.

So what if your sons or daughters said something like lets say "I want to study music" while he/she is the top scorer in examinations.Let them do what they want, and eventually they will excel.They could even have fun doing it.That being said, I truly admire those jobs that requires social interactions such as one in Nuffnang offices.All of them are like a big family, all interacting among themselves and happy together.Perhaps this is because all of them are bloggers =D.

So,in conclusion , just find whatever you like to do and GO FOR IT ! Then again, it is easier to be said than to be done.It ain't easy task finding things you like to do and it is even harder to find jobs that actually provide you money for doing the things you like.It demands talents and luck.So,if you are working in a perfect environment that you are happy with everyday, you are one lucky guy/girl!!!Ah.. I wonder how's my dream job would be ?

National Service

12th August 2008,at around 8 something , I had a shocking news.Just as usual , I wake up from my deep slumber and online immediately." Ah, everything is gonna be the same , it will be just a few people that online and there will be nothing new." ,such was my thought at that moment.Boy,I couldn 't be more wrong than that.My usually "dead " and contacts-less msn suddenly displays a lot of people online.As I glanced through my contact's personal message,I saw something in common.They all have more or less has a " NS " word in their pm.That's when I realise something was wrong.Something was going on that time.Not until one of my friend messages me to tell me that the National Service (NS) results has been announced.

ZOMG ! OMG OMG OMG ! Unlike some others that decided not to know about it , I quickly heads to the official website and check it.Unfortunately,it seems that the website is lagging due to the absurb numbers of visitors.Or maybe just poor website maintainance. Either way, It seem that I can check using phone too.So, in hurry, I smsed NS(space)my ic to 33995 and WAH LA.My result....

"TAHNIAH,Anda telah DIPILIH untuk menyertai Program Latihan Khidmat Negara sesi 6/2009 " =.- And there goes my hope of spending my holiday happily with my own plans.Upon receiving the result, I fell in the state of panic and fear,words alone can't even describe this feeling.There,I will let this pictures do the talking.





Cute eh those pics?XD. OK.... Calm Down... After a few minutes of asking others whether they got the "gift" of going NS or not, finally I has decided to accept the truth. Well, since I am being selected to go , there is nothing I can do ( Actually , I can choose to skip it by several means which I will discuss later ).So,might as well be calm and accept it naturally .Afterall,it could be fun =D or it could be my worst nightmare =/. Either way, after some "creative " discussion with friends, I found out that there are actually several ways one can avoid it.

1)If you have a severe,contagious sickness with an official medical certificate and approval from doctor,you can easily skip it. Ok maybe no need to be severe and contagious, Better yet,if yuo have a doctor as your parent,just ask your father to scribble some letter about a disease and make it sounds very bad and believable can d xD (example : WLINCS (Will die if No computer syndrome )

2) You can postpone it or go to overseas to study till the expiry age(lol expiry age,how did I get that term ).One of my friend told me that the expiry age for NS is 35 years old =.-.So,for those going overseas, stay there till 35! XD.

3)I dunno, just somehow, run all over the country and live as a fugitive =D

Ah.. I dunno. I have mixed feelings now.A part of me is getting excited of what lies ahead in the NS training camp while the other part of me fears that something will go wrong and it will be a disaster there.Lets judge the pros and cons of this NS thingy,shall we?

Pros
-Able to meet new friends ( hot chicks should inspire you if you are a guy =D ,if u are a gay,...well there are still guys for you ^^.)
-Able to do some fitness training there .( Hoping to get six pack and muscles all over your body?Dream on la , some scars maybe la )
-Able to get closer to your old friends. Perhaps they are gonna be in the same camp as you?
-Able to waste spend your time wisely. (HAH you must be a super bored guy to be willing to go there to spend your time )

Cons
-Wasting all the times that you can use for other purposes.(I.e Study? Nawh Have fun la Spm over! GO out with friends everyday ,Go party , Go overnight , Go do whatever that are "beneficial " )
-You will get a nice hairstyle for free! BALD hair!(There goes all the super cool hairstyle that you dream of doing )
-Worse, you might not meet new friends or even old friends.Unlucky and you will meet some racists bastards that will jeer and bully you for the rest 3 months.
-You end up getting all those bumps and scars instead of muscles.

There ya go, pros and cons. I shall do nothing for now while let time decide my future.We shall see ! I am hoping for a good ending though =D.Here are some pictures that I "borrow" from other's blog lol.


Air-conditioned sleeping room? No, haze-conditioned maybe
The uniforms blends you together with nature, so even if you lost, don't worry, no one will notice.
Human cannon anyone?

Pics Source : This blog

A happy memory .. awh... maybe? hehe

Hope I can get a memorable experience in NS if I am going.

Chinese Pop

Listening to : Jay Chou-Hui Dao Guo Qu ( Return to the Past )

Wooo Hoo. I am high on songs again! It is no secret that I am addicted to musics.Nowadays , songs are like drugs to me Especially Chinese songs.As weird as it may seem, would you believe it if I tell you I never listens to any song,regardless of their genre or language when I was in my primary school. And wa la, a 5 years time skip and here I am ,rocking and dancing to the melodious tunes of music.Songs are wonderful.Every musical piece is a masterpiece.At least that's what I believe =D.

In this modern world nowadays ,there are tons of talented artists across the world.Let's take for example, The Taiwan King of Pop,Jay Chou.With limitless talent and boundless imagination, this Taiwan's son has blended all genre from pop,rap,blues and other esthetic elements of world music to produce wonderful and melodious tunes coupled with a sense of originality by none other than himself.No wonder he is one of the top superstar in the Chinese pop industry now !

Next,another one of the top superstars in Asia,Alexander Wang Lee Hom .Like Jay, this New York-born Asian American dares to be different. How? By inventing his own musical style called "chinked-out " style that incorporates modern "west" music of R&B,hip hop,rap and dance, along with "east " music of heavy Chinese instrument influences .One surprising fact about this talented chap is that he did not begin learning Mandarin Chinese until he was 18!! Can you believe it ? 18 ! and look at him now.That proves that it is never too late to start learning.Who knows, YOU might be the next superstar?

Alright, I shall stop elaborating on it now as I believe this post will bore most of you readers out there .For now, this two are my favourite artists .Reasons for choosing them?For producing top-notch quality music and never stop improvising , I salute them and idolizes them.Just hear some of their songs and I bet you will never see them the same way as they are again.

Oh well or maybe it is just me.Frankly, I am quite a sensitive guy.Easily touched and hurt.Maybe that's why I love their love ballads so much ?But overall, It is definitely worth trying some of their songs.Like I mentioned before, every artists is special in their own way, just that these two stands out the most due to their talents and passions for music.Just to name a few other great artists,JJ Lin Jun Jie, Evan Cai Min You, TANK,Michael Wong Guang Liang,Rainie Yang,Cyndi Wang,Jolin Tsai and many more.All artists stands out in their own way =D.I listen to other songs too. English ,Japanese and even Malay songs but somehow I just felt that I am more prone towards Chinese songs.Might be due to my family heritage hehe.

If only I could learn to play some music instruments... who knows I might be like them?Hah haha who am I kidding ? To achieve what they did today is no easy task.One need to have a keen interest in music and passion to produce quality songs.So,to you fellow readers out there that has music blood running through their veins and have passion for music, Do go on and pursue it =D.Good Luck.

On the other hand, I got 3 more months to endure before being released from the cage.Somehow, I don't feel the stress.As a matter of fact , I am enjoying the moments.Well, all moments except when I am in school that is. I guess that's because I realise this might be the last time I will see my friends now ? Savour every moment! Woo hooo ! 3 months more !!!!

My Problems

"Everyone got their own sets of problems ". That line sets me thinking.I am a weird guy.Awkward ,so to speak.Me in the real life and me in this virtual space are two different individuals.The me in this blog is more thoughtful,more emotional, and revealing.On the other hand,the me outside this world is a social retard,a reclusive and a shy introvert.However,if I were needed to name one major differences between the two me's , it would be the ability to express oneself .I realised long ago that I have this problem.The inability to convey one's thought properly.The inability to express one's self . The inability to communicate literally.

I tends to speed up in my speechs whenever I started talking.I dunno why .It might be due to my lack of confidence.My nervousness? Or maybe my sheer shyness?I wonder.To make things worst, I have this " Talk before you think " idea embedded in my head that makes me spurt out nonsense whenever I talk.This always annoy others after some time and when it comes to serious discussions especially.I know that I am capable of engaging into a serious conversation . I know that I am capable of posing some intelligent questions or discussing some smart things too. But when it comes down to expressing and conveying them, I screwed up... Big Time.More than often,those illogical and stupid things coming out fro my mouth will make me look like a ridiculous fool.Worst case scenario , it might even mislead others to misinterpret what I said as a mockery to them. I definitely hate this.

The funny thing is that although I know I have this problems and I abhor it , I have yet to be able to eliminate it.It is easier to be said than to be done.Perhaps the solution for now is to remain silent and say nothing at all ?Another problem of mine would be my tendency to chat with others,wanting to find out more about them.That alone isn't bad thing right?Yeah, but when coupled with my inability to communicate properly ,it turns out to be a big disaster.In retrospect , I have seen a lot of incidents in the past where I failed to convey my messages and what comes out from my mouth even turns out to be conflicting to my original thoughts.Truly,I do not wish to continue being like this.Neither do I have the intention of letting this problem to keep ruining my life nor do I like it keep haunting me here and then.

Up to now, I think the best solution would be to learn how others express themselves and incorporate those skills into my own.And one way to do that would be by reading.Of course,reading how others expressing themselves either in literature masterpiece or even a simple blog could help me a lot.Best of all, I wouldn't get bored reading them as I actually enjoy reading other's writing.I guess , the rest is up to the time to decide. I am looking forward to the day where I can finally convey my thoughts clearly,walking with confidence and able to speak loud and clear , without any sights of mumblings and uncertainties!

Time will change it! We will just have to wait!.

Life Guidance

While others are busy watching Olympics in Beijing,I am here, online and blogging.Hahah well not like I am not interested with the event,it is magnificent and awesome.Definitely!Who would not be awed and amazed by the magnificent bird nest stadium built specifically for this major event.The equally amazing Olympic Aquatic Center and the sheer amount of countries joining this event.Simply amazing, but for now ,all I can see are marchers from a lot of countries marching for nearly a hour already =.-.So,here I am,blogging out of sheer boredom =D.



A while ago , I came across a very controversial post regarding life and survival tips and tricks.It is indeed very inspiring and refreshing to see such post. This is a very motivational speech by Adrian Tan, a litigation lawyer at one of Singapore's leading law firms.Now, this is a very long speech so if you are a bit impatient or don't have time to view the whole post,let me just give you a brief summary about it.

It is about love,works and the reality of life.Honestly,it is an incredible speech and a very thought-provoking one too.So,if you are free, feeling down, or just wanna pass your time casually , you can take a look at the speech at the original blog , here or you can just view it below here =D.Take your time , who knows it might reflect upon your life and inspires you next?

"Life and How to Survive It

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy."

Memories

I am back.Yeah,thats what I wanna say but sadly no.That is not the fact.Lets just say, for the past few days, I had ended up getting a little sidetrack,diverting away from the path that I was supposed to travel.This few days make me felt like living like a zombie.A living zombie to be exact.Nawh,not the type that works endlessly until dunno how to rest type of zombie.It is the type that has been resting and do god-knows-what useless things for the past few days .

Now,I am back. Or so I hope =D. Today, I felt like blogging about memories.It is indeed a nice topic to talk about.Ah.. the memories.How far can you think back about your memories?What is your earliest recollection? I dunno about you but somehow,my earliest recollection is around standard 6,which is about the age of 10 years old I guess. Strange, humans typically can remember more than that,at least to the age of 8 years old.Heck,some of my friends can even remember their 5 year old's memories.

Maybe I am weird, Or maybe it is just something in my memories that had stopped me from continuing.Some bad events I suppose?Either way,if it is bad, I don't want to remember it either.As far as I am concerned , all my memories up to my earliest one at around 10 years old had been a good one.I used to do things like this,staying up late night to take a walk down my own memory lane.Thinking back all the happy and joyous memories.Aww... how good would it be if I could return to it , right?

However,we all know that it is impossible to return to those happy memories.That's when it struck me.I just thought of something scary.... to me anyway. What if those people in your memories forget you? Or if you forgot all this memories?Well, if so, I supposed then that my life will end right there.Coz the sole reason supporting my very existence right now are my memories.

The truth is, everyone around you will forget you.It is inevitable, what matters is when they will forget you.That is the question.Nowadays, I rarely stay in contact with anyone.Socially that is.I am just a freaking geek staying in the house doing nonsensical things everyday.Perhaps this will continue until after SPM? Yeah, I am placing all my hopes and bets in SPM, after it , I will definitely enjoy life to my fullest.

For now, I will just enjoy the memories. I wonder, after this 3 months, will the ones I knew forget me?Or will the contrary happens?Nawh, probably the former.Thinking back, it has been quite fun, 5 years of schooling in pfs,knowing all this cool guys and all .And then there are a bunch of cool dudes in other schools ,and who could forget the sweet and friendly girls I had met ?Knowing them could be my luckiest thing for me after all.But will all this change after this year?Definitely.But this just marked a new beginning.I wanna say it here and now .No matter what happens, I shall never forget you =D.Yes,every single one of you that I had met in my life.I will treasure this memories and cherish them as much as possible.It is inevitable that we will grow up and separates,but the memories we had together shall never disappear . (geez sounds gay lol )

After Spm, I bet I will repost this again,albeit with more emotions I believe ^^. Time, do pass on quietly , I am waiting for more happy memories to be created in the future !

Self-Esteem

Listening to : Wilber Pan-Lu Tai Wan
Like any other normal teenagers in this world, I faced yet another one of the common problems.Self-esteem, or rather commonly known as confidence, is definitely a big issue in a man's life.Not only does it apply to guys , but I am pretty sure it does made much impacts towards woman's life too right?Lack of self-esteem can be a big problem.

I think I definitely have a lot of problems regarding this confidence issue.I believe most guys do have this problem too , or issit only me?Most of the time , I will be questioning my abilities.For example,I would always ask myself

1) Who are you compared to others?
2)What is/are your passion(s)?
3)What talents do you have?

The answers for the above question... for me , are definitely bad ones.To be honest, I don't really know my interests or what I wish to do.For now, I am just doing whatever I can do to pass time to discover what awaits me after SPM.I have no interest or whatsoever passion that I wish to indulge in.Oh wait,maybe there are.. Yeah,there are passions but the problem with it is that I can't accomplish it.No, not as a teenager now.If only I could skip forward some time ahead or even reverse back to my past.All but mere impossible dreams.

Talents? Logically speaking , talents only exists when you have passions.That is how talents are born.If you are interested in something , definitely you would be talented in it after some time.So,without knowing my passion , automatically I don't have any talents as well.I do have some secret desires to do something out of my mind but then again,I know it is impossible as I do not have the fund to do so.I can only blame it on fate.Yeah nothing but fate and luck.

Just yesterday I was talking to my friend and he told me about some great ,talented kids in his school,achieveing great feat at his mere age of 15.Honestly,I was amazed yet at the same time felt jealous.Yes,jealous over his talents.The world has seen many great talents surfacing over this few decades.I just wonder why am I not part of them ?Sure ,I believe with great talent,comes great responsibility and problems too but I don't mind if I do possess some talents.

Awh, in the end of the day ,It is just me not being myself.Yeah, there is a quote saying " Just be yourself".Then again, who is myself?I am starting to doubt my own existence as well.Why am I here?What am I doing now?For what purpose do we,men, lives?

After much thoughts,finally, one conclusion , albeit incomplete has been reached.In conclusion, just don't think too much.Those questions are mysteries that aren't meant to be answered by us.Lets just say we existed for the sake of it.Since I am already here,who cares how or why am i being born into this world as me?Depending on other's perspective, I might be unlucky ,judging from my own viewpoint, yet I am considered damn lucky compared to other poorer guys.I just have to appreciate life as it is.Though I might not be able to indulge in every field I am interested in, Though I might not have any talents , though I am ,but a simple-minded fool, I don't care anymore.

I should be happy being born into this world!I live a better life compared to some others. So ,why am I lamenting and sulking over other more fortunate people while there are thousand others suffering over their misfortune?Geez,thinking back, it kinda make me feel bad. Ah,for now,I just have to endure! Day after day, it is gonna change. Time gonna change me.Definitely ,my life would change for better!Oh yeah,there is saying that says "everyone possess their own talents " So, I shall just surrender myself to that saying and believe it just for a little longer =D.I will just wait till my talent surfaces . Until then,Just ENDURE and be PATIENCE !




Just be Patient and sulking in the corner =X .

Reasons to blog

Woot~ Another day for me.As usual, on9 and doing nothing except searching for some interesting blogs to read.Ah.. the daily routine I guess.Not such a great day today as my mom just complained her lower abdomen hurting and after some medical check-ups with doctor, it might be diagnosed as kidney stone.She have to do a more thorough medical scanning 2morrow to identify it T_T.

Ah,off with the sad emotions, this is suppose to be a happy,optimistic blog now =D. I just have to believe everything will be alright ! Either way, just now while looking for blogs to read again, I found a rather interesting post from this blog .

If you are just too lazy to drag your finger to click it , just read it here lol.Here is some part of the post.

"
Despite the high viewership rates on my blog, it always quizzes me as to why many simply read but not bother leaving their 2 cents worth of the blog topic. A reader once said she finds it quite intimidating to comment because i've basically said everything that needs to be said..

But the truth about every single person who blogs, is that apart from achieving high daily viewership, we actually want to hear people's point of views about whatever we've written as well. When we receive feedback, be it a comment or a tag, we feel encouraged and more motivated to continue writing..

So my question to you is..

Why do you blog and what keeps you blogging?
"

How true it is !Sadly, for me I think, despite NOT having any feedbacks at all,I don't even have a high daily viewership . Hmm,one more thing that I realized about blog is that in my school,students rarely blogs =.- . I mean seriously , in my entire class, I think I am the only one that blogs? lol. Ahah, that might be the factor why I don't have a high viewership !

Alright again, for the question above, why do I blog and what keeps me blogging? Haha here are some reasons for blogging from the comments in that blog in which I will be using as a comparison to my reasons.

1)A way of staying connected with my friends
Definitely not the main reason for me blogging as I mentioned before, only a few of the friends I knew actually blogs constantly and almost none leave me comments lol. Either way, I love reading their blogs =D and having a blog is a good way to keep others updated about your life.

2)A personal diary
Yup,this definitely hit the spot! This blog is definitely leaning more and more towards becoming a personal diary.OK la.. maybe not so personal ehehe.

3)A record of my everyday memories with loved ones
Aww... how sweet T_T ! This one is not for me as I don't have any loved ones viewing my blog lol XP.

4)To gain Fame and to be known
Well,who doesn't want that ? Normal right ? Though, for my case it might seem to be lagging behind in this factor hehe.

5)To cherish and remember the best memories in life
True,this is definitely one factor that influenced many people to blog ,including me =D

6)To improve my command of English.
Yup,one of the many factors that influenced me to blog or to read other's blog.When I started blogging, I sincerely hope that people would comment on my grammatical mistakes or some wrong usage of English but so far, this effort proves to be futile =].

7)To spend my time wisely.
I wonder if the term "wise" should be used here . But then again, I am pretty sure blogging isn't a way to waste your time ,right ? =]

8)Earning a bit of income.
Duh, come on guys,admit it,when you started blogging, why do you blog ?To gain money right? Right? Alright,maybe not everyone thinks like that. Truthfully, I started blogging having that intention in my mind but till now, I only earned about Rm 0.75 ? lol Nevertheless , blogging is fun, so why bother about the money =D.";})();ButtonMouseDown(this);'>
9)To share your life experience
Yeah,Sharing is caring ! Just blog down all those meaningful life experiences you had with your friends,loved ones and etc.It is nice reading it.

10) To express your thoughts,rants and opinions.
That's my main reason to blog! Yeah!

Wow, without realising , I actually stated 10 reasons to blog.Well, but definitely there are plenty more reasons to blog.Now,that you read this, Non-bloggers,what are you waiting somemore ?GO and blog NOW! XP

[P.s I just installed the emoticons set for bloggers. As you can see, there are a lot of emoticons in this post hehe. Interested? Head over to here and get your emoticon pack for blogging now.No,this is not a scam lol.]